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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm a Christian, and 21 years old, but I made a huge mistake and gave my virginity away when I was 19. I gave it away to a man who ended up being emotionally abusive and I broke up with him. Later I was depressed and didn't date anyone for awhile. I am not planning on ever having sex again because I felt so guilty and shameful afterwards because I went against my core values, not until I get married. I am not depressed anymore and have accepted God's forgiveness, but still have lingering sadness about my bad decision. Following this relationship, I dated a much better person that my first ex could ever hope to be. He was everything my ex wasn't and I never had sex with my second boyfriend. However, we were too different and after a year, we broke up, yet we are friends.Following that relationship, I met a guy at my church who just recently expressed his interest in me. We ave so much in common that it's uncanny. Same religion, similar Hispnaic background, we attend the same university, even drive the same model car. We are still trying to get to know each other--I am not ready to be in another relationship and told him so. I told him let's be friends for now and see if anything develops. He agreed. I'm afraid he's going to ask me if I am a virgin. I don't wnat to lie, but I don't want to tell him something so personal about myself. I understand I don't have to tell him anything I don't want to, but what about if he's one of those guys who's had sex and had a lot of experience yet still lives in the double standard that he wants to marry a virgin? What if he judges me? Or what if he is a virgin and wants to marry a virgin? How should I react if I do tell him and he responds in one of those ways? Is my sexual staus any of his business? Should it ever be? He seems like he wouldn't do or say those things, but I feel like I would just be so shocked and hurt if he were to respond that way because he says he likes me and if he suddenly stops talking to me or liking me because I'm not a virgin, then I don't know what I would do. I would feel so outraged and humiliated that I don't know how I could react. Does anyone have any suggestions?
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female
reader, katt76ca  +, writes (23 January 2007):
I just finished reading what you wrote and also read some of the other comments here as well. I may not be a Christian, but I have met many over my lifetime. I do know that most of them are very forgiving people as well. So your lost your virginity to someone who you THOUGHT you could spend the rest of your life with. Things happen, people make mistakes. No one person is perfect. Just know that if this guy is REALLY as great and wonderful as you say he is, and also very much into the religion, then I am sure he would understand. However, that being said, if it gets brought up into conversation, then just be totally open and honest with him. I am sure he will forgive you for it. It was something that happen when your were younger and in your past. If however it doesn't get brought up, then as the cliche goes "Let Sleeping Dogs Lay".
Hopefully that helped and good luck.
Katrina (Edmonton, Alberta, Canada)
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male
reader, Steve169  +, writes (18 January 2007):
 Tell him the truth. Wait untill you are both happy in the relationship and you find yourself in a conversation where you feel happy telling him, or he asks. If he loves you then he wont care, however he might care if you conceal it from him and it was let slip years after u married, then he might feel betrayed, and as if he didnt truely know you, that could cause problems.
As to the religous aspect, on his part as a christian he should forgive you. And on yours, you should be honest with him, once you're both really serious about each other you'd both deserve the truth and forgiveness
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female
reader, TDMB +, writes (17 January 2007):
 I think you are getting too worked up about this one! At the end of the day, if he is as nice a guy as you think he is, he is unlikely to ask in the first place - or certainly not until you know one another alot better anyway.
As and when he does, be honest. As Christians there is no point building this relationship on a lie. Tell him you made a mistake and you regret it and that you have made peace with God about it. It's not his place to judge you and I'm sure he won't. If this information changes his feelings about you then he's probably not the great guy you think he is anyway.
I really hope it works out for you :o)
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female
reader, kad +, writes (17 January 2007):
@ the end of the day, i dnt c y he should ask whether yr a virgin, wot's that 2 do wiv him?! ok, so yr not a virgin, but we all make mistakes. u say that you've accepted God's 4giveness, so move on! as a christian myself, i would advise u 2 not hang on 2 wot u did a long time ago. God has 4gotten abt it - so should u! if yr bf asks u abt yr virginity, if u feel comfortable telling the truth then tell him u r not a virgin. if he's not going 2 like u jst becoz of something u did a long time ago, then that's his problem - his loss! u sound like a really nice girl so pls take yr time & find a guy who really likes u 4 u.
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female
reader, cd206 +, writes (17 January 2007):
 As far as I'm concerned Christianity is all about forgiveness. Therefore if your boyfriend can't forgive your past indiscretions he's not a great Christian. We all make mistakes, especially when we're young. The important thing is not to be ashamed of them and to come clean to the people it affects.
CD
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A
male
reader, moomoomoo  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 heres what you can do. ask him indirectly. be like, omg so this other person at church broke the rules of christianity or blah blah and lost his virginity... what do you think about that?? and you'll find out his views on it. also, it is none of his business unless you want it to be. CHANCES ARE, he won't care, unelss he's a REALLY serious christian. it depends on how seroius he is.. well anyway try my plan and good luck
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