A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ive come to the conclusion I am never going to meet anyone special. Im 35 and without being big headed v attractive, fit, with my own home car etc. I was badly hurt 4 years ago and took the time it needed to get over it but Ive been single for most of this time now. All my friends have children and partners and Im worried This is it for me. I dont ooze desperation when Im out but I just cant meet anyone I either fancy or I think is my equal. Most men are really short and bald where I come from and I know this sounds funny, but Ive even considered moving away for a year or so to see if the grass is greener in say Canada or Australia? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 I think Country Woman has it right. You should be sure of what the problem can be before you try moving to another country. If you don't do that, you might end up having the same problem wherever you go.
I also think I perceive some kind of insatisfaction with the people you would be with. I'm not sure whether you got very picky after the break-up, because you were hurt and don't want to suffer again, or you're just trying to find emotions that Irish men can't give you. Some people just wouldn't want to be with the usual people they meet where they live, as they find them boring or uninteresting. I know, because a friend of mine said she would never marry a man from the country where I live. She's from here, but she says she just hates the thought of a cut-and-dried, ordinary life. Perhaps this is your case?
A man from the English-speaking community might not be that different from what you are used to, and he might show to be different just to the happy degree you wanted him to be.
Have you thought about Latin America? I'm sure you could be a hit here. Be careful, because the men here could be a little too different for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): I actually am very down to earth with a good job and certainly dont look down on people, unless like over here the vast majority of men have a raving coke habit. I have been to counselling over the disaster 4 years ago and thats why I didnt rush into looking for someone and didnt dismisss the posibility of being approached either. Honestly.. I think its just here is the problem. Men as I said can be violent..bred into them unfortunatly..with drug habits and bordom problems. I have tried to do the whole internet thing a couple of times but end up being contacted by total dorks or guys wanting sex asap. It seems I cant win
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 OK so you say you have all it takes to attract the man of your dreams, but do you honestly?
Are you into a materialistic world or are you down to earth?
When we are single we have different objectives and what is important in our world is completely different to those of our friends or family, believe me I used to think my sister moaned about her life when she was alone with 3 children under the age of 4 but now that I am on my own with my 7 year old daughter I can truly say I know where she was coming from and I only have one child.
I was on a different planet when I was with my ex for 15 years before we had our daughter and what was important in my life is nothing compared to what I know is important now.
Please don't think I am condemning you as that is just not the case but I do wonder whether you feel that everyone is just not your equal and that is what is coming across.
I think a move abroad is quite a drastic step to take before knowing whether the way we perceive those around us is the problem here.
Have you gone down the route of just chatting to people online and see what is out in the world before taking the plunge so to speak.
When we think that the grass is greener, when we get to that grass it just isn't as green as we thought so just tread gently that's all I am saying.
Does the Canadian or Australian lifestyle appeal or the men? Consider how you would support your lifestyle if you made the move. Don't cut off all your options as Ireland is obviously your home so keep your options open is my advice.
Do you have a good job at the moment or is that getting you down?
Have you thought about the UK or perhaps France or Italy instead as the continental lifestyle and pace is so much slower and they say the Italian men are very attractive. Must admit haven't seen that many unattractive Italian men over the years! lol
You say you were badly hurt 4 years ago, so do you put up barriers to those who want to get to know you but they don't approach you because they might get a flea in their ear so to speak?
Have you ever addressed the hurt you suffered in counselling and did the pain of it affect your self confidence at all at the time?
Getting over pain like that either destroys us or makes us invincible so how did you cope with it?
I got stronger from my pain but it hurt like hell and I haven't let anyone get close to me since but I have some good male friends who I met on line. I went through counselling and couple counselling and Relate at the time of the proverbial hitting the fan and it has helped me with coping mechanisms and day to day life which is not always rosey. Letting someone close to me also means I let them get close to my daughter so my situation is slightly different to yours I grant you.
Just a few things to consider in my opinion only OK.
Take care and always here to chat any time.
BFN
Country Woman
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