A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 years old and I work with an older man in his 40s. He sits in the cubicle behind me and another girl. The three of us always chatted and had silly conversations. I'd always greet him in the mornings and speak with him. We'd go out for coffee breaks together and he'd often bring me back something to eat or coffee if he left for lunch. I never thought anything of it. I had always even discussed my future plans with my boyfriend with him and he always offered good advice and always listened intently.A little over a month ago, my boyfriend gave me some variant of the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you speech" after 5 years of telling me we'd be getting married, getting a house and having children. I was devastated. It was in this moment I realized how many friends I truly had - one of them being the older man that I work with.When none of my girlfriends were available, he said he'd be happy to take me to dinner and a movie just to get me out of my apartment (where my now ex was still living because we lived together for a month after the breakup till he found his own place). Whenever I didn't feel like being there, he always took me out. Considering our drastic age difference, I considered him kind of like my "cool uncle" and that's what I told people when they started asking about us. But when we were out together, I noticed any negative or unpleasant feelings I had vanished. I chalked it up to either him being a great friend or some sort or rebound emotions. But the more we hung out, the more and more I noticed how much I genuinely liked him and how much I needed the break up from my ex. For the first time in a very long time, I feel rather alive - thanks to this guy. I have an adventurous spirit that most other folks I know seemed to scoff at (my lofty travel ideas, skydiving, etc) but this actually excites him because now we both have someone to enjoy these things with where we previously did not. I developed some feelings for him but wasn't sure if he was just being kind or not (he's an extremely kind, compassionate and sweet person to everyone so I couldn't tell). When my ex finally moved out, the night still left me feeling a bit lonely and confused. He shows up at my doorstep at 1 in the morning with cheesecake and a smile. The next night, he had helped me do some moving around. When he left, I felt lousy so I sent him a text just to chat. After 10 minutes of being home, he offered to come back to keep me company. The following night, we had went to a local beach at 10pm to star gaze where we laid in the sand, chatted and put on some piano music for a couple of hours. The night after that, we had enjoyed the beach so much that we did it again. When he noticed how cold I was getting, he openly offered to "snuggle" with me to keep me warm. After cuddling up for 4 hours on the beach, he drove me home and held my hand.From there, things just sort of progressed until we landed ourselves in an official relationship. However, the man is probably old enough to be my father. There's something about our age difference that keeps me feeling uncertain. I'm paranoid about how my parents will react to it. Most of my friends, though they think its a little weird, are mostly okay with it. My sister even pushed me to try for it because she thinks older men are much better. How do I tell my parents though? I do have a friend who keeps putting nervous thoughts into my head because she keeps telling me "What 40 year old man wouldn't want to date a hot 25 year old girl? Just be careful because your age and looks are probably a big part of his interest in you" I also still feel a little strange in public. I know it shouldn't matter what others think but I'm not sure how to stop caring about it.I really want to be with this guy. I've never been with someone so kind, caring and adventurous. He's easily the sweetest and most exciting person I've ever met. However, in the back of my head, I still feel a small tinge of uncertainty because of the whole age thing. Is dating someone so much older really a good idea? How do I explain to my parents that my new boyfriend is only a few years younger than they are? Sorry for the excessive length, but the details seemed important :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Hector54 +, writes (13 August 2012):
 I am a 55 year old man dating a 42 year old woman. We are deeply in love and never worry about the age difference. In fact, I raised two sons that are old enough to be her younger brothers and I am only 10 years younger than her father. Love has little to do with age, color, nationality, or anything else that places us withing the narrow constructs of society. If you are mature enough and he is mentally young enough, if he takes care of his body and treats you like the woman you are, if you both have respect for one another and are compatible there should not be a problem. And if your concern is what others will think, then I say forget the rest of the world and just try to be happy with one another. Life is too short to do otherwise. I hope your love will grow together forever.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012): I have been seeing a man 15 years older than me for almost 2 years. I'm 23. My dad is so overprotective.. At first he went mad but now he's fine! We have a family wedding coming up soon, who'd gave thought we'd be at a family thing together! My mum was never a problem. Don't worry too much about them, if they are mad they will calm down when they see how happy u are
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 August 2012):
 As long as you go slow I don't see that the age different will matter much, the only drawback I see... is that you work at the same place. Romance in the work place can end really really awkward if it doesn't pan out.
I'm not sure if what you feel for him is really love or gratitude - because whether you want to admit it or not, you are on the rebound. After a 5 year long relationship and the "older guy" kinda swooped in and did the knight on the white horse thing.
What speaks FOR him though, was that he didn't seem to put any moves on you while you were with your ex BF.
And at some point you will have to tell your parents. You are an adult. This IS your life. Your choice and/or mistakes to make.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (5 August 2012):
 you're getting too far ahead of yourself to be worrying about the implications of your ages. He sounds great, and you're having a fabulous time with him. To leave or doubt because of age would only do a disservice to yourself.You deserve the happiness you have found for yourself, and if it's with this person, then that's where it is. if he were a creep just interested in your age bracket, there would be easier ways to get it (bars, clubs, etc)- but he has proven himself to be there when no one else was and has already shown you some serious dedication. I would ask your friend to be happy for you and if she isn't able to reserve judgment then it's a conversation topic that you two shouldn't engage in. some people project their own discomfort of seeing others so happy and you shouldn't let that get you confused about your own situation, that's her baggage probably. it's possible your parents will be shocked too but if you remind them you're an adult making independent decisions and show them how happy you are with him, i'm sure they'll come around. good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012): My husband is 15 years older than me we got married 9 years ago have a 6 years old kid and very happy. I was the catch of the town at that time, many guy asked me out for a date, soon I realized these guys look so immature for me, So I decided to marry a guy much older than me. I am happy with my decision. If you like him and are happy with him go for it. Don’t worry about what your friends say. Some of my friends were teasing me in a bad way before. Like one them who got married to his boyfriend, same age, few times mention that" my young husband....." while she was talking about him. Other one while we were talking about a guy, same age as my husband, said oh he should marry my mother! And this friend is even 6 years older than me! I didn’t take that personal. Time passed and now all of them wish to have a life and a husband like mine! And consider me as a lucky one. Give it a try, you don’t have to rush to get married, just date him for a while to see where it goes.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (5 August 2012):
 Age does not matter to a relationship, providing there is love. The only problem may be in the long run, but that is if children are involved in the future. The children's father will unlikely be around as long, and he may not be around in your latter years either. Well, that often happens anyway. My thought is that happiness and compatibility trumps all else.
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A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (5 August 2012):
 If I am honest, my only concern is that you guys got into this relationship so soon. The age difference does not bother me because of the unique circumstances. I do not think that the way this man is treating you sounds at all like a sugar-daddy-booty-call situation. He sounds like my dream guy, and I am almost in love with him, the way you described him. I think you too genuinely like each other.
However, I don't think your gut feeling should be ignored. The fact is, in public, people are going to look at you strangely and you have to decide if you can handle that, the same way an interracial couple would have to.
For now, I don't think you have to tell your parents, not until wedding bells start to ring. I would advise you to relax and just enjoy this relationship.
I would also, however, advise a fortnight of separation, so you can think about if you really want this, if you can handle the pressure and if you are ready for a serious relationship so soon after the last one, because if this one ends it will be twice as devastating.
But no, your age difference does not freak me out.
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