A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear world, I'm 30 years old ive had my share of unsuccessful relationships...mainly unsuccesful because of me. i've never been faithful in a relatonship. im emotionally cheating and sometimes it leads to cheating physically if the emotional part gets to far. Very rarely do i feel guilty about the cheating. I always find myself in difficult emotional dilemmas... on several occassions ive been in love with two men at the same time and want to date them both because losing one is unbearable. also choosing one is hard to do as well because whomever i didnt choose will haunt my mind and then im comparing the two men and im unhapppy with who ive choosen. so then i fight to get the other guy back and once ive wooed him back i slowly lose interest. what do i do. how do i find happiness with only one person. get my attention from one man and be satisfied???????? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): Do yourself a favor, break off any relationships that you have that are sexual, and get a good counselor.
What you say indicates a severe lack of self respect, as well as respect for others and for societal norms.
Why?
Well, that is the question that the counselor will help you get at.
? History of abuse, neglect, sexualization at a young age, rape, abandonment by one or more parents, incest????
There is ALWAYS a reason why, always.
A
male
reader, Cookiemonster5 +, writes (18 July 2011):
Well I know how you feel cause I used to cheat all the time. Until I met this girl who changed my life and I fell in love. So dont go out there looking for "the one" because your not going to find him. When you least expect it "the one" will find you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): I am the SAME exact way and I wonder the same thing!!
My answer to a boyfriend not giving me the proper attention and affection is to tell him first - and if he doesn't step up - to seek it from elsewhere. I also don't feel guilty about that because I gave him a fair chance to improve.
I've wondered if I'm addicted to love/attention?
I want to settle down and have a happy marriage - but it seems impossible.
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent  +, writes (16 July 2011):
Wow, if you don't even feel slightly guilty for cheating, maybe you are just not ready to settle down? Or maybe you just haven't met the 'one' yet? Either way, If i were you I would just date casually for now, and make it clear you do not want to be exclusive yet.
A word of warning though, the grass always seems 'greener' than it really is...!! :-) (and you do have to comprise a bit in a relationship, but if they're the one, it will be worth it)
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (16 July 2011):
 Did something happen to you in your past that has made you incapable of giving your entire self to one person. Looking in I would say you don't want anyone to get too close to you so you sabotage the relationship to ensure this doesn't happen. What is it you don't want people to see?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): "get my attention from one man and be satisfied????????"
You don't OP, you're just not wired that way. You're 30, this is who you are and how you do things. Just find a guy who is willing to be in open relationship with you. Monogamy is nice but it's not a rule, you can live how you want to but if I were you I'd find a man/men who feel the same way instead of hurting guys.
It's just the way you are, stop fighting it, embrace it and find a guy/guys who are into the same kind of thing. They do exist and it is possible to live a successful, polyamorous life, guilt free with like minded individuals.
The only thing you'd have to change about your current lifestyle is that you'd have be upfront with guys that this is your thing and be willing to accept their rejection to do the right thing by them by being honest from the start.
Being good to yourself means understanding yourself, you're a polyamorous individual, it's not a tough lifestyle OP it can be a beautiful thing free of all the drama and cheating if you embrace it and do it right. Google 'polyamorous dating' get some tips and meet like minded individuals online. Just because we're traditionally supposed to be monogamous doesn't mean that not being so is wrong. It is however *very* wrong to do so with little or no regard for others, or under the pretense of being monogamous.
If this is more that you like hurting people then I'm afraid there's no help available for that, if you get off on other peoples misery then I'm sorry you've come to the wrong place. But if it's just a matter of wanting to be with more than one man and feeling you can actually dedicate enough love and time to more than one then there are lots out there that live that way too. There is nothing wrong with being polyamorous.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): First off u should accept the fact that ur spoiled and unsatisfiable. Next understand that guys will not be perfect. Everyman is gonna do or gonna have a characteristic ur not gonna like and that's something in life ur gonna have to accept before being with someone. But u will have to find someone u can relate to undstands u and respects u and that in all can be with that you truly loveand that also truly loves you. Relationships take trust loyalty communication and understanding for them to last it seems as if maybe after a certain amount of time u get bored and cheating gives u that excitement but u should stop that state of thinkin erase it start brand new with the thought of doing things to keep ur relationship with one person exciting like going out takin vacations together just doing different things that exciting w that person . As of this situation with the two men I'd leave them both because either way u did them both wrong and they deserve better then that and u don't deserve to live ur life hiding in lies u need a brand new start hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): One word for you......REFLECT!
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