A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi i was looking for advice and found this site, I wrote my whole question out and it got deleted some how. So I have to write again, Basically this girl who is a close family friend came onto me while i was at a Summer BBQ at her house, asked me if i had a Gf i told her no and she asked me why i told her because i havnt met any one i liked she asked me if i liked her i said "yeah your cool" She then told me she should be my gf. explained to ehr i was to old for her she said that that should be her decision and shes not a little kid and knows what she wants. I didnt take her very seriously even at this point untill she took me to her room to show me something it happened to be all the gifts i had given over the years like a care bear she had it on a shelf with some other things in great condition.I told her i was surprised she still had that, the thing was nearly ten years old, she told me she has kept everything i gave her, she asked me if i remebered when i gave it to her i said yeah for your 6 birthday she smiled and seemed impressed that i remembered.After This we talked a bit sugested we could hang out.I began seeing this girl more going to the movies and mall learning mor eabout her though ive known her her entire life i didnt really know much about her. her family is close freinds with my framily nearly a century so we go way back in that perspective.She told me about her father and how she hated him becuse he abused her mom hes an alchoholic and after the divorce she never see him. She feels her father loves his other children with his current gf more then her. I kno her father quite well and so after this i tried to get him to come see her more and he always has an excuse he says Alysha's mother tells lies and makes his own daughter hate him so he doesnt come around, its a cope out.I would take her to the mall and movies and random places in between, we would spend hours making Ipod playlist talking and telling each other jokes. I was thinking eventually she would grow tired of being with an old guy,but the weeks then months went buy and i was starting to grow quite fond of her.I drink alot i guess alot is relative but you ever seen a western movie how mutch they drink like that.Two or three shots in the morning Bacardi or jack maybe some old grandad yes nasty stuff its all horrible. all day im drinking beers and whine coolers, at night its to hennesy and patron grey goose whatever i have stocked. im not a social drinker but ill go to parties just for the drinks if i kno im all out at home.This girl tells me not to drink its bad for me and all that and well she thinks ill turn into her dad so i oblige stop drinking cold turkey. I liked being around her and the way she made me feel better then anything.One day where in her room looking at you tube videos and have a disagreement on a song and i tell her what does she kno about music and she had a smart comment so i started to tickle her under the arms etc she claims shes not ticklish and it wasnt working so i pulled her shirt over her head and tickle her stomach that worked she laughed till she cried.I guess i got a bit excited my self and i was just wearing some thin basket ball pants so of course she saw this bulge and was staring and she was saying wow and asked me how big it was i told ehr i dont kno and said im going home she asked me why and i said cuse she is asking to may questions. I was really embarased i wanted to just dissapear.She asked me why i wont tell her i sad shes gonna get me in toruble and that i was to cute for jail she sad why would i go to jail i told her had to go and she just looked at me and told me that i was cute and she loved me for the first time. we spent the rest of the nigth watching a movie.One day she asked me to take her to the foodstoor, so i do while where there she sees a freind and she grabs my hand and starts to act wierd, Leaning on me and talking strange hard to explan really. Well i get some cotton candy where back at her place stuffing our selves on it. she began to burb called her a pig she burbed louder and more so i poked her stomach she said that hurt and looked real sad so said sorry she said it still hurt so i gave her a kiss on the forehead she said it still hurt so i kissed her stomach she asked for a kiss on her lips so i did she asked if i loved her i said yes.One day i asked her what if her mom found out about us she said her mom wont care and that she likes me. Her mom must kno something cause where always hanging out and she even asked me one day what am i doing to her daughter i said nothing she said well she hasnt been this happy in years and when ever your over no one else exsist. I said i just come over for the cable and basket ball. nearly a year went by i was really liking this girl and things where great she told me the sweetest things all the time like she couldnt live without me and she never thought she could love some one so mutch. she so affectionate and mature she full of life and being around her makes everything better she supports me and encourages me about everything. she finishes my sentences and knows what im thinking. we have alot in common surprisingly. shes amazingly smart like gifted.I kno I have to break up with her but how with out breaking her heart? Im gonna have to see this girl quite often for diffrent reasons i cant have her hating me. Most of the women i meet my age are bitter and untrusting they judge a man long before they get to kno him because a some point some guy broke there heart. This girl still has this youthful innocence and i dont want to be the one to ruin things for her.I attempted to break up with her once i told her i cant be with her and she will find a nice guy her age she got angry and said she doesnt want any guy what we have is not somehting you can find and theres no guy like me. What do i say to day she had tears in her eys and she asked me if i was gonna leave her i told her no she told me to promise so i said i promise.I have a huge problem I think about this girl all the time would mary her if i could. Im to old for this love stuff Its driving me crazy but in a good way. i just want to go back to me my self and my liqour and x box.Im 24 my gf is barely 14 I promised never to leave her, i cant break a promise or her heart do i wait it out till she gets tired of me and hope no one finds out. or just tell her its over even though i love her. any advice And if you cant say anyhting nice or helpful dont comment i kno all the bad things people wll have to say about this.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 July 2011):
 I can see that you two connect, whether it's because she's more on your level or you are on hers, either way it's a moot point. You think girls your age are bitter and irritating, wait till you meet the guys on Cell Block B.
A
male
reader, mostnoble7777 +, writes (11 July 2011):
Leave the little girl alone, you knew the answer to you own question Your gonna end up in jail if you don't leave that child alone... Go ask the police or child services or get professional advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): OKay first of all the fact that she kept all her CHILDHOOD GIFTS from you in mint condition, must be a hint of how much of a child she is! WESTERN FILMS AREN'T REAL -THEY'RE DRINKING WATER! you are an alcoholic . JUST COs her mum likes you does NOT NOT and i repeat NOT in ANY WAY, AT ALL mean that she would be comfortable having you around if she knew that you and your daughter had feelings for eachother! and dude, seriously if you don't break up with her now, it'll only be harder on both you and her if you keep the relationship going on longer, and then dump her. Someone's going to dump her in the future anyways.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): I keep reading age aint nothing but a number ..You wanna know what else is nothing but a number? A prison sentence and a prison number to go with that prison sentence..Wake up what your doing is wrong..You kissed her on her stomach? WTF that is some straight how to catch a pedophile shit right there.. You have issues man..and I'm not questioning her feelings for you or judging her..Your the adult it is your responsiblity..you need to end it..And stop using the excuse that you dont want to break her heart..Thats life ppl get their hearts broken..She'll get over it. Trust me I know that for a fact.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): age is only a number do remember that.you cant help who you fall for.you are not a 'weirdo' or 'wrong' in any way.dont break up with her,as babygurll said what you both have is special and as we both said,once again,age is only a number.
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A
female
reader, a spades a spade  +, writes (15 August 2009):
this girl is 14!! seriously?!?!? think back to when you were 14 and tell me if you seriously think she is an adult and capable of making these decisions for herself!
step back, regardless of whether it hurts her. you are inches from breaking the law (if you haven't already!)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Im the original poster for this i dont remeber what to do with the code they gave me, thanks for the advice,
Rifraf why would i go to the police Im a virign and have not slept with her if thats what your implying. I asked the question because i dont mind bucking the system but firgured i would go with public opinion on this one.
Klara i drink because i like to i never said i get drunk theres a difference my toleranc is way up been consuming alcohol hard since i was twelve and oly had two hangovers that wasnt even untill i was in my 20s but i agree with your advice and you give me another perspective.
Just me i dont get drunk and as for finding a woman my age they all seem bitter and irritating.Your advice is solid though.
Babygurll thank you i didnt consider making her not like me if she breaks up with me i dont have to break her heart.
thanks all
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A
female
reader, Asian! +, writes (15 August 2009):
Wow. Well I think I can help. When I was 13 I was completely in love or I thought I was with a guy that was almost 20, I told him and he said he liked me and we messed around a little and hung out all the time. But I knew we couldn't be 'together'. Before he moved to Texas for college he told me everything had to stop, I was crushed. But honestly now I'm over it now. It took me like 3 months to get over him but now I'm with an amazing guy. Just tell you you guys can't be together right now and maybe when she's older if she still feels the same you can be together just not now. It may break her heart but not as badly as it would if you went to jail. And I would like to suggest you don't start drinking again I mean drink when you go out with people just don't drink when your home alone, I mean honestly I did that for a year and a half and its not fun so just don't. Hope this helped somehow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Why don't you talk to her mom, she might be able to help. As for the age difference, if you want to be together be together, just make sure you aren't having sex, I'd say just stick to kissing. She's young but she's old enough to date, if her mom is fine with it why not. Just be a mature male about it and try not to do something stupid.
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A
female
reader, justme..x +, writes (15 August 2009):
 Hello :)
I can't really speak from experience here, but I will give my opinion and some suggestions ... hope this helps!
You're worried about hurting her. But frankly, I think it would hurt her a lot more if you carried on being together, but got found out and you were arrested. Or, I think it would hurt her a lot more if you became violent or agressive while drunk. Or, I think it would hurt her a lot more if you met some perfect 24 year old woman and fell in love, and chose that time to leave her.
So, to summarise, I think leaving her - let her down gently of course - would be kindest and definately most sensible.
Alternatively, there is also this option if you really really love each other(and because I'm sure you probably didn't want to hear first point I made), you can break up with her, but leave her a promise. All it would be is postponing your relationship until it becomes legal. Then, when she becomes an adult, you can have all the things together you ever wanted.
Either way, you need to get out of this now. Because, I'm sorry to say ... it's illegal. And it's illegal for a reason.
Lots of luck xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Eh, I sympathize. Being on the other side of the fence, a 15-year-old who's totally crushing on this handsome dude about 10 years older than me, I can kind of speak from your girlfriend's perspective.
What she needs to realize is that, when choosing a long-term partner, there is a very big reason most people don't recognize not to settle down so early. It's that, as you age, naturally you meet more and more people. Therefore...
This girl is so in love with you because you're, in her eyes, the BEST match she has met up until this point. Probably not the best she will ever meet, or the best she'll meet till she's 25 or 30. But, since she had an abusive dad (like I did) even the most simple of nice gestures from you will seem angelic in her eyes.
It is very tough for you to know what to do, I guess. One thing for sure is that you must both break up. What I would recommend you do, if you really have this girl's best interests at heart, is to encourage her to make friends of her own age, start hobbies, make a life for herself. Explain to her that you can't realistically date because of the age difference, she wouldn't want to see you in jail.
Do you remain friends afterwards? Maybe... I'd suggest you gradually distance yourself from her. Be supportive and encourage her not to be so dependent on you, but be clear that you can't pursue a relationship beyond simple friendship. Ask her what she really wants from you. Maybe she is looking for a father-figure, a boyfriend, and about ten friends all in one. I know I am, or was anyway.
You can be the father-figure and the one friend, but you know you can't have a sexual relationship with this girl; you know you can't be the boyfriend. So please be the adult here and make the best decision. Sometimes, to be kind, you have to be, well not "cruel", of course, but a little cool and reserved. Which reminds me: whatever you do, don't be HARSH on this girl. Coming from an abusive background, that would really hurt her.
Best of luck. And thanks for your message - maybe it helped me see a little from the POV of the guy I want so badly.
- 15-yr-old currently getting over her crush
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A
female
reader, bodylotion +, writes (15 August 2009):
 your 24 shes 14. she isn't even legal yet. leave it. your to old simple.
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A
female
reader, babygurll +, writes (15 August 2009):
 ok you are to old for her but who cares age is just a number what you guys have is special ive never heard ne thing like this its really cute and i dont think you should break up with her i mean you may never find a girl like her again
but here are some thingss you can do to get her to break up with you
1.flirt with other girls alot
2.dont be your self act wierd
3.just do the best you can and i can already tell your gonna break this lil girls heart you cant help how old you are niether can she so i think its really cute you two are going out and i think it should conintue
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