A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im a young guy, and i have always had sexual urges towards men.I also have sexual urges towards women but not as strong. However I have been completely and utterly in love with women, but my sexual desires towards men have gone unchanged.I have never felt strongly about another guy, it is purely sexual. I dont want to be gay.I am not a homophobe and I am not religious and I believe that being homosexual is perfectly fine.But I have no desire or dream to ever be in a relationship with another man and I do not ever wish to be openly gay. My first sexual encounter was with a male. And I don't know if my gay tendencies have stemmed from this or I am truly gay. I have also considered being bisexual but it concerns me that my gay urges are stronger then my hetrosexual urges.Advice anyone? Is this just a phase?
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male
reader, aim  +, writes (14 October 2009):
 its too early to tell. and youre too young to make such a decision about your sexuality. just be open to yourself. dont block your true feelings or even opportunities. be open but dont be reckless. the answer lies within yourself. no one can ever label you, only yourself will know who u really are.
take care always.
A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 Bisexuality is much more varied than most people seem to think, and there are many different levels of it. One person may be a little more heterosexual than homosexual, another may be the opposite. You can also be mostly hetero/homosexual, but still considered bi. Personal preference is what defines your sexuality, not the black and white categories of 'straight' or 'gay'.
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A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Personally, I believe that the truest measure of a person's sexuality is expressed by who they have the capacity to fall in love with.
There are many levels of human sexuality as indicated by the often-quoted Kinsey Scale (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale) Have a look at it and see if you can peg whereabouts you fit. In a nut-shell:
0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual; bisexual.
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual
While people are still in relatively early stages of development, they may experience feelings for the opposite or same gender to one degree or another. It is true that some people intuitively know from the get-go that they are drawn to a certain gender, while others experience a shift in interest/desire as they mature. This period of questioning lasts a different amount of time for every individual. Therefore, I do not advocate worrying about assigning yourself a label at this time. In fact, I would call it quite premature.
Over the next few years you may find your heart and body desiring one gender over the other almost – or completely – exclusively. When that happens, you will know. However, it is also possible that you may have sexual and/or romantic feelings toward both genders the rest of your life to one degree or another. For example, a level 1 or 2 on the Kinsey Scale may desire women romantically and sexually, but only have a superficial sexual interest in other guys and would never desire a relationship. And remember, that’s just one example of how the scale works.
I understand that you may not personally want to be gay, and that’s fine. Just remember that when dealing with sexuality, between the opposite extremes of black & white there are many shades of grey.
I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Entropy_Anarchy +, writes (7 October 2009):
Does it matter? It's all labels..most straight people are attracted, at times, to members of the same sex.
You're young, and too young to need to define and pigeonhole everything.
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A
female
reader, lovemybabe17 +, writes (7 October 2009):
my friend had the same problem. You just need to experiment a bit and sooner or later, you will know. Don't stress out too much about it. Good luck:)
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