A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys...I just want to know something...Does it make me a freak to be almost 17 and not had my first kiss yet? The fact doesn't really effect me, but my friends like to make a big deal out of it so it makes me feel like I'm a freak. They all like to make a point of how many guys they've dated and done 'it' with and it makes me feel insecure. I know I'm the only ugly girl in my group and the chances of me ever receiving any male attention is like 1 in a million. I don't think it'll ever happen and when I tell my friends this, they just tell me that I'm not ugly and it'll happen but I genuinely don't believe them. It's not enough for your friends to think that it'll happen if you don't feel confident in yourself...So, is it weird that I feel this way or am I just another stupid insecure girl?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2014): Oh girl, don't even worry about that! If it makes you feel any better just lie and tell them you kissed some guy on a vacation or whatever, just to get them off your case. You're only 17, this is honestly the least of your worries, things can get much harder later on once you're married, so don't stress over this.
And don't call yourself ugly!!! That breaks my heart to hear that. I was shy in high school and not even thinking about boys that much, and didn't go after anyone...but now I'm older and I'm attractive and very confident...you are beautiful, it just takes time to figure out your 'look'...what hairstyle, clothes, make-up etc suite you...not that you aren't without those but I just started figuring that out in my late 20s.
A
female
reader, txngal  +, writes (7 December 2014):
I didn't get my first kiss until I was 20. Don't fret.
You need some self confidence. When you feel good about yourself, people of the opposite sex will notice you more. When you don't feel confident, sometimes it's like you are invisible. You need to work on you first before you are ready for a romantic relationship. That said- you are YOUNG. You have your life ahead of you. It will happen. It's hard not to worry about it, but it will happen.
I say all that because I've been in your shoes.
And don't worry about other people's love lives. I find it gross and disrespectful when people share their experiences. It's like a cry for attention.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 December 2014):
When I was your age (which is almost 10 years ago now) I had the same fears about kissing and sex. A lot of my classmates were bragging about their experience, making me feel insecure. Thing is, most of them were lying, trying to fit in just like you. I found out when, during one of those colorful conversations, I got tired of it all and admitted I was a virgin. Everybody went quiet. Then a few hands starting shooting up, because apparently I wasn't the only one, not by a long shot.
For teenagers, milestones like kissing and sex is like jumping off a cliff. So people try to boost their social status by claiming to make the jump early. Also, what people tend to forget is that once they pass these milestones, their pre-existing issues about them don't magically disappear.
I was a very insecure, self loathing teenager. I got my first kiss what I consider to be early, at 14. It was at a birthday party and this drunken guy completely surprised me, and I just went with it. If he hadn't been the one to risk it, it would have been a lot later for me. Also, having that first kiss didn't make me any less insecure about myself.
Same goes for first time sex. I had sex for the first time at 22. That probably sounds ancient to you. Well, at the time it sounded ancient to me too. I thought I was the only 22 year-old virgin in the world. Only losers are virgins at that age, I thought. Funnily enough I found out quite a few people in my social circle were holding onto their V-card. Not because of religion or some principle, but simply because they were insecure or just hadn't met someone they felt comfortable enough with yet. And they weren't ugly or unaccomplished either; one of them was a undergrad student with a modeling career on the side.
Society puts a lot of pressure on us to do stuff at a certain age. Conforming to it is basically herd behavior, so why do it? Everybody lives their lives at their own pace. Also, everyone has had to practice. People who get impatient with you for it or make fun of you for not having a lot of experience are shortsighted assholes.
Learn to accept yourself first and everything else will come.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2014): I know it's easy to say but hard to do sometimes, but just be you. You said tge fact you haven't kissed anyone yet doesn't have that much of an effect on you-that's cool and the way to be! I didn't have my first kiss til I was 17 and it didn't bother me either and was worth the wait :) Don't worry about what your friends are saying. Lots of people exaggerate about their own experience because they themselves feel insecure. I'm sure you're not ugly. Don't be down on yourself. Just continue to be you, enjoy life, don't worry about the kiss and it'll happen when you least expect it :) And if your friends continue to make a big deal out of it, maybe they're not such great friends after all?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 December 2014):
 I can tell exactly what the issue here with you is.
Given by what you just typed about yourself on here (stupid, ugly, insecure, not a single chance you'd ever get male attention), you're throwing off a bad vibe.
Your friends already say you're not ugly, but if you think these things of you constantly, you're going to give off a psychic stench that will show up on your body language, approachability, eye contact, constant self-deprecation, needing validation and rejecting it when it comes...you're not with a guy because you've created a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Are you warm and approachable? Do you make eye contact? Other people respond to approachability and warmth. We'll get to confidence and positive self-affirmation but not if you don't consider the vibe you're throwing off.
And let's think about why you don't believe your friends? Why don't you, by the way? They say it'll happen and that you're not ugly. Who is telling you that you are??
You're 16 years old. Ever hear the term "Sweet 16 - never been kissed"? Your friends' bragging is like guys' locker room bragging. Who cares who everyone else is having sex with? When you meet someone, you'll either be interested in him and interested in a human connection, or you'll self-sabotage any meetings.
Approachable people are magnetic. The psychic smell is like bread baking. That is something you CAN change.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (6 December 2014):
 You are not weird, and you are not stupid. You are perfectly normal. Honestly!
I would say probably the majority of people have not had a boyfriend/girlfriend, kissed or had sex at 17.
It is also not uncommon for people your age to tell a few white lies about this to boost their ego and street cred amongst their peers to appear more "experienced" and grown up than they really are.
So I would take their bragging about high numbers with a massive pinch of salt. - if they are telling the truth and by 17 years old have already slept with a number of men, it probably wasn't because the men cared or wanted a relationship, rather than they just wanted to use them for sex. Which isn't very nice is it?
The fact your friends make fun of you like this suggests they have no thoughts for your feelings, because it is NOT a big deal. I was like you once, and older too. I thought I would end up being the old cat lady - a virgin till death. That I would end up alone. Buy guess what, it just happened when it was ready, not when I was trying to force it!
You are still very very very young. Boys your age are idiots, and are not really looking for relationships. Their brains are mainly concerned with sex, and the person they do it with doesn't really figure into that. Its just an act of release rather than love and romance, which is what most girls want.
You have another 60+ years of time to kiss, and have relationships. Don't panic!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2014): You are absolutely not a freak. I didn't kiss anyone til I was nearly 19 and didn't do it til I was nearly 20. I was the ugly girl in our group at school but once I was out of school I blossomed. Sometimes high school just isn't a good time for some people. Don't stress. It's all good.
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