A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Guys this is one for you!!I havent been shy (if you know what I mean)I have had a number of lovers though non of it was intentional.I never wanted to be used for sex but it happened.I confused sex with love to begin with then when they never got back to me I needed it to prove to myself that I was attractive.I do have a bad self image, while I have plenty of confidence, (which I think scares men off too) my self esteem is very low.Now in reality all I have ever wanted is a long term bf, are men put off by women that have gained skills (hmm now many more analogys can I use lol)if so and with honesty being the best policy, when would be the best point to tell them?How soon should you sleep with them?and where the best place to find a man that doesnt just want sex?Please help this has been bothering me for a very long time
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confidence, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (18 January 2007):
 How soon you sleep with a guy? Depends on you and the guy. If you are feeling used. Get to know them better first and if they really like you they will wait til you are ready. Some people wait 3 dates, others 1 month, others 10 dates, other 2 months and some more than 6 months. Even waiting a long time does not guarantee that it will work out. I would probably wait about a month or up to 10 dates, which ever quicker.
Who is right, you should feel when it is right.
Cannot say where best place is, weddings, library, courses, through mutual friend (worked for me).
but worse place is bars and clubs, they are more suited for night stands.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): you should sleep with someone when your comfortable with that person, when the time feels right...not because someone tells you its right, tells you ''you would if you loved me'' all those bull things.
its not the fact you have confidence that scares men so much (although most men arent to keen on it) its that you'd be surprised how fast the reputation of a 'loose'' woman spreads..if you had a few one nighters that will stick for a while.
if you want to change then you have to say no to these guys. you say your confident so be confident in yourself to say no
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A
male
reader, moomoomoo  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 depends on the guy i think, but my friends seem to be put off by it, but then they're weird, i know a lot that aren't. (although it does bother us in the back of our head)... i think you need a man who will just stay with you for a long time.. but with sex.. you can't just completely deprive them of it becuase it's probably unhealthy to do so for the relationship. You need to find a nice man who is caring and will stay for a long time, although i don't know how to exactly tell if they will or not. my experience is that people who are more educated will probably have a higher likelyhood of being this. how son should you sleep? not until they really convince u that you wont be left soon or used.. but remember you have to like the sex, i don't understand why you can't just use guys for that either.. haha
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