A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:As a 33 year-old virgin who has never been in a relationship and has never, ever had sex how can you learn how to court a woman, flirt with her, ask her out, that sort of thing? That said, how can you learn about women generally? Are there actually any single women around by the time you hit your early thirties or is it basically too late then as everyone's taken up therefore you may as well give up?Why have I never had a relationship? I was badly bullied at school and in my 20s I felt I had nothing to offer. I am only now working my way out of how I felt then, bit by bit.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ChristineAvril +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Even women don't understand women, so what chance do YOU stand?
A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I think feeling like you "had nothing to offer" is a common fear for young men, so please don't feel that you're alone. It's wonderful that you're working your way out of feeling that way and (I presume) building a better life for yourself. Does that include taking good care of your body (eating right, working out, having good hygiene)? Being sociable? Doing fun things you enjoy? Because if not, I highly recommend you first build a life you love, before you start actively pursuing women to date. I have seen it so many times that once a man makes his life great, he meets the woman who's the right match for him.
I think there is some reason to fear that there are fewer single women in their thirties than, say, their twenties, but not all. For one thing, there are bound to be young women out there in a similar situation as you, trapped in a shell of self-doubt and shyness because of difficult life circumstances when they were younger. You're not the only one going through this. Women get bullied too; women also get scared of relationships thanks to some jerk men they date when they're young, and they may stay single for a while on purpose until they feel ready to date again. Also, as others have said, some women in their thirties have already married and divorced, so they're available again, and looking for a genuine, kind, interesting guy.
There's an Internet forum I frequent that has kind of a tough attitude (it's called Something Awful for a reason) but it has a really great bunch of smart, insightful, experienced, nerdy guys (mostly guys, but some girls like me) who are ready to help. Here is the thread for you:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3212582
It's free to just look at the thread, but to post in it you'll have to register an account, and it's not free. But it's really a good read. You can summarize the advice and ti's good advice, but reading the whole thing is what I recommend. Or at least the first 3 pages.
Also, one other big piece of advice from me: be kind to yourself. Don't talk yourself down. Don't say to yourself discouraging things like, "I can't do this," and "I messed up again," and so on. It's likely that as you're meeting people and trying to get to know them better, you'll have some disappointments on the way. Some disappointments are temporary and not deal killers (say you had a clumsy moment and you feel embarrassed) and you can't let yourself get negative about them. Talk to yourself about it in a neutral but encouraging manner (like "oops, that was a close one! Better be more careful" instead of "clumsy oaf!"). You'll be calmer and able to enjoy the experience more, which is really what it's all about :-) Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Eruantion +, writes (18 May 2010):
I would not suggest reading romance novels like the woman who posted before suggested. It might show you passion, but it will give you an unrealistic view of all aspects of a relationship. Most of the women I know would be creeped out by someone out of a romance novel.
Unfortunately it does seem like most of the women are taken by your 30's from what I have seen, but it's not all lost. Your best bet is not worrying about a romantic relationship at all. I know this can be a hard thing to hear, but it will help you in the long run.
Your best bet is to find friends (most noteably, female friends). With female friends, you can learn about what makes them tick. Once you're done with that, you might just be pleasently surprised to find out that you've met a girl that you like, and that she likes you.
However, if not... then you'll be ready to search. This could all happen within a couple months, or a couple years. Not sure.
If you're impatient and want a relationship now, speed dating is always an option. At least that way you could find someone quick who might like you. Never cared for that idea myself. I like to really know someone before I consider dating them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): Well, it depends on if you are willing to go younger than your age or older. It seems that once the women hit their 30's they are usually married, but in their 20's they are ready to date and in their 40's a lot have gotten a divorce and are out on the prowl again. If you really want to know what a woman wants, read a romance novel. You don't have to be exactly like the guy in that book, but women of all ages need to feel like they are the "only one". As for why you have never had a relationship, that could be due to the bullying, but it could be because of many things. You'll be surprised by how many woman will be happy to find a man your age who is a virgin. Heck, if I could find a man who is a virgin that would eliminate the worries of STDs, but of course, most men will lie about that to get a girl in bed (no offense).Just go out to concerts or things your town/city has going, that's how most people meet, besides online. Good luck!
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