A
female
age
26-29,
*oftballgirl334
writes:I am so confused. I am really sporty and tomboy. I have more guy friends than I have girl friends. I can hang with the guys more easier than I can with most of my girl friends. I am 13 and I wear no makeup. I'm not fat but yet this one guy lets call him Fred. Well Fred keeps calling me fat and saying "Fat chicks talk about sports to make themselves feel better." But I know I'm not fat and this guy keeps making me feel like I am. It really upsets me where he calls me a fat dumb idioit or something like that, and then 10 minutes later he texts me and starts talking to me like we are best friends. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I ignoar him? Tell him how I feel? Or just keep talking to him? He is kinda fat himself. And I'm 5'9" SO I tower over him and he is 5'0". But I am clueless what to do. Also, all i do and think really is about sports. I love playing them and beating guys at them. i am tall and fit. I am 5'9" and i'm still growing. I think guys think of me as one of the guys. I wear unfashionable clothing and I really want to become more fashionable. i Like it that the guys think of me as one of them. But they never talk to me like I'm actually a girl. I need help. I will not wear makeup but I really need to have more girly fashion. But I hate pink. And help? I want to be fashionable but still be "one of the guys".
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female
reader, confused.com?  +, writes (8 July 2009):
yes i wasnt keen on that comment either, like i said just be your self what ever makes you happy and comfortable is all that matters stuff what other people think!!!!
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (3 July 2009):
I didnt like that comment either- it was basically saying you saying you have to pretend to be "Miss Priss" - that it would be "easier" to get boys if you were feminine, but you are 13- and relationships shouldnt even be your concern right now! You enjoy the hell out of 13 while you can- playing sports or whatever you want, and dont worry everything starts making a little more sense the older you get.
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A
female
reader, softballgirl334 +, writes (3 July 2009):
softballgirl334 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all the help. ANd I'm confused about one comment. They said that "You need to understand God made you a girl/woman so you cannot be "one of the guys"." I am a strong believer in God but I don't think that the Lord really cares if you hang around other guys. I know he made us in his image and we are still girls. But I feel he really cares about other things and that comment kinda pissed me off. I mean I can be who I am. We don't live in the 1st century! In the bible it states that woman shouldn't work. And that was true then. Where woman had to take care of there kids. But anonymous. I really feel that you are stateing your opion but still I can be who i am. And being compeltely feminine and giving up sports which is what my life has been for the past 4 years is something I am not going to do! I don't forget that I am a lady. And you aren't my mom. My parents don't have a problem with me being how I am. SO I don't see how you should tell my that I cannot be one of the guys.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (3 July 2009):
 1) Tell Fred to stop calling you fat. I agree that he probably likes you but he needs to get a grip on that. Also, let him know that if he keeps calling you fat you're going to quit talking to him. You don't need a boyfriend who puts you down. Pffft.
2) There are ways to look fashionable without being too "girly". The key is to always look presentable. Keep your clothes, hair and nails well maintained and clean. Check out a few lady's magazines and see if there are any clothes and looks you like. If you like wearing jeans and jerseys and such, find some that fit your body a little closer (but not skin tight). However, the best accessory for anyone is self-confidence. As long as you feel good about yourself, things will be awesome for you.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, confused.com? +, writes (3 July 2009):
it sounds like fred has a crush on you! as for been one of the guys i know where your comeing from i used to be through my school days and i was happy and comfortable with who i was ! when i left school i changed slowly into what i wanted to be which was me! now im really into my fashion and stuff but still get classed as one of the lads cause of how i talk to them and the conversations we have! my advice is to not change into sumone thats not u just enjoy been a 13 year old anging out with the lads etc thats who you are you will change but in ur own time with out relising it, but if u are truly unhappy maybe get your mum or some riends to go shopping with you to get a few new outfits just to wear at discos and stuff maybe....dont be in a rush! :-D xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): You need to understand God made you a girl/woman so you cannot be "one of the guys". You can have your own style yes but don't forget that you are a girl/woman. I think your "friend" has no right to disrespect you but he does so because he feels you don't respect yourself. I mean in this world most people who try to look and be what they are not are rejected most of the time. Because if they cannot accept themeselves for who they are it means they have low self esteem therefore people can walk over them all the time. You are in a very difficult age and you need to identify yourself with female role models because you'll want to flirt and look girly enough so guys would notice you in the future. I think you should talk to this "friend" of yours and tell him that's not nice and you are not going to accept it. Don't talk to him or acknowledge him until he starts treating you like a lady. But rememeber that you have to act like it too to be treated as one. Yes you can be a tomboy and still get guys to ask you out and all but it will be easier for you if you become more femenine.
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A
female
reader, nardis +, writes (3 July 2009):
I'm not a relationship expert but it sounds like he likes you. He is calling you fat in front of his friends because maybe he doesn't want his friends to find out about you. Every 13 year old boy is like that. you have your whole life to be fashionable and look glamorous right now just be a 13 year old and have fun. all these doesn't matter when you get into college...TRUST ME!!
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A
female
reader, nardis +, writes (3 July 2009):
I'm not a relationship expert but it sounds like he likes you. He is calling you fat in front of his friends because maybe he doesn't want his friends to find out about you. Every 13 year old boy is like that. you have your whole life to be fashionable and look glamorous right now just be a 13 year old and have fun. all these doesn't matter when you get into college...TRUST ME!!
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A
male
reader, JSBach +, writes (3 July 2009):
Sounds like Fred is a bit of an idiot. At that age boys start taking an interest in girls, but they don't really know how to talk to them, and sometimes the little kid in them takes over - they think it's funny to tease people. My son is about your age, and he does this all the time. Boys are less mature than girls at your age. A couple of weeks ago I had to pick him up from the cinema where he had gone with a bunch of friends from his class. The boys were all standing in one group and acting like kids, whereas the girls looked like little ladies, and they all gave the impression of being a couple of years older than the boys.Tell him how you feel, and then tell him that you won't have anything to do with him until he's grown up a bit.But don't worry too much about how you dress. Some guys go for really girly girls, but if you're a nice person most boys won't care if you wear dungarees and combat boots. In fact, obsessing about your appearance is a surefire way to turn boys off you.
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (3 July 2009):
Well its possible Fred has a crush on you. Adolecent boys have a way of flirting- in all the wrong ways. As far as your fashion- go to the mall (or wherever you shop) find more "girly" things that appeal to you, and get them! I knew a girl like this in highschool- she was the best basketball player in the school, because of her our school won state all 4 years she played. She was tall and mostly all her friends were boys, other than her teammates. Then she went on to college ball and made headlines in the paper over there! I never saw her dress too feminine except once- she wore a dress and she looked nice in it! She never had boyfriends tho, she kept her head in the game, so to speak. Now she moved back home and is getting married! (its a small town- everyone knows everyones business) Anyway all I'm pointing out is that you shouldnt worry too much about your classmates opinions bc if you are really good at what you do then you can blow them away with your accomplishments!
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A
male
reader, J1E1S1U1S +, writes (3 July 2009):
Okay well the first thing you have to know is if you do become more "girly" instead of tom boyish then the guys are going to start to like you and you could loose that factor as one of the guys, but as for the dude that says stuff, you should tell him about how you feel and tell him you dont like it. If he does not stop then he is not a very good friend in the first place. He seems to be telling you, you are over wieght just to make himself feel better dont let it get to you.
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