A
female
age
36-40,
*uttingKey
writes:I am almost 8 months pregnant with my first child. I have only been with the father for 10 months. I know it happened fast.. but I wanted to keep the baby and I couldn't be happier. It's a girl. :) Since i've been with Richie he has done nothing but lie to me about girls. He has very inappropriate relationships with girls he is friends with and he girls he meets. He has also slept with every single one of his friends that are girls. A few of these girls have had no respect. Sending pictures via text message of them to him.. writing him with all of their problems.. never once asking about me or showing any respect for our relationship and the fact that we are having a child. I was always suspicious but not completely until I looked at his email one day.The way he speaks of me to these girls is so negative. He doesn't flat out say anything horrible about me but he says I am over bearing and jealous of them. He actually tells them that.. which I think is crazy because I have no balls and have never confronted him on these women before or acted out. It's not in me to be a crazy girlfriend. Since i've gotten more and more pregnant.. things have NOT changed. He has made it painfully obvious that he is not stopping these relationships with these girls.. and not to mention he has been completely inconsiderate of how I feel mentally and physically since i've become pregnant. Doing nothing for when the baby comes.. buying things he shouldn't buy.. I do the laundry and all the cleaning and I am supposed to be on bed rest for the last month because I have pre-term labor which they had to stop with medication and strict bed rest. He didn't get to the hospital until 3 hours after he got out of work.. etc etc. Recently.. he started talking on the phone and texting and actually hanging out with a girl he works with who is 19. Come on. We are in our mid to late twenties. He works as a bartender and didn't come home once until 10am. I was trying to get ahold of him ALL NIGHT thinking something happened to him. I was hysterical. This was just a few weeks ago. Come to find out he was hanging out with this girl "Hannah" who is apparently a "good Christian girl who has been to Trinidad to help people in need" Yeah. Okay. She loaned him a book he said he was going to read.. blabla. They text. They call. I know. I've cried. I've told him how much it hurts me. He has done nothing about it. Just recently after I had a crying fit on how it hurt my feelings so bad.. he stopped talking to her. I know because I check the cell phone website (he never leaves his phone in plain sight.. he even takes it in the bathroom). I somehow got ahold of his phone to find text messages between them. She told him she was sorry she told him she liked him and he wrote to her.. don't be sorry.. no matter what I do someone is going to be mad. I finally confronted him. I knew the whole time she liked him. She waits until 2:30am when he gets out of work and she gets out at 12 just to hang out with him. Girls that just want a friendship with guys don't do that. He said she did say she had feelings for him and he said he couldn't remember what he said back to her when I asked him. He actually told me the truth but I think it's because he knows I went through his phone. I asked him if he stopped talking to her because she said she had feelings for him and he didn't reciprocate or because it hurt me. He said both. I just really want to know when exactly she told him she had feelings for him since his text messages aren't dated. Then I will know if it was for me or not. I doubt it was. I try and give him the benefit of the doubt as much as I can. I'm sorry this is so long but I miserable and really need some advice. He has lied so much about women and I am hurt. Really really hurt and angry. I want to confront this girl and tell her she's a homewrecker. She knows I am pregnant. I asked Richie why he even had to start a relationship with her to begin with and he said because of everything that was going on in our relationship. Which in fact was the being inappropriate with women and the lying. Which is exactly what he did with her. I asked if he has feelings for her and he said no. I don't believe him though. I don't believe him anymore about anything. I have a plan b and an apartment in the works if I want it.. it's mine and the baby's. I just thought he would be different.Am I crazy? Should I leave him? Should I continue to be a sucker and give him the benefit of the doubt? Every time I ask him these questions about her.. he gets defensive. He has always defended his relationships with every girl.. he really doesn't think he is doing anything wrong. Please. Someone. Anyone. I will be much obliged.Renee
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female
reader, drama_girl +, writes (22 November 2008):
 I'm so sorry...
I think you should leave him, if he can't respect and love you the way you do, it not worth it.
You can find someone that will love you and cherish you and your baby girl.
A friend of mine had a great relationship with her bf of 2 years, he worshiped her, but then she got pregnant and he just flipped, started treating her like shit, cheating, ect.
She left him and now dating a guy that didn't care that she had a baby and wanted to settle down. He treats her really great and shes happy.
You deserve to be happy. love is a choice, not always a feeling. If he won't change for you and his daughter, forgive and forget the love, he is the daddy, but i've heard a saying...
its not the mother who gave birth, its the mother who raised the child.
so in your case, its not the father whose 'sperm', but the father who raise the child.
your child deserves a great daddy...
oh and you can actually leave him and that might get him thinking...if he wants to be in his child life and yours.
good luck and let me know what happens...
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (15 November 2008):
 This guy is not ready to settle down with you and is not able to do the right thing by you. There is no way a person who loves you and is committed to you is going to act like this. One day one of these girlfriends is going to attract him from your side. Leave him before he leaves you.
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A
female
reader, CuttingKey +, writes (14 November 2008):
CuttingKey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh.. and about this girl Hannah. That Friday he didn't come home until 10am.. the next day was when she told him she had feelings for him. According to him he formed his relationship with her that Friday. She got feelings so fast? He recently told me that when she said she liked him he said he didn't have those types of feelings for her but yet over the next few weeks was when I was really getting upset over the texts and coming home late and phone calls.
He didn't stop talking to her for me. He continued to talk to her knowing that she had feelings for him.. telling me I was crazy thinking she liked him telling me no she doesn't.
I am making myself nuts.. I know. There are worse things in the world. I know that me and my daughter will be okay together alone. He should have been there for me. He isn't.
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A
female
reader, CuttingKey +, writes (14 November 2008):
CuttingKey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all of you. I appreciate you writing and giving advice. I need it!
I just found a picture of this girl in his phone. Last night I asked him if he had any pictures from halloween with her since they work together and he had pictures with everyone else. He said, "Why would I ever have a picture of her?" Then today there is one in his phone that he had saved.
He tried opening up to me the other night but obviously it isn't good enough. He said he doesn't know how to be considerate to women because of someone he was with in the past that treated him so poorly. He also admitted he trusts people too easily but I don't think because he admitted a couple of things to me that things are going to change for the better any time soon.
There is no way he doesn't have feelings for this girl. I am at a loss. Trying to be strong. Thank you all.
Renee
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A
female
reader, julianna  +, writes (13 November 2008):
I just had a baby myself my boyfriend was always there and if i said "babe the fan was blowin to cold" he took it off thats the way it should be wen ur pregnant he should be doing everything in his power to make u happy. The thing is while i was pregnant so was my co-worker and she had the same problem as u everyday she would come to work cryin her doctor visits were very often and her baby was breach due to stress. my thing is pregnance is a very difficult time for women and its also a test for our boyfriends/husbands if he can be the man you need him to be now, if he cant be faithful and honest to u now wen ur carryin his child no riskin ur life to carry his child then he is not worth being a part of ur life... his daughter life but not urs. Good luck with the baby hope u have a safe delivery.
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (12 November 2008):
 This is a tough situation.
Has he always been like this? It sounds like he may have been different in the past, and is now "checking out" of the relationship. This might be because he is afraid of his new responsibility as a father. He is running away so to speak. I would guess there is a 70-30 chance he cheated on you sexually, but its beside the point really.
The fact that he is checking out of the relationship is a symptom, and indicator. He has changed, just not the way you wanted him to.
You cant expect anyone to change. A constant theme in your question is "As I get more pregnant, he still isnt...."
I dont think he will be changing at this point if he hasnt made any commitments yet.
Bottom Line: If a relationship is making you unhappy, it is hurting you....why stay in it? Dont think you NEED him because he is the father. Your Daughter NEEDS him, but you dont. You are a strong independent capable intelligent woman who needs to be at peace and calm during this pregnancy, for your sake and your daughters!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): You should leave him. The stress is not healthy for you or the baby. You should look for someone new who can be a good dad to the baby and a good partner to you, who is prepared to commit and take care of you both. You have been very calm about this and he doesn't deserve you or the baby so you should leave and maybe get a relative or friend to help you out until the baby is older.
Don't confront this girl as you can't choose who you love. She will probably end up in the same boat as you though so perhaps you should warn her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): Hi Renee,
Oh girl, you can do so muh better for you and your daughter - when she comes. And I think from what you have written, you know you can.
Yes things happened fast between you, and we all make mistakes, but you have a baby girl to think about AS WELL as youself.
Be strong, and go it alone, and be a good mommy. If he's doing this now to YOU, what happens if acts this way when he has a child? Will you accept that daddy has other girlfriends? Will you allow him to possibly infect you with STD's when you have a little child to care for? Will you allow him to keep you up all night worrying when you need your rest to care for your newborn?
Ultimately, I or no-one else can make this decision for you, you must do that yourself. But just don't let him hurt you anymore than you are already hurting.
If there is no trust, what basis is that for any kind of loving relationship?
Good luck, and hope all goes well with the delivery of the baby.
xxx
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A
female
reader, helpjayne  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 you owe it to yourself and your baby to leave him. do you really want you little girl growing up thinking that it's ok to treat women that way. being a single mum will be hard but you'l be much happier on your own if thats the way he treats you. tell him one last time to stop seeing these girls if you find any evidence that he has been leave him. would you really want your girl comming upto you in years to come tellin you some guy is disrespecting her. get the support off family and friends but don't put up with that your pregnant your emotional and your self concious right now i'm thinking and he's off playing with 19 yr olds anyone is better off alone than being with someone like that.
i hope it works out for you
i'm sure your worth way more than some stupid guy
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