A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am a straight teenage girl and I am in love with my best friend.Well let me start off by saying that my best friend is also a girl. In fact she is "bi" but mostly dates girls. Last summer (and during that school year) we started seeing each other. It all started out when I told her I loved this Guy back where I moved from. She asked if I got butterflies around him and I said yes. She then started (as a joke) to try to make me have more butterflies than he ever did. I remember laying down on her couch having a normal sleepover. Her hand was holding mine and I rested my head on her shoulder. This was nothing out of the ordinary but I had a feeling she wanted to do something else. When I got home, she started texting me, calling me babe, beautiful, and saying she was glad we held hands that night. This developed into us having a secret ( almost as if we were dating but not so official) after getting back from a carnival one day, it was my turn to sleepover at her house again. Our faces were covered in paint. We had talked aout kissing each other over text but never did it in reality. Even though I was taught as being 'gay' bad, something automatically made me attracted to her. She is beautiful, and caring, and different. She understood me. The night if the carnival we sat on her couch, it was quiet, but the good kind if quiet. She leaned over and gently kissed me on the mouth. I liked it. Eventually we ended up having, some what if a friends with benefits. She had been in a previous lesbain relationship and got caught by her mom. Both of us aren't aloud to be involved in relationships like that, and if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have even be interested. We had the fwb thing for around six months. Nothing sexual, but like making out and cuddling. For some reason I can't ever feel like I'm close enough to her. We will be cuddling and very, very close but for some reason it doesn't feel close enough. Our fwb thing ended over the end if summer when she lied to me. It was awkward between us and i couldn't even look at her because i still had feelings for her. Over that schiol year her and I never really acted like that towards one and another. I wanted more than anything to be with her. Also, I am a Christian and I know that, that behavior is frowned upon.During winter break her and another girl spent the night at my house...She made out with her the entire time right in front of me. I couldn't believe it. I had my heart ripped out if me in my own house. She left me right in front if me.This left me devastated. Literally that sound if her name made me think if everything we went through. How much I loved her. How much I love her.After many rants over tested she finally apologized. I didn't know whether or not to believe her. Than again, she is so easy to forgive.I forgave her which leads up to now.Today in the hallway she came up to me.(She has a girlfriend and we don't really talk, but we talk more than before) she came up from behind and hugged me around my waist. Just holding me. She put her head on my shoulder and whispered something to me. It was an inside joke we had. One we both never forgot because I kissed her first that night. My other friend was staring at me, as if she had seen a ghost (she had known about the winter break drama and didn't look at the other girl the same) I knew who was hugging me. My other friend leaves and its just her and I alone.She said she misses me.She says she wants me back and wants everything to be back the way it used to be. I didn't know where to look. She was staring right at me like she always did when she said she loved me. I know deep inside if she ever asked me to be hers I would in a second, not caring about how wrong it was. She kept hugging me. And I didn't want to let go.There's my story.I'm not sure what to do. Both of our parents would never let us see each other if they found out. My mom trusts me so much and it would break her heart to know that I lied to her when she asked if me and that girl had a thing.My best friend knows I love her. She knows I would give an arm for her if she asked me.I don't think this means I'm lesbian. I'm not attracted to other girls.I just don't know what to do if she asks me out. I do love her with all my heart.I just dont know if she can fix Me because she is the one who broke my heart in the first place.Any comments and advice will be much appreciated.
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best friend, christian, friend with benefits, has a girlfriend, kissing, lesbian, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advice. I am just praying and I guess I will see what happens. Its hard to completely get her out of my life considering our past together. It is so hard to explain my feelings for her. It is like no other feeling and makes the word 'love' look like nothing. Although she is hard to trust, there are reasons I know I can. Even though she has hurt me (when she made out with that girl in front if me) I find it easy to look past because of what she has done to prove she cares. I do believe she cares for me, I just don't know if she loves me the way I love her. Myself, since I am not interested in other girls, find it hard to believe she would like me thar way. But than again, that six months we had something couldn't have been all a lie.. I hope.
A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (7 May 2013):
 i dont think youre a lesbian either..i think you are going through a phase.its gonna go away sooner than you think.just keep a distance from dis friend of yours and all will be fine.your mom will get hurt if you disappoints her and you dont want that.just try date a boy and see how it goes
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do believe she is playing me as well. It is painful. Yo know that she continuously and always ends up hurting me. I just can't help but love her. Its like she can do absolutely anything and I would forgive her. Sometime I chose to be with her and just deal with the pain if knowing it's not real. Which is not a relationship I want. I am very very confidential and faithful in my religion. I know it is wring and is written but the back of my head tells me God loves me anyway and that he knew it would happen. Also, my family. My sister had an experience like this and kept it from my parents and lied to them. She ended up being grounded for a very long time. Right now she is married to a Guy that cares about her very much. I just try to avoid bad situationd. Especially anything that well disappoint my parents. My family is my everything and I can tell them everything. Except this. Since me and that girl aren't anything right now I figured not to bring it up. I want to tell them but I want them to accept it. Its not all girls. In fact it is her and only her I have feelings for. So much that even when I had a boyfriend I missed her and would have liked to be with her instead. Its very confusing. I'm just praying and going with whatever happens. But at the same time I don't want to be going in a circle.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): Wow, there's a lot going on here. First there is the issue of sexuality. Then, your parents and values. And last, if this is a relationship worth pursuing.Sexuality is not so black and white as we want it to be. I, for example like men and consider myself a heterosexual women, but I have been attracted to women in my past. I don't find that confusing, in general, I just know that sexuality is much more complex than society likes to define. As a 28 year old women who comes from a family that would be devastated by this reality, I have never talked about it with my parents or siblings. They wouldn't understand and they would feel sad and worried, and for me, it would bring out unnecessary drama. You are a teen, so it's trickier in some sense. I do not feel comfortable saying: go ahead and do what feels right and don't worry about your family. I think you still need guidance, perhaps a female (not a male..sorry boys) who is older and you can check in with on this issue as you go, this board is good. Do you have anyone else you trust, a female mentor of some kind, a guidance counselor at school?It sounds like you are not bother by your feelings. But you also sound like you don't want to lose your parents trust either by going against their values? As an adult, you will have the freedom to decide what your feel is right and wrong for you. It's good to have and open mind always, but ultimately you will make your own choices.It's harder as a teen. But, I remember being 15 and making my own choice that went against my parents values. Some of them worked out, some of them didn't. Ultimately, I think it is a healthy sign that you are considering them in this decision making.As for the relationship with this girl, it's going to flow the way it will. It sounds like, you are really into her and are ready to step forward. Relationships when you are younger are all about learning what you like in a person and what you don't like, whatever happens between you and her, it will be great learning grounds for your future.Good luck..and keep us posted!
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