A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my guy for 5 years. At first it was rather bumpy between he and I but as far as his grown daughters (ages 28, 29 and 30 married with multiple children of their own and all three have previous as well as children with their current spouses)and I we got along really well . . . Then almost 3 years into it his youngest and her family moved really close to us and there was a lot of drinking at their place. I tried to tell them both that their dad couldn't be doing it but was just brushed off with "he has drank our whole life". I didn't partake in the parties and basically was coming to the point of ending it although I had not made that known yet. It finally came to the point that my fiance' had a mental break and did something real bad. Real bad to the extent that there was media coverage, etc. I had nothing to do with what he did, he made that very clear to everyone I wasn't even around when it happened. We ended up losing where we lived immediately and he was in jail the same night as well and remained for 22 months. I was left on my own to deal with moving etc., with absolutely no help or offer of assistance from any of his kids. I was okay with that for the most part and due to my own feelings of being as we were still together when it happened I chose to be there for him thru it. Long story short he was in county jail and local for 7 months and 2 of his daughters made it to see him 2 times. The oldest lives further away so it was understandable she didn't make it. He got 1 letter from each while he was I county and I was the only one that showed up for all the hearings it was very scarey at first due to it looked like he would be possibly facing 15 + years we didn't know realistically until 5 months later he got 22 months. I did my best to keep all 3 informed about what was going on per his and their requests. I would even text on occasion telling them their dad said he loved them. I did that on my own just to keep them feeling included.The first trauma re: his kids and I came a month or so into it when out of nowhere his youngest went off on me because she was not getting answers she felt she wanted and she called and accused me of horrible things that were so untrue. I was crushed. It was she whom I babysat for many times but I remained keeping her posted like I did the others. I kept the communication to texts just to have it in print so there was no accusations or questions by the time my fiance got out I had 3 phones full of incoming and outgoing texts. About 6 months prior to him being released his middle daughterwhom I had given money to just a few short months before and was led to believe I was liked by started leaving me abusive messages accusing me of not doing enuf in finding a home her dad could be released to. I became homeless the day he went to jail all I had done the whole time he was in was try to move belongings without a car pretty much due to retaliation on me a few days after and my windows were beat out of my car with a baseball bat, find places to stay, try to work with the courts to see he got helpwhile he was locked up, puting money on phone and daily letters to him (t this point while he was in prison a total of 1 letter from 1, and 2or 3 from the other 2). She cycled horribly for hours. I offered to let her take over and I would step out, that wasn't acceptable, etc, I just kept on doing what I could. Finaly I got him out to a halfway house. He did not want everyone knowing when he would be geting out just me. Maybe I shouldn't have but the day he was released even though there at this point had been some really really bad attacks I did send a text saying that he had been released he was ok and would be contacting them in a few days. I was trying to be respectful to them by doing this and trying to keep them informed. Boy howdy that turned out to be the bigest nightmare 5 hours later his middle texts to no avail carying on about how he should be contacting her right then I just tried as nicely as I could to make her understand he just needed a little time to adjust. It ended up in me being bashed and abused until 2am by her then at 4am she had her mom his ex (they split when the girls were very young) texting me demanding that he call her and she wasn't gonna take no for an answer. I showed him the texts tried to gt him to call but he wouldn't and I didn't push too hard because I wanted him to get a fair start. He came out 1000000x better than when he went in. Our relationship has been incredibly great. The only thing that bugs me is he chose not to deal with his kids. Finally 19 days of non stop from girls and ex I had to change my number. He told me to do it right away but I really thought , they love him so surely they would accept th fact that he was trying to get better ...... now all I get is slamed over social media by all 4 of them called and accused horrible things and he has decided enough is enough. He is done. I need some insight here please. Please I don't need mean remarks. This is hard to do putting dirty laundry public. Please understand. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, this is the person who posted this question. I want to thank you for your input. It helps me so much. It has been hard deaing with this and being accused. I definately will follow your advice. Thank you very much.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (7 December 2014):
Yes, previous poster has got it right. Block the 4 of them, and I hope your boyfriend realises what a gem he has for a girlfriend. Not many women would have stuck by him. Best wishes to you
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 December 2014):
 That sounds like a WHOLE lot of drama that your BF put you in the middle off. And then he just backed off letting YOU getting the abuse from HIS kids.
My advice - BLOCK them, delete them, remove them from your Facebook/social website. There is no point in taking all this abuse from them JUST because you date their father. If he doesn't want to DEAL with them, WHY should you? They don't deserve your respect. STAND up for yourself. IF someone gets ABUSIVE in text or over the phone, TURN your phone OFF! You don't have to sit and take their CRAP for 2 hours!
Let him decide how HE wants to handle these young women. IF he chooses NOT to deal with them, then THAT is HIS choice. I get that it's upsetting that he didn't tell them off for treating you like crap, but my guess is, he thinks it's too late to try and teach his "kids" to be decent folks. They are after all ADULTS.
These 3(4 if we count the ex wife) adult women don't CARE about you or your feelings. ACCEPT that and then cut them out of your life. WHY let them make YOUR life harder than it already is?
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