A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need to know other peoples opinion about my current relationship.I am 28 year old female and dating a 66 year old male. Nobody in my family knows about it because I am quite sure they are not going to approve. I really love this man and someday want to marry him...he is good to me.Do you think the age difference is too great?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, briddle0608 +, writes (8 February 2013):
Hello, I'm 25 years old been see a 66 year old for 2 years now.. I love and care for him very much hes good to me.. and my family don't approve but they know that we care for each other. His daughter knows about us. She thinks I'm with him for his money and I'm not I love this man very much.. I have children of my own...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): Yes, I think the age difference is too big if you're thinking of marriage and family down the road (I was in a 20-year age-difference marriage; it was great at first, but after 10 years the gap widened, and just got bigger).No disrespect, but you might want to talk to a psychologist to see why you are attracted to much older men-- just to rule out any "grandfather" attraction or unrequited daughter/father business. If you're serious about getting serious with him, you can't go wrong to seek out some professional advice now. I wish I had done this when I was in my early-20s and eyeing the 60-somethings! On the other hand, if you can enjoy a mature friendship-with-benefits together (and he feels he can let you go when you want to move on to someone your own age), I say why not do it. Just don't do the marriage-and-kids shtick, for both your sakes and for the sake of your kids (who will grow up without a father).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): to the last male poster. age is not a problem, you are 49 she is 22. but the realtionship becomes a problem when one person is married. if a relationship is borne of out betrayal and heartache and then a "game" is played to see who has been starring then well, what more can isay. life and betrayal is not a game. if you hurt people getting the babe, that speaks volumes of you. yes, the 22 year old makes you feel good, she is a trophy in front of your older friends, and you feel like a stud, but there is so much more to life than showing people up. maybe you need to grow up a bit and yes you notched up the pretty young girlfriend, but there is more to life than playing a game. your 22 year old will grow up one day. so maybe instead od games, just thank god that you are blessed to be in a steadyfast relationship??? yes, it is very flattering to have the young woman on your arm but is she for show, or is she a real person in your life? something to think about going forward.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): HiI am a 49 year old man and my girlfriend is 22. We have been together for about 2 years now. Her family went nuts when they heard about me and how old I am.Her parents threaten to throw her out if she continue seeing me. I was apparently an embarrassment to the family. my girlfriend stood her ground and told her parents that we are in love and nothing is going to keep us apart. Well, after much ups and downs, arguments and resentments, they eventually came around and stopped bothering us. Things are much better now and i try to be the lessor god with this family. my family however are oky koky with the 2 of us. Hang in there girl...it will get better. The gossiping,the stories and most of all..the starring in the shopping malls will never end. I just shrug it off and say..Hey these younger guys envy me with this pretty young girlfriend, and believe me, we have turned all that negative energy into something positive - a game - when we go out then we count how many times we were stared at for the day.So don't beat yourself up over the age thing. If you love each other then you have nothing to worry about. Just look at other couple's that are in the same age group with each other - the argue and bicker and fight - you have someone older than you - he has been there, done that...and you can only learn from each other as time goes by.Be strong and steadfast. You are in your prayers.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): what we, your friends or your parents think is not the critical point - we are not in the relationship you are. look at the problems of the age gap from your perspective (health, old age, other people's opinions etc) look at the positives from your pespective (joy) and YOU decide. Live your life.
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female
reader, matty67  +, writes (7 August 2009):
hi well am in a similar situation am 39 my boyfreind 29 i love him 2 bits we get on so well an he gets on well with my we girl . but he hasint told his mam bout me my family know about him an dont interfere in my life .am like you i dont know what 2 do :)
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male
reader, rom +, writes (7 August 2009):
Just another one to consider, I watched the film chaplin last night and did you know that Charlie Chaplin the actor from the silent screen days married an 18 year old when he was in his 60s and he died when he was 86.They had 8 children together and were very happy together.His wife oona died 14 years after him and she mourned him all those 14 years as she found the man she loved.And what is to say he will become ill? what if you do and he nurses you? its all speculation. live for today not what might be years away from now be happy for today.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): Hi there, OP. The anon female who answered your questions in a hurtful manner, has had her postings removed. It's ok to voice an opinion here, folks..but these types of answers are not helpful, and one does not have the right to be disrespectful, to cause hurt, with such answers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the female who viciously responded....are you jealous because you don't have an older man!!???
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): Some of the Aunts below bring up so many good valid points and I must say, I concur. Listen, you are both legal adults....so no one here can tell you that you are being silly or that this age gap relationship is wrong.
You do say that your relationship with this older man is a very happy, caring relationship. How awesome for you both and congratulations on finding someone special. I would just like to point out some obstacles that some age gap relationships must consider..and you and he must discuss these things, clearly with each other. Some of these obstacles may already have been discussed and resolved by both of you.
1) Health. In your case, poster...it should be realized, that when a 28 year old and a 66 year old, get involved... the age gap, does physically grows wider with each passing year. So..no matter how healthy he is now, he may get into some serious health/energy issues that you, the younger partner could find troublesome to deal with, at your own stage in life. I am not saying he is old and frail..but look down the road...progressing age can bring different aging problems with it. When you grow old together, being close to the same age at each stage, can be somewhat easier to manage, emotionally. So no matter what, are you up for it..if your boyfriend was to fall ill in 10-15 years and you had to care for him, night and day?
2) Children. Do you want children, someday? Would he be prepared to be a father at this stage in his life? His life expectancy may not match a child's growing-up years. Is that fair to the child? And a lot of older guys do question their level of patience to raise a child and cannot see themselves as being able to cross the generation gap with their partner, when it comes to proper parenting.
3) Energy. You may find that, as he ages, he could get to the point where he no longer have the desire to participate in doing activities that you like to do. (eg: dancing, concerts, physical sports/activities) You and he may do things together now that could change for you, in 15 years time, where you at 43, (he'll be 81) will still be young and active enough to want to do those things, still.
It is a good thing to really sit and talk about the possible future issues and obstacles. Mainly health and children issues. Best to discuss all this before you commit to each other, fully. If this is not a worry to you, then go ahead and have a happy joyful life with the man you love. Good luck and I wish you both happiness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo it seems that most of you are in agreement that the man I love is too old for me. I still want to go forward with this relationship. The thing that bothers me the most is my parents reaction and his children.I don't appreciate the comments made that I may be in this relationship for money. Why is it that the young female has to be a gold digger if she is with an older man. That is not always true.
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male
reader, rom +, writes (5 August 2009):
Hi Just that you know I am myself in a relationship with a woman who is 18 years old and I am 45. And we have had nothing but hassle over it, we are both in love with each other and know what we are doing is right for us!Your situation is slightly different in the age gap being even greater and that at 66 this man could be slowing down. However not all men start the down hill slope in their sixties in fact i know a guy just turned 70 and he looks like he is in his early 50s. Someone else also mentioned a valuable point about age and I know its not a nice thing to think about but if he was in his 30s he could be killed in an accident and so could you! so in other words live life for today not for what could happen 20 years from now and if you did have 20 years of married bliss together that is more than some will get who are same age because they married second best!!! you could leave this guy who you love and meet someone nearer your own age and always regret what you let go and what could of been and that will eventually tear you up. Follow your heart and do whats best for you. and good luck.
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female
reader, jujubelover +, writes (5 August 2009):
 If you love each other and make each other happy, I say go for it. There will always be cynics that can't believe that a young girl or guy could “really” be inlove with an older person. You do need to be realistic and realize that your time together might be limited. Yes, your spouse might die when your children are young, but you could also die unexpectedly too. So prepare yourself for that. At least you will have some memorable years together. When you find true love; age (should be legal) should not be an issue. Have a joyful, exciting, and amazing life!
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
-- Mahatma Gandhi
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): no age is only a number.but do remember the odds are he will die before you,in old age,unless something tragic happens.what will you do then?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): Well, he is old enough to be your grandfather. Women typically outlive men by 20 years....are you willing to be a widow sooner than later...are you in this for love or money?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): This man will be 78 when you are 40. Is that something you are prepared for? You will be in the prime of your life and he will be barely mobile and possibly unable to care for himself, assuming he is still alive by then.
My grandfather is 78. In his younger days he was an incredible man. Now he has early-stage Alzheimer's and can no longer remember his family or basic skills, such as using a toilet. He defecates on the floor. This is no fault of his, don't get me wrong. But those people who say age is just a number are forgetting what age does to a person. I cannot see any 40-year-old woman having a meaningful relationship with my grandfather, for example. Some people age more gracefully than others, but no matter how well your partner ages you will be caring for him on a day-to-day basis when you are still young and strong.
I'm not saying this to be mean. I want to be sure it is something you have considered. You may love him now but you are setting yourself up to be miserable in the long run. I have dated someone 20 years older than myself before and I'd consider myself open-minded as to age differences, but I think in your case the gap may be too great. Please think carefully before committing to this man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I do want to have kids by this man, I don't know if it is possible but I want to. I have always loved older men and it has nothing to do with his wallet. We love each other.
He does make good money but so do I.
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male
reader, DLover  +, writes (4 August 2009):
The difference is too great... he stoped working, you start working... by the time you want kids, he will no longer be able to give them to you. And there is worse: even if you did have some kids with him he would be too old to take night shifts or hard things like that about babies.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): what on earth are you doing with a man old enough to be your grandfather? your 28 ! i know what he is doin with you, but are you with him for money?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): He's at a retirement age and you're still young and having fun. I think the age difference is too much, especially if you're thinking of having children and he isn't.
He won't be able to chase after them and do normal activites with the kids because of his age - I know not all 66 year olds are that unfit and may face health problems but more than likely he will be by the time you come to a decision of having children, that is if you do want children with him. I also don't want to be morbid or anything but when he passes on, you will in your 50s at most. Not ideal if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.
You want to marry him so obviously this isn't a short term thing, so keep all these things in mind that you may face in the future. Really it's down to whether you think he is too old for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): I have to be totally frank here but any woman at your age could never be sexually attracted to a man of 66yrs the only attraction I see is his wallet,sorry if this upsets you
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): I'm not rrying to be too cynical - but is he a wealthy man?
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