A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A lot of people seem to think I'm 'weird' for various reasons, but I always tell myself that I'm a perfectly normal teenage lesbian. But some of the things others, including other lesbians, are saying is starting to make me wonder...One thing I often hear is that it's normal for someone to choose to be gay or to become gay later in their life instead of being born that way. Ever since I was little, I've liked girls, but have never been attracted to guys at all. (In fact my first crush was when I was 8.) It seems that I was pretty much born a lesbian, and some people say that's not normal.Secondly, I've heard that most lesbians are always thinking about and wanting to have sex. Many of the girls I've dated were like this, but I'm not obsessed with wanting sex. Is it common for lesbians to constantly want sex, and if so, am I normal to want to save myself for the woman I marry?Another thing is that I'm very open about my homosexuality, which no other homosexual or bisexual person I've met is. They always either hide it from nearly everyone or don't talk about it too often with heterosexual people. I don't care who knows (which has resulted in pretty much the entire school knowing :p) and I never try to hide the fact that I'm a lesbian from anybody. Am I supposed to keep this secret from most people like everyone else does?Other things I hear is that lesbians are instantly attracted to every single girl they meet (which I'm not); that they never have straight friends, especially guys (which I do. A lot of my close friends are straight guys.); and they always look at/watch porn (mostly lesbian porn, of course), which, again, I don't.Since so many people keep telling me this is how normal lesbians are, does this mean that I am not normal? I can't help if I'm like this, but it really bothers me that I might have a problem.Sorry if that was a bit long, but I could really use some answers.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): First, I DONT WATCH LESBIAN PORN MUCH OFTEN.
Second, every single my female friends are straight. (except one) and my BEST FRIEND IS A MAN
Third, sometimes i hide my sexuality(what a shame!), but it isnt normal nor abnormal =] like some people hide their athlete's foot or not!
&I think I envy you cuz sometimes i wanna be myself like you!
A
female
reader, alexanderhan  +, writes (13 February 2011):
 there isn't such a thing as "normal" or a "normal" lesbian. all those things that you've heard are false, its stereotypical and kinda stupid. its good to be open about your sexuality and that's good that you don't hide who you really are. people are born a certain way, in your case you were born a lesbian and you've always known that and never had a doubt. some people are born a lesbian but don't know it until later on it life which is fine either way, there's nothing wrong with that. i'm a lesbian and i don't always watch lesbian porn lol. no two people are the same and sometimes peoples views and opinions are different.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): This is bizarre...I almost feel like I know who this is, but I'm sure it can't be. That would be way too much of a coincidence.
Everything you are saying is completely normal as far as I'm concerned! So don't be worried at all.
People who apparently "choose" to be gay later in life are likely bisexual to some degree.
If you were instantly attracted to every girl you met, that could pose a bit of a problem, no? ;)
This is how I am, and this is perhaps weird:
Looking around, I am attracted to a large percentage of women I see on a daily basis. However, that does not mean that I would entertain the possibility of having a relationship with every single of them, or even one of them on any given day, for that matter.
Base sexual attraction to another person is too commonplace for me, and so I look for something deeper. I would insist on being in love with the other person's soul. I think that is the key component.
In any case, I envy your ability to be open with other people. One reason some people, like myself, are a bit more secretive is because many of us are either scared or unsure how others will react. I don't like telling tons of people that I'm bi, because I don't feel that it's an entirely accurate description of who I am as a person, and people have a lot of prejudices against bisexual people (even/especially in the gay community). However, I am trying to be more open to the people closest to me in order to live an authentic life.
If this is who I think it is, you are an extraordinary person. It is your bravery that helped me come out, believe it or not. I wish more people were like you. It would make this world a better place.
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A
female
reader, scorpian lady +, writes (11 January 2009):
you sound like a lovely young woman, so don't worry that you're not 'normal' . what on earth is normal? If i could choose someone who is execellent daughter material you'd be her. Stay true to who you are.
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A
female
reader, blackroses2989  +, writes (31 December 2008):
 You are a very normal lesbian. You are very open and not ashamed of who you are. People really are born gay, some just dont want to admit it or deny it. Others have ot discover that they are gay, maybe they think they straight but once they have sex, realize that they aren't. Then theres people just like you, who know it right from the start. Everyone is different and may or may not be secure with there sexuality. You just happen to really know who you are.
There is nothing wrong with that. Good luck honey!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): im not 100% sure but i've read things on the internet and in a magazine that boys can't choose their sexuality but girls can maybe you want to research into it, well basically there is definitely no such thing as normal in this context i know a few lesbians 2 of which completely open about it, one who's kept it quiet for missions (long time) it's just it's in human nature to stress over what others think about us, catagorize people , judge, be hypocrtites i know people who call themselves "bisexual" and came out as groups, who've only ever been with the opposite sex no lesbian activity there- basically bull, attention seekers there will always be stereotypes, hypocrites my advice is just listen to your mind and body follow your natural instinct, you're doing a good job always stay honest and happy xxx
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reader, damaged heart +, writes (30 December 2008):
well first of all you are totally normal!
its ok to not want to have sex or anything.. but just the fact that your like that doesnt meen that yor not normal! :S
anyways..every girl is different ofcourse the thing about being attracted to ALL your freinds who are girls is NOOT true !
you can have alot of friends who are girls and just hangout with them and not be attracted to them
i suggest you dont worry too much on that really you shouldnt! enjoy being who u are :)
tc hope this helped ya :) :) !!!
PS: im a bisexual aswell :)
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A
female
reader, lah mouw +, writes (30 December 2008):
 I don't know who's been telling you that stuff, but it seems mostly stereotypical. Even if that stuff was true, it wouldn't matter, because like you said you don't feel that way. That's the only thing that really matters. Don't worry about what other people are telling you. Just focus on how you're handling things, because that's how it should be handled. If you say you were born attracted to girls, you're not constantly thinking about sex, you don't look at porn...Then that's how you should be thinking. Not all lesbians think the same so you can't really define a "normal" lesbian. You're just as valuable as the next. So don't go lettin some other people tell you're weird because you think differently.
And being out there with your sexuality is wonderful. You should never be ashamed of who you are. EVER.
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female
reader, goodcharlotte4life +, writes (30 December 2008):
 this is my bisexual friend anwsering your question.
You are what lesbians strive for. You are young, so alot of "women" aren't that comfortable yet in telling everyone in their whole school, family or friends. That doesn't make them unnormal, and it doesn't make you unnormal. I am bisexual, and I don't find EVERY SINGLE girl attractive, Just because we like the same sex, doesnt mean every girl will be attracted to us. I highly don't believe that every gay person likes..every gay person.
Not all lesbians are the same. Just because some lesbians want to have sex, and want to watch porn all day, doesn't mean they are not normal. You are a smart young lady that knows what she wants in life, and for her future. Waiting till marriage is an awesome idea. A lot of people will look up to you for that.
Also, I believe some people are born gay. Because i have a cousin that is gay, and hes only like 11, and i knew since he was the age of 3. While he was running around the house with makeup, and doing cheers. & now- hes 11, and he knows hes gay.
Everyone is different, and that doesn't make us "unnormal"
So, enjoy life, and GAY PRIDE. :D
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A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (30 December 2008):
 All of the traits you describe sound positive, healthy, and well-thought-out to me. Saying there is a baseline "normal" for a lesbian is about like trying to identify the standards for a "normal" heterosexual...pretty much impossible. Not all straight people always want sex. Some of them watch porn, some of them don't; some of them masturbate and others do not. Some believe in sex before marriage and some prefer to wait. It is perfectly natural that among any group of people, including lesbians, there is a spectrum of beliefs and practices, and you shouldn't worry too much about what others think of these qualities in you. Someday you will find a woman who shares these values; in the meantime, you aren't abnormal at all :)
As far as whether or not being gay is a "choice"...while this is a controversial issue among those who wish to believe that gay people choose to be gay (and therefore can somehow be converted back to "straight," there is some scientific evidence that genetic factors are involved. For example, studies have demonstrated that sets of identical twins in which one twin is gay are more likely to BOTH be gay, suggesting that there may be one or more genes governing whether a person's preference is gay or straight. Gay behavior is also seen naturally in certain animal species, besides humans.
Hope this helps. Good luck!
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