A
female
age
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*ata1l
writes:OK this is a question that I hope all you male readers out there will chime in on, as I need a man's perspective. I am a 54 year old woman, routinely told I look at least 10 years younger. I keep my hair colored, exercise every day, try not to dress in a frumpy manner, etc. and while I am no beauty queen, I am told I'm cute and fun. Well, I have a 30 year old male neighbor. I just moved here in April, but he has been bringing his grandma to the beauty shop I work in for 3 years, and we have been friends. Since I moved into an apartment 5 houses down from where he lives, we have been spending a lot of time together. I had an abcessed tooth, and he got concerned about not having heard from me, and knocked on my door and found me sick as a dog from antibiotics and pain pills. He then went to the store for me and did nice stuff for a few days till I felt better. He has worked on my car several times and will not take payment. He is always kind and respectful. I have caught him looking at my rack a couple of times, but he has never made any move. I enjoy his company a lot. Recently I have started feeling a very powerful attraction to him. I haved been dating men my own age with mixed results, and one guy in particular I went out with last week and will go out with again I seem to have fun with. But I do not feel the attraction I feel for my neighbor.My neighbor and I spend hours together on my off day, and he is always suggesting that he fix something, or hook up my dvd player,etc. He has a gal friend in the next state over but only seems to see her every couple of months. I know there is a big age difference but he is very mature for his age and we get along so well. But how do I know if he is feeling any attracion for me at all? He must enjoy my company for us to spend so much time together. Last week, he hooked up my dvd player, then we talked for 2 hours, then he insisted on taking me to rent a dvd and to the grocery store, then we watched a baseball game together, then he walked me home. I don;t want to get involved with him if he is really attached to the out of state woman and also not if he does not have some kind of feelings for me, as I don't want some cheap physical affair. I also don;t want to blow a beautiful friendship. but these feelings of attraction keep getting stronger to the point where I am going to have to stop spending much time with him because it;s painful. Help please!
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female
reader, kata1l +, writes (24 August 2012):
kata1l is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondoublejack, thanks, my thoughts are along the line of yours. I feel it is always or at least most of the time the man's responsibility to make the first move. Although, I have to tell you, there was a woman in the beauty shop where I work today a couple years older than me, and she told me she has been dating a guy 17 years younger than her for a while and is very happy. (and looks happy).. She has no idea about me and the 3o year old guy, as I did not mention that, just asked her how the younger man thing is working out. I am hearing more and more women dating younger men. Women can be at their peak sexually in their 40 and 50's, and most men peak in their late 20's or early 30's, so maybe not as crazy as it seems. I feel like if you are lucky enough to find someone you are crazy about, maybe you shouldn't question the package it comes in. Hard enough to find someone that floats your boat as it is. I welcome all opinions and will keep you posted.
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (23 August 2012):
I see things like pinktopaz does. This man has taken his grandma to get her hair done for 3 years, which is how you first met him. That shows what kind of caring, selfless person he is. If he sees you in a motherly way, then that could easily explain why he goes above and beyond to help you out.Also, it sounds like he is not inept with women. There is a woman he's in a possible LDR with, and he has an ex who was older. With that in mind, why wouldn't he have made a move or said something by now if he had romantic feelings? Further, he may not see the out of state woman frequently, but if they are in a relationship it is bad all around to try moving in on that.Specific to the age gap, I am 36 and the woman I was married to for almost 10 years is older than I am, by 5 years. I met her when I was 21 (so she was 26), we got married when I was 23 and I filed for divorce at 33. Being with a woman 5 years older is one thing, but a woman that is 24 years older is something else. I do not mean this in an offensive way at all, but I would not consider getting involved with a woman in her 50's.My opinion on this is you have to let him make the first move. If you attempt it yourself, you put the friendship at risk. If he looks at this as an innocent, platonic friendship the odds are you speaking up will make him uncomfortable, and he will distance himself. As pinktopaz said, it happens all the time with younger women and older men. It is very easy to misread friendship as something more.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, kata1l +, writes (23 August 2012):
kata1l is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks folks. Pink Topaz he is a kind and giving person and the thought has crossed my mind that he is just being helpful and polite to an older person, but he dated an older woman in the past for a long time before they broke up. not sure how much older. and so very confused, I have thought about the kids thing. I never have been able to have kids and did not get involved with a guy about 20 years ago because he wanted kids and I think everyone that really wants kids should have them. But we spend LOTS of time together, and every minute is fun or interesting. I don't want to make a fool of myself. Sensitive bloke, I have been taking it a step at a time but the steps are getting harder as my attraction to him builds. Don't want to put him on the spot, though, as he could just be acting kindly towards a senior citizen, haha!
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A
female
reader, kata1l +, writes (23 August 2012):
kata1l is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks folks. Pink Topaz he is a kind and giving person and the thought has crossed my mind that he is just being helpful and polite to an older person, but he dated an older woman in the past for a long time before they broke up. not sure how much older. and so very confused, I have thought about the kids thing. I never have been able to have kids and did not get involved with a guy about 20 years ago because he wanted kids and I think everyone that really wants kids should have them. But we spend LOTS of time together, and every minute is fun or interesting. I don't want to make a fool of myself. Sensitive bloke, I have been taking it a step at a time but the steps are getting harder as my attraction to him builds. Don't want to put him on the spot, though, as he could just be acting kindly towards a senior citizen, haha!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (23 August 2012):
I know you want a man's perspective...but just my own experience with older men. When they're near my father's age (I'm 28 and my dad is 53) I think of them as a father-type figure. So I may go out of my way to help them with things or I talk to them about anything and everything for a long time--I've ended up giving them "mixed" signals or them thinking they have a chance because I'm being so nice to them. But truth is, they're like a dad to me so I treat them like I do my father and sometimes they take it the wrong way.
So, not to bum you out because I know the last thing you want to hear is, "You're old enough to be his mother!" But truth is, you are, and that could be why he wants to do extra things for you and make sure you're okay. Sounds like he's a good guy, but if you're not absolutely sure he's also interested, then I wouldn't suggest bringing anything up because otherwise, you may catch him off guard and make him uncomfortable; thus, ruining the friendship you have.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): It's easy. He likes you.
He wouldn't spend time with you as a friend or work for you for nothing if he didn't fancy you. You have stated your age but you also say you look younger, if so, he could easily find you attractive over his out of state woman. So, enjoy what genetics have kindly given you. If you want him....then take him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 August 2012):
 If you are interested in him you must take the plunge and talk to him about it. It’s a risk but you can’t continue like this. Tell him what you told us… and then let him know that if he’s serious with the girl out of state you respect that and will not bring it up again…
my fiance is all of 39 to my 52.... so don't let the age phase you... what you may be concerned about is different life goals... he may want children... you're pretty much past that stage (I know I am by choice if not necessity) and if he's got his heart set on his own family you probably don't even want to get started.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (22 August 2012):
 Don't let the age gap put you off. There's no reason why you can't be happy in a relationship with a big age gap. Take things a step at a time and see what happens :-)
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