A
female
age
41-50,
*ustWant2bLoved31
writes:Please help me... I am 31. I have 2 older children, and was married to their dad for 10 yrs. Ok this is where it gets complicated... I always wondered why I seemed as a 9, 10, 11, 12 and 13yr old that I had thoughts about other girls, I even went as far as to fantasize and even experimented with a few around age 12! My thoughts seemed wrong and back then having those feelings would outcast you in a heartbeat (even your best friends). So around the end of my 13th year I thought I NEEDED to justify to myself that I liked men...so for about 3 yrs I slept with boys! I hated it, I never once truly enjoyed any part of it but I knew only one lesbian and everyone talked as if she was a demon, so there was no way I was going to say anything. At age 16 I had another experience with a woman, I fell in love...she blamed alcohol. Once again I put on a front and right after that I got involved and pregnant with my oldest child's father, still not fully understading me...we got married (huge mistake) I then got pregnant with my 2nd boy. And 10 long years of us being married... me loving my babies and wanting a woman...and him wanting other women ... We finally split! Now 2 yrs later.. I have been with 4 more women and in a horrible relationship for 9 months with one. Okay so after hearing my life in a nut shell, here are my questions: I know what I feel and what I want... but when will all the judging end? I mean other lesbians question me because I have been with men and have children, and some of my friends and family question me and whether I'm just curious.. How do I get people to just realize this is me? Yes I have loved a woman.. well a few, but truly loved one! No I don't see men for anything more then friends or brothers! And yes I want to find my one true love and spend the rest of my life with her! This is me!!! So how do I get others to see and just love me for me? OH and how do I meet other lesbian women? Not like we wear name tags that say "hey I love women" lol So please if anyone can help me that would be wonderful! Thank You
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female
reader, lovexlikewinter7 +, writes (4 March 2011):
I have the same problem. I'm thinking of actually making a nametag. It'll say "hello I'm Jasmine, feel free to lift your skirt." Haha no really. Kind of interested in figuring that out myself. The gay bar scene isn't really my thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Hi there,
I am no expert in sexuality and am straight, however I'd like to help and something jumped out about your post.
It focuses only on telling others to accept something and then 'OH and how do I meet other lesbian women?' is an after thought.
I guess this could seem insignificant bit I feel that it might be worth thinking about and exploring for some reason.
If other lesbians are questioning I'd say they just want to know if you're genuine. Perhaps they have met in-genuine woman a lot or are worried they will.
If you have already had relationships with woman than I would of thought that there is no issue. I assume that when telling others about your life marriages with men stands out the most - but then our culture has not known how to accept gay culture in society until more recently. (Just like our culture has not known how to accept many things).
So for that reason I'm sure others would be quite understanding about your move once you are ready.
Could it be that you are just frightened to move to another level? By that I mean you want the ideal relationship yet you ended up with a non ideal woman. I'd say do not be frightened - just focus on being ready.
Anyway I think Ellen De Generous is a good example of a great person of great integrity, fun and intelligence. She also happens to be gay. And there is an American country singer that is another good example of a fantastic person who happens to be Gay.
I saw her story on Oprah and don't remember her name but she recently came out and struggled with being gay internally for years. Similar to how you are describing.
Could you perhaps think of good role models to inspire you to feel better about who you really are and help you live the right life you want to live. Before you embark on a relationship with anyone. Until you have a clear sense of space and who you are away from the marriages, babies and horrible relationsgips. You will be unlikely to know the right woman when you meet her or how you want your relationship to be. I don't think it's a matter of getting out there on the dating seen. Since the right person just comes into our lives at the right time...when 'we' are ready and prepared. I think part of being prepared and confident about telling others who you are is to know who you are first. If you are actually unsure they will pick up on it. Or if you are scared they will pick up on it and question your direction.
Most people simply don't care about other peoples sexuality they are more concerned with integrity, character honesty and simply if you're a nice person.
So I hope you go ahead with confidence into the life you truly want and I believe people will see that confidence and who you are. What else you do is not their business.
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