A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:two years ago i met this amazing girl, online, she liked me, and she showed me that she's interrested in having a relationship with me.i was interrested too... she was so cute and an amazing person.. or at least that's what she showed me so i asked her to be my GFafter talking everyday for hours and hours for few months, we started to really fall inlovei told her my secrets, and when she told me hers i felt so close to her and so protective... (she was raped when she was a kid, and she was using drugs for a year or so and still using it while we were together)i told her it's ok... i told her that i'll be next to her to help her getting over the addiction, and that's what i did, i was there everytime she needed me.. she tried stopping ... she stopped for a while but she used it once again cz she couldn't resist it,,, and when she came back she was totally under the influence... she told me, and turned on the cam... she was not feeling ok, and i saw it all, it was so frustrating seeing her feeling bad while not being able to help her.. i said it's ok... and that we will try again getting over the addiction, i stayed up all night talking to her, trying to make sure she's ok cz she was having problems breathing..i thought i'm gonna lose her...i loved her so much! i loved her TOO much! and couldn't stand the thought,.. but never made her feel my weekness... i was showing her the strong side to make her feel safesince her dad was very tight... he wanted her to marry a guy from a foreign country that she didn't love... she said that she prefers to die b4 marrying a guy that she doesn't love... i suggested that she runs away from her house for a while till the man goes back to his country... and i suggested that she goes to a rehab... to take adventage of this time to get over the addictionafter making sure that it was what she wants too... i started helping her to leave the house... she ran...it was a month b4 christmas...she subscribed to a 1 month program and she was supposed to be out after christmas by 2 or 3 days... since we had no contact during that period.. she missed me alot and kinda payed someone a big amount of money to get her a cellphone that she can use to call me... and that's what she did knowing that it's illegalto cut it short, after she got out of rehab... her grandmother died.. the gramma that she was so attached to..she was depressed all the time.. and as usual i was 24/7 there...after 2 weeks she stopped signing in to her ym account... i tried to call her but she never answered... i called her friends no one knew where she was...after a month of waiting for her online.. 24/7(literally!) i was shocked by the fact that she signed in for few seconds to tell me that she's ok... that someone was involved with the death of her gramma and that she almost hurt that person when she knew about it and that she's in a friend's house cz she's in trouble and she needs some time away from all the mess she's in.and boom, she was off again...2 weeks later she's on again.. telling me that it's better to be friends for now, to pause our relationship so we don't ruin it... she said she still want to be with me and that we'll be fine after she deals with all the probs in her life... but for the mean time she can't "handle a good relationship"i was a wreck... i was depressed..i didn't sleep for weeks... i lost weight, i told my parents that i'm gay cz i couldn't stand the pressure of all of what;s happening in my life, i risked being kicked out of my house...and losing my family cz of her, but my parents showed me what "good parents" mean... they were ok with iti msged her everywhere dozens of msgs everyday... i was almost a stalker..my mum wanted me to see a psychiatrist and i did... i went thru therapy for monthswhenever i stopped the msgs ,.... she would start calling me again and msging memonth ago... she msged me on my ym, saying that she needed help... and as my usual self... i was there for hershe said that her dad wants her to marry the "guy"again and that her parents are really being hard on her... and she told me that she wanted to leave her country and go to the us, but her parents blocked her credit card... so i offered to send her money... and i insistedshe was NOT ok with it at first... but i really insisted cz i wanted her to be ok... after that i sent her the money, she msged me once saying that she has it now and she appreciates what i did for her, that she's in the airport leaving to the us, and that she will give it back to me once she's there. after that she never signed in to her ym, never heard from her again... it has been a month and few days right now...i don't care about anything... i don't care about the money, but i feel so stupidand the worst thing is that, i didn't date anyone after she left... i can't imagine myself with anyone but her, i love her deeply.so my question is... WHAT IS THAT? is it love or am i some kind of a maniac?! is it normal to love this way even after being hurt so deeply?!i don't even know the reason why she really left! she never told me! she says that one day i'll understand!she says she still wants to be with me in the future, and i said i'll wait for her to be ok again and ready for me, but do you gyus think it'll work out? i don't know if i can be the same person with her... eventhough the feelings are still the samethere is this amazing girl that is interrested in being in a rel with me... but i'm too affreid to get into something right now... i don't know whyshould i keep waiting? i just can't date anyone! it has been a year now! please help!!!!it was a gr8 relationship (and that's what she always said when we were together) so is it logical that she ends up a gr8 rel cz her gramma died and she's having trouble with her life?i'm sorry it was so long! but i really need ur help :(thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): This woman has built trust. Abused that trust. Paid no real consequences for these actions other than ones outside of her control or ability to influence.She has strung you along for a very long time without ever once living up to the promises. She takes and takes and takes. But never gives.You need to give her an ultimatum NOW. Tell her either she wants a relationship or she doesn't. You refuse to be strung along and have your trust taken advantage of any longer and that if she doesn't start to pay back the money she borrowed (you did get receipts and have at least a rudimentary contract written out as proof... or at least saved your conversations where you two organised it all?) then you will be engaging the services of a good lawyer and will crucify her in the eyes of the law.Flynn 24
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 It sounds like she used you, but even if she didn't girl is too unstable right now for you to get involved with any further. It's possible that her parents will get her back and she'll ask for more money. don't be so easily convinced. what's in it for you? how are you really benefitting from this anymore? all you're getting is grief. depend on yourself for happiness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): HI, You are being her care taker, and that's all you can ever be to someone with HUGE problems like she has!!Please plz try to move on now to a better and more healthy relationship.I know that right now that's the last thing you want to do, but I can assure you that one day you will look back at this one and and be GLAD you are out. You cannot get a person off drugs until THEY are ready to come off them, and that's a fact. You are far to young to be embroiled in something like this.. infact, it has nothing to do with age.. you need to get out, fullstop. This girl could be using drugs for the next 15 years ( I hope she is not). but you cannnot take the chance she is going to stop now. Plus she has not been taking your calls.This is nothing to do with you at all.. nothimg to do with ' how much she likes you, cares, or loves you .. THIS is to do with her addiction which comes first in her life. You need to accept that. That 's how addiction works. No matter how much you talk to her, stay up talking to her, love her , care for her, do for her,nothing will change this. She may well contact you again when she needs you, but you see, addicts cannot form healthy relationships,( not out of choice , or intnetionally) and will always find someone to latch on to . This doesn't mean she didn;t like you - please remember that, but now is the time for YOU to move on and protect yoursself. Don;t gwet dragged down by this. Maybe even try and block the messenger until you feel better which you will given enough time to move on which means no contact. Try to read up about addiction online. this will help you accept things. It takes time for the penny to drop. I know, I had a relastionship with a drug addict for 6 years, and I could not understand why he could not just stop . He kept on telling me that he was ill. It took me years to accept that and realise that he was not just being 'selfish'but was ill. I hope you move on soon, and find a healthy relastionship. Start looking ( whne your ready). You won;t look back once you've found on
e.That I can promise you. Good Luck. xxxx
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