A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Wondering if you could give me some advice, my husband and I love each other but the problem comes with sex. He has never really been able to get an erection in the last 10 years and if he does get one it is not a complete one and dont last long. Because of this I have fantisised about other men over the years even sometimes when we have sex. I feel like for the rest of my life I will be having sex for him and not me because I am getting nothing out of it.Asking my husband to do something about it will just embarrass him and probably make him angry I know he would never seek help about it because it will be too angry and embarassed, infact he probably lives in denial because he would never admit to it with his manly pride so I do not know what to do.There is another problem on top of this I have been having strong sexual feelings for someone else, this other person has also let me know he likes me but we are in the same family through marraige, I know it is wrong and we have done nothing about our attraction but I am worried that I will not be able to stop anything happening if we are ever left alone. I feel guilty and excited at the same time, I have asked myself has this attraction come about because of the erection problems but then I think back and realise this attraction is something to do with it but not all to blame the attraction it seems is there regardless and I am very confuse and afraid.This whole situation is making me miserable and thinking of this other person takes that feeling away but I do love my husband and do not understand how I could have developed these feelings I am having for this other man. The other confusing thing is that I do not see this other man much at all so I really do struggle to understand why I have develope these feelings for him.Please help me see some sense in all this if there is any.
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male
reader, Sandman +, writes (15 August 2009):
 I agree with the anonymous female poster below in that you are investing too much time and energy thinking about another man and what he MIGHT be able to do for you as opposed to thinking about fixing the problem in your marriage.
You haven't yet spoken to your husband on this issue so you really don't know what his reaction will be - until you ask him. Sure, he MIGHT get embarrased and/or angry - but he might NOT. You'll never know until you open the discussion.
Begin by telling him you have noticed a decrease in your lovemaking and that if he's willing to discuss the problem with you, then you are willing to help him explore his options which will work for both of you. There are many pharmacological interventions (i.e Viagra, Cialis, etc) as well as non-pharmacological interventions (i.e Penis pumps) that can help him achieve an erection suitable for sexual intercourse.
But before you go that route, a trip to your doctor may be the first place you should go. Erection difficulties are usually a sign or other unresolved issues such as diabetes, hypertension (high blood pressure), and stress at home and/or work). Also, if your husband is taking medications for any of these problems (diabetes, high blood pressure, stress) or other problems like depression, the medication COULD be affecting his ability to achieve an erection.
So before you start cheating, you need to talk to your husband. Discuss why this is an issue not just for you but for him also. Discuss what your plan of action will be and stick to it. Encourage him. Stick by him. Don't let him feel like he's alone. And when you figure it out, when you get the problem fixed, your marriage will be stronger and better because of it.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): why don't you go out to the family doctor and get viagra or equvalent for hubby. at least then his erection would be stronger, he would last longer, that itch between your legs would be scratched (for a while anyway). you have not looked at all the alternatives, one of the reasons you have not given it your all in this marriage is because the other man is present. too much of thoughts invested in him, turn that around. invest now in your marriage and sex life. do the talking to the hubby and get him some help. have you tried helping during sex. blow jobs, hand jobs, position on top. or are you just one of those woman who lets the man do the work only.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (15 August 2009):
 Mariage is religious or social it doesnt replace your basic biological ----i had a different word in mind here but it excaped me desires. You need to talk to your husband he took a vow hes your husband he owes it to you to consider your feelings so what if he gets angry what do you think will happen if he catches you cheating.
Theres lots of stuff on the market for penis problems lots.
talk to your man before you cheat which you only want to do becuse your sexually frustrated and unsatisfied this other man is new and exciting but in the end an affair will work against you.
Dolphins are pretty smart i wonder if they get married.
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