A
female
age
36-40,
*rishrachel
writes:I'm 25 and still a virgin I'm so fed up really feel like i'm going to die this way.I don't go out much so I find it really difficult to meet someone.I've chatted online to some guys and some I really like but they seem to be after just one thing.Don't get me wrong i love the idea of sex and I want it more than anything but I want it with love and respect something long term and meaningful.I just want to meet someone special but I am so shy what can I do?so depressed help!
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depressed, shy, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sara12  +, writes (2 September 2012):
I have the same problem- 25 and Virgin. Need someone to be next to me all the time. Understand ur feelings
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 This is going to sound really dorky but did you ever consider trying to boost your self-confidence through public speaking? I mean Toastmasters. Go to a meeting and try it! It may change the way you approach people and can't hurt at work or school either.
Another uncle on here tells people who are shy to talk to EVERYONE they meet, not just attractive young ladies or men. EVERYONE means the lady at the till, the bus driver, the person in the queue behind you, everyone you encounter in a day. Try to learn something about them by asking a few questions. Set a goal to learn 5 things about 5 people per day. If you haven't met the goal, that means you have to get out of the house and walk around until you have.
Become a joiner, no, not a carpenter, I mean go out and join clubs, volunteer for things, get yourself out there.
Also look upon this as a job search. Network, tell your friends and family that you are looking for a boyfriend and what your criteria are. Have them introduce you to people, go out on those blind dates.
I would invest in a confidence building course as well as Toastmasters, something like "Outward Bound" where you challenge yourself in ways that will open your eyes to your potential and free up those mental constraints you've put on yourself.
You're going to have to change your approach and make it a more healthy and productive one. Do you have the resolve and determination to make it happen?
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (21 June 2010):
 You have to get yourself a vibrator. It will help with the frustration and you won't feel as pressured. That is, of course, if you don't think masturbation is immoral.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): Try not to get too discouraged. The fact that most guys seem to be after only sex is not really representative.
Guys who are just after sex will hit on way more women than guys who are choosier. So it SEEMS like that's how almost all guys are. But that is not really the situation.
And even guys who are after a relationship may start out giving at least a little push for easy sex. If you wanna know whether a girl is the casual sex or relationship type then you have to push at her boundaries a little and see where she stops you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): the fact you're posting implies you're also concerned that when you meet the right guy you'll be embaressed about being a virgin - if he's the right guy he'll understand but i get that you may be worried about it. I'm going to say something that probably won't go down well on here but sex is just sex - its better in a relationship but the first few times will hurt (unless of course you're acquainted with sex toys) If you're worried about it - just do it. If it's on your terms and you're doing it because you want to then what morals are involved? I understand if you have religious convictions that prevent sex before marriage - but it seems to me you want every girl's fairytale beginning to a sexual relationship and the thing is that the fairytale is only achieved by a very small number of women. The real question is will you regret having it with someone you don't have strong feelings for more than you'll regret not losing it at the age you are now? I can't answer that one but it seems to me if you've gone this far you may as well keep waiting for the right man :) At least we have batteries in the meantime ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): Hold out baby! My GF, who I intend ot marry, was a virgin till 30. She even worked in a adult bookstore and had lots of boyfriends, but no sex. She had 5 partners in her 30's and did just fine at finding caring guys. You'll find the right guy. Dont comprimise your integrity just to have a relationship that is sex based...unless that's OK with you
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A
male
reader, groovymoving  +, writes (18 June 2010):
If you really don't want to meet someone for sex only, I guess you'll really have to wait until you find your special somebody.
There is one thing you can do to get to know new people without having to go out clubbing or anything among the lines, though. Become a member of some internet forum that connects people with similar interests. Your interests. Be active on the board and you might make some internet friends who you might want to meet in real life later on. And who knows, maybe love will bloom between you two one day.
It is a rather long process, but it's the best I can offer. Maybe someone else comes up with something better...
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