A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 2and a half years is in his advance infantry training in the army right now it's been 4 months since he left and i have only got to see him 2 days out of all of that and I still have 4 months to go. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I don't know how to feel. We were so happy and so loving to each other but since he has been gone and we can talk every day now it's been hard. I'm so frustrated and sad all the time. I work to keep myself busy but I can't help but feel like I'm giving 80% and he is giving 20% in our relationship. He just seems like a complete different person when I talk to him and it seems like he doesn't WANT to talk to me half the time either, what's the best advice you can give? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (7 April 2013):
 Hang in there! The next four months will be over before you know it.
Everyone has given you excellent advice on how to get through this trying time......
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (6 April 2013):
 To be honest your situation sounds completely normal.
He probably cannot put that much effort into the relationship because he is in the military. The demands that are being placed on him are enormous -- more than you can possibly imagine. He has to please his superiors and physically he is probably exhausted. The first months of military training they almost literally put you through hell.
Also keep in mind that he is probably homesick and hearing you miss him, makes him miss you even more. His lack of excitement for you may be his own ways of dealing with the separation.
I think a little bit of understanding on your part of what he is going through will help make the next 4-months go by. Realize that it isn't by choice that he is only giving you 20% and you have to be the strong one and have faith in your relationship.
You have invested so much into your relationship -- don't let a little bit of separation and hardship ruin it. Continue to contact him and write him. Knowing that you are waiting for him will mean the world to him and give him reason to endure what he is enduring. In 4-months time, hopefully you have a better understanding of where you will fit in his life and what exactly you mean to him.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 Hang in there for another four months, and then if it still seems like he isnt interested in talking to you or putting in an almost equal effort reconsider your options.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 Hang in there, and stop giving 80% when he's not there to receive more than 4% anyway. You talk briefly on the phone, well it is good you keep the contact. But how much lovey dovey and relationship chit chatter can you really squize out of a few minutes on the phone? He's busy with his intensive training. There will be moments in life where you are also busy. Being busy doesn't meant something is wrong in the relationship, not when it's just for a set period. You know he will stop being so busy in another 4 months.
Right now it feels like forever, but 4 months will go by. And then you will see him again, and be together more. Keep your eyes on that goal, and don't waste your energy on trying to squeeze more out of the phone calls than what's normal for a phone call. Just hear how he's doing, and if he's not all lovey dovey with you on the phone then so be it. It doesn't mean he doesn't care. Look, he does call you. For someone who's in intensive training in the infantry, simply calling you means a lot. If he was talking to your for hours and spending tons of time and energy on you I'd be worried about his training and career.
So for now, play the part of being the patient girlfriend. And if this part doesn't suit you, then my advice is to end the relationship, because he aims for a career in the army. Army-girlfriends/wives need to spend a lot of time on their own, alone, and fend for themselves.
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