A
female
age
36-40,
*loodyheart9
writes:hi im a fifteen year old girl, and recently i found out that some teachers have been talking about me. im a fairly good student, a bit loud i admit, but nothing too bad.however, my friend's mum works in the school office, and the other day she overheard the staff talking about me. they said that i was really foul mouthed, nasty and very rude. i was so shocked, and felt really sick. my classmates backstab me, but teacher as well?! i dont understand, im always polite and when i swear, its privately with my friends. why are they saying these things?i feel so terrible that im thought of in this way, and im dreading school. can anybody help?
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female
reader, bloodyheart9 +, writes (23 March 2010):
bloodyheart9 is verified as being by the original poster of the question wow thank you very much for all of your comments! i will take everything you said on board- i will use this as constructive critism.and don't worry- i will NEVER become those annoying loud people you see in parties.thank you very much xxxx
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Well, if you really think they said these things and you value their opinion of you, then maybe it's a wake up sign. Maybe it is time to step back and look at yourself the way other see you and make some changes. It doesn't mean you have to be someone you're not, but less of the "overbearing" loud side of you could be a good thing. We've all had that one loud, annoying, sort of crass friend that seems fun to party with in the beginning, but then later you just find them to be annoying. You don't want to be that girl, right? So tone it down a bit; use this as constructive critisim, rather than feeling like they're back-stabbing you. It might actually be the best thing that ever happened to you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): Your friends' mum is well out of order repeating what she heard when the teachers thought they were chatting privately. Obviously teachers need a place to discuss things about their students, or just to vent. That's why most schools forbid students from the staff rooms.
I can only think that she repeated what she heard because she wanted to hurt you, which isn't nice at all. Because of that, I think you can expect she put the worst possible light on it.
As for dreading school, you won't be treated anything different. Believe me, this wouldn't have been the first time your character was discussed; most staff room conversation is so repetitive I want to kill myself just for a bit of variety.
As for the content, a re-examination of your behaviour is in order. But with the understanding that the woman who told you sounds like a real piece of work (betraying the confidences of others, using them to hurt their daughter's friend).
As the other teacher pointed out, loud, rude, self-centered people can be a real pain in the arse. Both at school and socially (lord, save me from those people at parties). Please don't become one of those people (I like witty and intelligent conversation at my parties, not endless discussion of who did better with their real estate purchases).
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (22 March 2010):
 I agree with eyes, you have only found out about this second hand - how reliable is this woman to you? Could the whole scenario have been embellished?
As a teacher myself, what I will say, is that I dont like pupils swearing, even if it is to their friends in private conversation. If I overhear words like that used in my class, they do get spoken to about it. I wont tolerate it at all. Bottom line. It is about respect for youself as much as other people. Swearing is not a suitable thing for school, or any polite situation in public.
The English language has so many words, why do you feel the need to use foul language at all?
As for being loud - you admit to this. So do you talk in class? Do you interrupt your teacher, or generally gossip during lessons? From a teachers point of view, this can be one of the most frustrating and annoying things in the world, as well as being totally disrespectful. Have you ever been in a position, where you are trying to talk to someone, and they have totally ignored you? Not fun is it. Multiply that by every class you teach, and by the end of the day you could quite happily throttle certain students. Standing in front of a class, where there are maybe 3 or 4 students having their own conversations and not taking a blind bit of notice makes you wonder why you even bothered to turn up. Sadly, after multiple people talking in class and ignoring you, no teacher is immune from having to let off steam at the end of the day, like anyone else, we need to have a moan. Sadly, you may have been at the brunt end of that. Perhaps you were in the last class of the day, and the teacher had just had enough of the bad behaviour and singled you out as the last straw that broke the camels back? It happens. Teachers are not saints.
Yes, it was unprofessional IF the teacher was discussing you personally within hearing range of others, especially non teaching staff who do not understand the meaning of confidentiality. I do wonder what else your friends mum has been telling about other people tho? But staff have a duty to report behaviour problems, if they think there is enough of a concern, as this can lead to a decline in learning, and ultimately, school is about learning and our responsibility to you as students.
If you are a good student, they may be worried that you are being led astray by your friends. They may see you being polite in class, and then suddenly turn into a completely different person as soon as you go into the playground. Teachers see everything, and you may think they are not watching your behaviour when you are just with your friends, but we do keep an eye open all the time.
My advice would be, dont swear, and try and curb the loudness in class. Try and be more respectful to yourself, and focus on lessons, not chatting to your mates, and take that good behaviour wherever you go. Not just restricted to when you are in class.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 If you can believe for sure what your friend's mother is saying,then it was very unprofessional for the teaching staff to be discussing a student when there was a chance that they would be overheard. Are you absolutely sure that your friend's mother just doesn't like you potty mouth being around her own kid and is just trying to get you to clean up your act?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): I feel really bad for you lovely, this has happened to me before. Short of leaving or sticking it out I can't think what advice to offer you... maybe just be super-nice to them and get one better. Be the mature one in this situation, seeing as they're obviously not cracked up for it. :-( x
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A
female
reader, tjazzy  +, writes (22 March 2010):
Yes, you feel bad because you feel guilty. You feel guilty because you know some of the stuff is true. So what can you do? Sit down, search yourself, identify your faults and consciously start to change for the better. If they were lying 100% you wouldn't have felt this bad.
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A
female
reader, Aliceinunderland +, writes (22 March 2010):
 That's pretty nasty... There are two things that could have happened: 1. The teachers were messing around, often teachers say that I'm terrible and the worst pupil on school, but they're just playing and really mean the opposite. 2. Your friends mum could have heard wrong...
If it turns out teachers are saying this I suggest you tell your parents and file in a complaint. Lots of pupils don't know half the things teachers say about them, remember we're all people, we all have opinions, but this is unprofessional.
Good Luck
Aliceinunderland =]
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