A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, I'm a guy and I'm scared of sex... Before anyone asks, no I'm not a virgin but being a guy, there's a whole lot of pressure to achieve... And if you don't, there's that horrible look (and sigh) of dissappointment. Not only that but girls nearly always tend to say afterwards, 'he wasn't that good in bed.' This has been building up inside me for quite a while now and It's got to the point where I don't want to have sex...My new girlfriend said something the other week about her ex saying 'he wasn't that fun' whether she was just saying that or not is irrelevant. What if she says that about me in the future?? Is there anyway to deal with this problem?
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I disagree slightly with the previous poster. Not that you should be consumed with your future reputation, but you should WANT to please your partner, and leave her satisfied. Why don't you ask her to rate your sex lives, does she think it could be better, what would make it better for her, are there any fantasies she would want to play out with you? It seems to me that the fear of not performing up to expectations is sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy- you start to worry or focus too much on making it good that you forget to ask her how she feels, does that feel good, and make it a bonding thing for the two of you. try to emotionally connect with your partner, kiss her, and if she is still sighing with disappointment, ask her what you can do, what feels good to her, etc. so she ends her night satisfied too.
A
male
reader, Eruantion +, writes (18 May 2010):
I can't say that I agree with having sex before marriage, but that's your choice. I do have to say, had you been married before you had sex, you wouldn't have to worry about this. However, barring that:
You have to have sex for you. It is fruitless, pointless, and all around a bad idea to compair yourself to other men she may or may not have had.
You need to stop worrying about everyone else, and enjoy it for you. Easier said than done perhaps, but that's about the only way through it. If you can start to enjoy things for yourself, and not worry about what other people might think of you, your life (and sex life) will get a whole lot better.
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