A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24, and have just got married to my new husband who's 28.Recently he went on a business trip for a few days, or so it seemed, until a good friend (female) had told me she'd seen him with his lover.I thought that was bad enough - seeing as we've only been married for 2 weeks - but it became a double whammy of bad luck for me when I found out his lover was 64, and then it became even worse when I found out off my friend that he'd said that the woman was better in bed than me.I feel heartbroken, and can't trust many men now, apart from my good male friends.I'm going to file for divorce, if I can trace him, wherever he is with this new lover of his.I feel sick, disgusted, upset - why would a man who is married to a beautiful woman like me leave me for a pensioner?? I can't understand it.I've tried taking up other hobbies to ease myself away from this: but I'm consumed by upset.I feel like it will take a long time to get over this: has anyone got any advice which will help me in the long run??Lauren C
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): Hi therep /This is the original poster...
Just an update on my questionp /
In response to the questions as to whether my friend is a reliable source, the answer is yes, she said she overheard my husband saying to this woman who he was with (the 64-year-old) "My wife.... I'm leaving her for you".p /
p /
She was on-shift that day because she works as a traffic warden - she'd overheard them as she walked past a fast-food joint locally.p /
p /
I phoned up my husband's employer, and they confirmed he is on business trips on a semi-regular basis, so it appears my friend was telling the truth.p /
p /
I confronted my husband about the incident, but he didn't deny it, just said "It's not important. I'm quitting this marriage."p /
p /
I feel sick, upset and disgusted - we've only been married 2 weeks and he does this to me!p /
p /
After 5 years together... this is what he does to me??p /
p /
I heard later on from another friend he's moved in with this woman at his new "bachelor pad".p /
p /
Yeuch! I feel sick... I can't understand why a man married to a beautiful woman like me would want to leave me for a pensioner.p /
p /
I've started having counselling sessions to try and get over it, and have filed for divorce - before he mentioned quitting the marriage - the process is still going through.p /
p /
However, I cry myself to sleep at night, now I live alone as my husband moved in with this woman.p /
p /
Thank you for your help so far - has anybody got some good long-term advice that will ease my pain and upset?? I'm heartbroken!p /
p /
Lauren C
A
female
reader, Lia +, writes (31 March 2007):
 Yikes, that is stressful. Anyone in your position would be feeling the same thing. But first of all, I have to ask: who is this friend who told you? Is it a reliable source?
If she is, then I'd say the next step is to talk to your husband. You mentioned 'if you can trace him' - why did you say this? why is he not traceable? Once you do find him, I think you have to talk to him about it. The tricky thing is that he might deny it, but that's why if you can trust your friend who told you, then you'll be able to prevent yourself from believing him. If he denies it and you believe him, you'll probably still have that niggling doubt inside you. So that's why you have to keep your eyes open for any signs that he might be lying - for example, does he switch his cell phone when he's with you or does he run out of the room to take calls? is he always working late? Are those business trips for real (if he says he's going on a business trip, for instance, you could always phone his work and find out where he is and what number you could phone to get hold of him - just lie about a family emergency or something). But ultimately, what's more important than noticing any of these signs is to follow your gut - can you ever trust him? Do you believe that he cheated? If the answer to the first question is 'no' and the answer to the second is 'yes', then you're right: it's best to get out as soon as you can because you don't deserve this. Hope this helped and all the best. Let us know how it goes.
xxx
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A
male
reader, thor +, writes (31 March 2007):
 sounds like your friend could be a bit jealous. your new husband has come between your friendship and she cant handle it so she is stiring things up so you will leave him. has she got proof like photos or witnesses or is it just her word. could this woman be an auntie. i have been accused of seeing someone in the past as my ex's friend told her i was seen with an older woman which happened to be my sister. trusting men ? if your hubby is the closest to you and you dont trust him how can you realy trust your male friends.
i hope all works out for you and that your friend is mistaken
take care
thor
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (31 March 2007):
 I'd start by checking your information sources. It sounds to me like someone is feeding you a BIG line. While I (at 62 myself) will admit that a 64 year old woman can be much more talented in bed than some 24 year olds, I doubt that a 28 year old guy is going to see it that way.
Unless he admits this, or you actually catch him with this other woman, or you hire a professional who gathers concrete evidence that you could use in court or something like that, I'd say that it is most likely that someone (meow!) is out to sabotage your marriage. I'd suggest that you talk to him about this, but I'm afraid he'd probably die laughing if you told him what you heard.
Seriously, though, talking this out is probably the best way to clear this up. A marriage is based on trust. You need to reconnect with your guy and re-establish that trust. And once you get the air cleared, you can probably tell your good friend that she has a promising career ahead of her writing fiction stories.
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