A
female
age
41-50,
*era
writes:I'm about 3 weeks pregnant with my ex-boyfriends baby, we broke up in january after a very brief relationship, (although, having a physical one since last summer) because he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend from 2 years ago. About a week after my getting pregnant, and before I had informed him of it, he decides to end any further physical relationship with me in hopes of getting back with his ex. At which time I decided I should tell him about the pregnancy. He told me simply that he didn't truely believe me and that regardless he would not father "my" baby. Now he won't even answer my text messages or his phone when I call, which hasn't been a whole lot. How do I make him let me atleast prove to him that I am pregnant? Talk to me at all? And I feel as if his ex-girlfriend should know also... One of the main reasons he refuses to be a father to this baby is because it doesn't "fit into his plans" with, or of being able to get back with, his ex. I've known him for about a year, and he's always been the type of person that would never do something like this. That impression was made to me by specific example. Why is he doing this? What can I do? And the worst part about it for me is that I never wanted to break up with him in the first place and am head over heels in love with this guy!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): I'm in the same boat you are in but i have been with this guy for almost 3 years now and last week when i found out i was pregnant he was happy now he want's me get rid of my baby and i'm not willing to do that. of course it's going to be hard but i'm sure you have family and friends that will support you in this. This morning he gave me a choice that if i get rid of the baby he would stay and if i don't i should say bye and you know what i did i said bye. And he is also the tpye you would think would take responsiblity go figure you think you know someone. Well i choose to have this baby God as a purpose for everything that happens in your life.All i can do now is wait and see what HE has in store for me and my baby.It's going to be hard but if hid not interested in the babies life now then he would never be and that is hard to face but keep you head up and keep healthy for the little wonder that you have growing in you.
A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (9 May 2007):
Listen, this guy has told you he wants to be with his ex or who ever flavour is at the moment. You have a child growing inside you and that love, time and committment will last a life time with him/her. He is still responsible to pay child support and you are going to need it. Stop focusing on who or what he is going with and think about what is growing in you. You can be the best you can be, you don't need to be head over heals or whatever, just make sure that child is cared for, never has any bad comments about its father made in front of it, and spend every moment with him/her. There is a song by a British band called Oasis that sang 'Wonderwall'. I am single Mum too and believe me him being with someone else gives you a good sign he isn't exactly going to be there for you. Be a strong Mum. I never felt I ever succeeded with relationships, money or a job but I know that my daughter is going to be something I love, protect, value and will be happy at her own success. I will always be by her side, not some man who was her Dad that I thought was the one to protect, help, look after...as for proving you are pregnant. Go to your family doctor, get a blood test and make sure a copy is sent to his home. Then let the authorities know, they are pretty hot off the mark on letting men know their responsibilities. Accept that he isn't acting correctly as you see it and it doesn't matter if his girlfriend, the man down the street in the post office or the nosy neighbour knows, who cares? This is your child, he has a financially responsibility even if he wants no part of his child (remember that is his punishment for life not to see his son/daughter. Get yourself booked into clinics, parenting centres, places where you can continue to study, but if he wants nothing of it, then the money is your only connection but you will have to try 10 times more and be able to answer difficult questions, there is SO much out there for you. Use it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): You can't make him acknowledge that its his baby. True, IF you decide to go through with the pregnancy, he SHOULD pay child support and have a hand in its upbringing. BUT this is going to be very, very iffy.
You may have to be prepared to spend the next 20 years paying for ALL the expenses for the baby's clothes, medical costs, schooling, college, on and on. Oh and be prepared to have your social life, your career too, be sharply curtailed. THINK about it: are you REALLY prepared to go through all that for an unplanned baby?
You could give the baby up for adoption when its born, if you are against abortion, no, no need for abortion, but no shame in giving him/her up for adoption if you are not prepared or not willing (again, no blame or shame to you for that: you have to do what is best for the child and yourself - only you know how you are situated, emotionally and financially to bring up a baby with no husband. More difficult than you can even begin to imagine right now.)
I suppose you could get him to take a paternity test. However, face reality: whether you wanted to break up with him or not, it has happened, and after a very brief relationship where there was no commitment on his part. So, forget about being head over heels in love with him - why are you, anyway, apart from being pregnant, considering that he wants nothing to do with you. Once again, you can not force him to love you! Focus instead on the future and what you're going to do.
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