A
female
age
41-50,
*oveyDoveyBear
writes:I'm 31 I moved out of my parents house for a little over a year to live with my ex bf. He cheated on me we broke up and I met my current bf, my lease was up so I decided to move back home. My mom has never stopped treating me the same way when I was 15yrs old, if I stayed out a little later my mom would flip out and ask me to come home, if I don't she will blow up my phone, not only with my bf but when I was out with friends too. 15+ yrs of the same crap I'm really tired of this, my bf is 37, my whole family likes him but she won't let me or him stay over at each other's places. I'm afraid this will scare my bf away. Today is Friday and I was at his place, my mom text me If I'm coming home yet, I didn't know what to say we were planning for me to sleep over, last weekend she didn't even call me and acted like nothing happened when I stayed at his place, but tonight she started blowing up my phone again and I didn't want to answer because my bf was next to me and my mom would be shouting over the phone. Then she called my bf's phone leaving a vm to ask me to call her and in the past with exes she has called to yell at them. Things that don't make sense is that they were ok with me moving out with my ex and in the past both of my brothers had a few exes that lived with us. I'm tired of my mom creating drama, I don't even have energy to argue with her anymore, but why do I have to go through this I'm 31. She keeps talking about getting married and if I let him sleep me with so soon he won't marry me,we've been together 2 mo. Everything that I do will lead her to yell or lecture me and then all of a sudden the argument leads to my bf won't want to marry me. I'm stressed from my work, it's finally the wknd I was so happy to spend time with my bf and then my mom just ruins the mood. Earlier tonight my bf told me to explain we were watching a movie so I couldn't hear the phone, I did and my mom said why didn't u watch it earlier, and then she said just stop watching it and come home. If she keeps doing this every time I'm with my bf I feel somehow it's going to get ruined over time. Please give me some advice, my mom is making me go insane. If I try to reason with my mom she will continue to argue with me and if I just don't say anything she can still continue for hrs lecturing or yelling at me, if I go with what she says she will be a little satisfied but her mouth will keep running until she feels like she won.
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female
reader, jls022  +, writes (7 December 2014):
Your only option is to move out and save money at a slower pace. I am 29 and am back living at home at the moment too as my new house is still being built, but I appreciate the fact my parents are doing me a favour and respect the fact they want me to check in with them regularly, that they don't like my boyfriend staying over and that they ask that I don't treat their house like a hotel.
My parents, like your Mum, are who they are and we won't ever change them. Also, since we are living under their roof it's only fair that we respect their house rules. Why are you making such a big deal of it? You honestly sound like a teenager rather than an adult woman! What is/was your plan to get your own place again? How long did you envisage staying at home?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2014): Real simple. It's not rocket science. MOVE OUT. You are a grown woman. You shouldn't be living with your mom, you should have your own place. I mean c'mon I'm sure you've heard this before. What's preventing you from having your own place? Don't wait for a boyfriend to do it. Just do it for you. If money is an issue, get some roommates. Your mom might be frustrated and secretly want that but doesn't have the heart to tell you. I don't know. She probably feels you are a little too comfortable living there. She sees you find the time to date but not the time to do something way more worthwhile such as get on your own two feet and become independent. When you have your own place you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. Your mom's not going to change. So what's stopping you?I want you to watch Bridget Jones's Diary (both movies) to draw inspiration for yourself. She is about your age, she works, she's single, often clueless, but she has her own place. And she does as she pleases. And having that kind of freedom is priceless. That's where you need to be. Start shopping for an apartment for yourself. Maybe your mom will be more apt to help you with that than to help you be available for a boyfriend while living under her roof.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 December 2014):
 Honeypie has this one nailed"
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A
female
reader, LoveyDoveyBear +, writes (6 December 2014):
LoveyDoveyBear is verified as being by the original poster of the question The reason I moved back is to try to save money, even I lived on my own my mom still tried to control me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2014):
 It's kind of what can happen when ADULTS move back home. Your mom might think you aren't CAPABLE of taking care of yourself (since you need to move home at 31) which might BE why she is treating you like a teenager, not an adult.
MY advice? Get your life on track and move out. Take care of yourself and she will have NO say in what you do or where you spend the week-end.
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