A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old and I'm in college. I've never had sex because I've never had a boyfriend and never wanted to sleep with random guys. No one ever believes me when I tell them I've never had sex mainly because I go out/party/drink a lot and occasionally make out with guys ( I've been told that I'm a really good kisser!). I just wanted to know if the fact that I'm still a virgin is a turn off for guys or not. People say I'm really mature for my age but I always feel like if guys are attracted to me because of my maturity, they would be disappointed if they find out that I have zero experience in bed. Is being a virgin as a 20 year old girl a turn off?
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kisser, never had a boyfriend, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Charter114 +, writes (21 June 2012):
I wouldn't see it as a turn off, butler me ask you this: is it a turn off for you if a guy is a virgin at 20?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): Your story could have literally been me! I am also 20 and a virgin. And it's definitely not a turn-off. As a guy I worry the same thing about me though.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): I'm a 22 year old guy, and I find girls who are virgins to be more attractive.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 No, to the right guy it won't be. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few days after my 20th birthday. There are many people who either choose to wait or just haven't had the opportunity - we just don't hear them bragging about their sex-less escapades. :p
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Turn off? Nope.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (14 May 2012):
 Youre alrite doll. Just wait for the right lad n ignore anyone who puts u down. In my experience attaching emotion to virginity is risky so i lost it to a complete stranger instead. Good luck.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 May 2012):
 I doubt many guys would see it as a bad quality. Having a sense of values and morals when it comes to sex is never a bad trait. Hopefully you will find a guy who think/feels the same way at some point down the line.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (14 May 2012):
 your virtue should be looked up to with respect from guys, and it says you have self respect about your self.
save it for the right man in your life so you won't have any regrets to look back on.
you can only give it away once. looking at you from a mans stand point if i was dating you, i would say you are worth wait for.( saying that with respect)
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A
male
reader, kingjoe king  +, writes (14 May 2012):
 swthrt...been a virgin at this age is something to be proud of...don't feel bad about it..every girl wants to be like you...you are the type every man wants to get married to...its rare to see a 20yr old as a virgin...those guys that come and cos u tel them u re a virgin are not the right..every right wouldnt want lose a virgin girl unless he wants sex...keep it up don't feel bad...i even wish you re my girl...i wouldnt want lose u...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): I understand what you mean as I was 19 and was probably the last of my friends to do the deed. Later in life, I realise I was on exactly the right path to have waited before sharing my body randomly with a succession of regrettable fleeting encounters.
So hold your head up, keep waiting until you have found someone you truly feel comfortable with and where there is an abundance of trust etc.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 May 2012):
 I think it will turn some guys off, yes. It'll turn off those who are just looking for casual fun. At least in my experience. When I was a virgin I dated this guy, we made out, went partying, he seemed really interested in me. Until he found out I was a virgin. I was actually eager to have sex and experiment, but this guy backed off. My thought is that guys think it means a lot of work if they date a virgin. That it'll take ages to get you to bed, or that maybe you are saving it for something, or that maybe you want a serious relationship right off the bat.
Or, maybe the guys think a woman's virginity IS a major deal. With it being hyped up and all, and then add in all the myths around it. Such a myth would be that a woman never forgets her first, or will always love him, or be more emotionally connected to him etc etc. These myths can make a guy think that if he has sex with you, being your first, he'll get "sucked in" for life with you.
Men do have a tendency to exaggerate, and in this case taking your virginity could be equal to asking him to marry you after one date. If the man thinks your virginity is a big deal, then he probably will feel it takes a big commitment to you to have sex with you. And right off the bat he isn't ready to make that commitment. Very few are, after all.
But, if he is level headed and mature he will know that your virginity isn't some precious, secret and mythical thing that will bind you and him together forever and ever. He'll know that you being a virgin just means you haven't had sex yet, because you haven't met someone who is good boyfriend material to you, and that there isn't anything else mystical about it.
My suggestion is that you don't tell men you date about you being a virgin, and just keep it to yourself. It's no one's business really. If they ask, sure, tell. Don't lie. But get to know a guy and have him know you and like you without adding the pressure of sex-talk. Bring up the fact that you are a virgin only after you and him are becoming an official item, and he is your boyfriend. In my opinion, such talk is better left to when the time comes for you and him to have sex, not sooner. The last boyfriend I had was a virgin at 24. I thought/knew he was a virgin, but I hadn't directly asked him. I didn't ask him until we were getting to that point in our relationship where we wanted to have sex. I don't see how it would be relevant to talk about it until then.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): "I've never had sex because I've never had a boyfriend and never wanted to sleep with random guys."
The two best reasons in the world NOT to have had sex. Not a turn-off by any stretch, as DoubleM says very much a virtue, though be advised you're probably going to have weed through a lot of losers before finding the right guy whose standards, morals and values are compatible with yours, but you won't regret waiting; I've never met anyone who regretted waiting, have known dozens who regretted not waiting.
NEVER compromise, NO guy is worth it, be true to yourself and you'll always walk with your head held high.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 May 2012):
 Your virginity is a virtue at this point in your life, as you will eventually know. Save it for the right man, and be very selective - this advice comes from someone (a man) who was extremely promiscuous in youth. Yes, it was fun, but resulted in very few lasting relationships. Being promiscuous is indeed fun, but usually leads to nothing more.
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (14 May 2012):
 Not in the least. Be honest about your past and never pretend to be experienced when you're not. This isn't an issue at all. People have sex when they want to, not because they feel they have to. Have sex only when you feel you want it, not because of peer pressure.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (14 May 2012):
 Nope, not at all.
In this day and age you've also done well to stand by your morals of waiting until you're in a stable relationship, so well done and good for you!
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