A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love life,my daughter, and I think I love him. Recently him and I have been arguing pretty bad so i decided to pack up my stuff and move back into my parents did I mention my kiddo isn't even one yet. My main reason why I left is our fights get out of control not only that I was furious he took the phone and car left me with nothing knowing I had plans for the day. Its his car and phone as well...so i'm understanding yet he wants me to call stuff mine when its clearly not. He says i'm not in it 100 but how can i possible be... when he does stuff like that or throws tantrums about how I am in his house that is his car blah blah blah. I stayed at my parents for four days and boy was it hard baby was not comfortable with her surroundings at all she made it hard for everyone to sleep at night. I felt like a burden to them although I know they don' mind helping. Me...i work a lousy part time job so my mother cares for her while im working. The situation is the house he says is his is more his brothers and his they "share" it i guess...my Bf is at his brothers Beck and call its a bit disturbing sometimes its a bit concerning to me. Ive never been with a man that was so dependent on a relative yet less your older sibling portraying some sort of father figure. I feel stuck I don't want to be a burden on my parents but i also don' want to be with him. what do I do? My parents want me to work it out so bad with him.... but honestly if I do its only to make others happy. I barely see him,we rarely do anything its boring as hell. We don't even go out to eat anymore. Its sad... i'm lost and just want to hear of options. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): Do not go back due to parents. Wait it out, leave him and eventually get a place of your own or move out when the time is right. Divorce the dude and take him for all you can especially child support. With that alone you can support yourself and your children someone where else where it will be safe and sane. Never live your life for your parents. If they have one of their own, they would understand that. Good Luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): You've created a false dilemma for yourself : be a burden on your parents, or else resume a sexual relationship with that a$$hole (so that he will at least let you share the roof over his head and pay for other stuff). This is so disrespectful to yourself. Why don't you work towards becoming financially independent? Since your mom is willing to take care of your kid while you work, then get a full time job or pick up a second part time job. As an adult you need to not rely on another person to pay for the basic necessities like housing and food and transportation. Thats like being a kid. You need to have these basic expenses under your own control otherwise you are beholden to whoever is paying your way through life. You will lose your self esteem along the way. And let this be a lesson - don't ever become financially dependent on a boyfriend or sex partner, always make sure you have the means to pay for your own and your kid's living expenses. Otherwise if the bf turns out to be a jerk you will tolerate abuse because you have to in order to continue having a roof over your head. This means you need to work and work and work to earn money and you need to live frugally and save your money. You're very lucky you have parents around who are willing to help you. Graciously accept their help now but make sure you're using this grace period to build up your own savings on your own. You don't want to be a burden on your parents? Then make sure you repay their kindness by working 2 or 3 jobs to earn your own money. That's the solution, not to go and sleep with a guy so that he will take over the paying of your living expenses.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): Focus on school - go to college, go into nursing or dental hygiene. It'll get you out of a miserable life - you'll never be dependent on a man again.
Ask your parents if you can stay, go back to school full-time/part-time and over 5 years finish school. Five years will go by anyway - either you'll be living with some guy dependent on him & his moods or you'll be an independent woman. It's hard work, it takes focus and little attention on men, but its your only way out of crappy jobs and crappy men.
Ask your parents for help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): Whatever you do, do NOT go back to him, that will do no good at all it will only keep you stuck or dragged down more. cut him out of your life.Don't work it out with him just because other people, even if it's your parents, want you to. are they nuts? they're not the ones who are in the relationship with him, they're not the ones who had to live with him, they don't know what he's like in private. is he the father of your kid? If so, then see to it that he pays child support, because you are not going to be living with him anymore.Work it out with your parents, not with him. make a deal with your parents that you will only stay for as long as it takes for you to figure SOMETHING ELSE out. Or offer to pay them rent and do all the housework in return for living in their house. maybe you can look for a roommate to help lower the cost of rent, so you can move out and be on your own but not with him. Do you qualify for low income assistance of any kind?
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