A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband visit my parents some weekends, his others, alternating in between with a weekend for our own quality time together.Whenever we go down to my husbands' parents, it's my husband's dad that causes concern - he emits a foul odor. At least though, he's not being a bad father-in-law, i.e. sexually harassing, he's just acting odd and I don't get why he's this way.He sits around in his undershirt and Y-fronts, and rarely gets dressed at all, and smells foul. My husband did try to talk to him about it but it got nowhere with his father being abusive to him about it. My husband also told me his dad sprays air freshener on himself and his underwear to hide the smell.It's put us both off going but my husband feels he should go, and besides, it would make his mum feel upset, he said.I asked my husband if his dad had any mental issues, and he said, no, not as far as he was aware, he doesn't think he has Alzheimer's, but how can I be sure?What can we do to avoid this stench every time we go down? This is getting upsetting now and I'm worrying about how to deal with this.It's put us off going down and his mother has wondered why.How do we deal with this?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (15 August 2009):
Why not arrange to meet them out somewhere rather than go to their house?
Invite them for lunch, offer to pop round and pick them up and tell them the table is booked for 1pm.
Your mum would probably love to get out and your dad can hardly sit in his pants at a pub while he has lunch so it will force him to get up.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (15 August 2009):
 I appreciate this is a very difficult situation but there could be physical or mental reasons for his condition. YOur husband should tackle the matter with his mother expressing it in terms of deep concern for his health rather than disgust for the smell. It could be a severe case of clinical depression (losing interest in cleaning and dressing are features) or some physical disorder that means he is emiting a smell such as incontinence or severe irritable bowel or cancer. The man is clearly aware he smells and he is probably defensive because people don't like to admit this to other people. I think the key to dealing with this is definitely through his wife. If he doesn't cooperate with her in getting medical attention then she (as his next of kin) should seek help from the GP who maybe able to do a home visit.
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