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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi i have a problem and need some advice to feel better.I have 2 older siblings than me, and I'm 23, however I am "at the moment" more finacially stable then they are.I am the youngest, and am the only kid at home and i live at home because my folks dont want to let me leave the house, and suffer from empty nest syndrome, so i thought i wouldn't leave yet or do anything.my dad and i are partners in business, and his knowledge of computers and orders isn't great but i have taught him the basics, so that when i dont go in or I have a meeting he can handle it on his own, and he can.I've decided to go on a holiday overseas for less than 2weeks, and before i leave to go anywhere i leave everything and anything sorted before hand so that he doesnt get stressed or anxious.My mother doesnt want me to go anywhere because she is possesive, and blames me for leaving my dad on his own and that she'll get sick, and that if anything happens it's my fault.My older siblings dont agree too much on my adventure because they are falling into the same trap of chaining people down.i get the silent treatment because i want to live a life of my own and get shouted at at 23.what can i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): Maybe you need to look at moving out soon. It sounds like you have been holding off as it will cause your parents grief, which is very caring you, but when will it end? You have to move out sometime. You can't stay at home forever to keep your parents happy.
You could try and ease them into it - tell them you're thinking about moving out to start with so it isn't a sudden shock. Assure them that your relationship with them will stay the same, and that it is only your living arrangements that will change.
My parents were all thingy when I moved out of home, however I think they now realise it wasn't such a big deal. I see them a few times a week.
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female
reader, theskycastle +, writes (12 September 2006):
 It's so strange that I'm in the same boat as you. I have parents who expect me live at home untill I get married. I'm 23 and have a wonderful boyfriend, but they still want me to date him for at least 4 yrs just to learn who he actually is. Yes, I know it's non-sense.
Stina's comment really helped me too, but I understand it's not as easy as just saying: okay, I'm moving out. There's a lot of responsibility you worry about. Especially when you are doing a business with your dad (strangely enough, I did that for a while in the past). It's extremely hard to tell them you want to be on your own when your parents think you're still a kid. And older siblings sure think about it like that as well. My sister always think/see I'm incompable to support on my own. My advice is, ignore them. And you know what, your siblings should take care of your parents the same way as you since they are your mom's and dad's kids. Don't burden yourself.
I know you don't want to hurt your parents' feeling by leaving. But there's nothing you can do to change that. They're not going to like it. The best you can do is get them to have their own groups of friends. This way they can be on their own too. And you won't feel as bad. Remember you're not going to live with them forever. You have to move out and start your own live either as a single or a family. I wish you good lucky. And I hope I have the courage to confront my parents about move out too...
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reader, stina  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 Hi Anonymous,
Well, the positive side of this situation is that you realize that they are holding you back and you don't deserve it.
I have several suggestions, and because I think this is more than just a problem with going on holiday, I'll mostly address it that way:
- Do what you want with your life because you are an adult an you have been for quite some time now. You've worked hard to be where you are and you shouldn't let others' insecurities bar you down. You deserve to go on vacation! If your family can't manage on their own without you, then they need to see a counselor to get their lives back in order. Unless they require help because of medical conditions or something else that's really serious, then you shouldn't be told it's a bad idea to go.
- I think that if you are financially well-off then it's time to start looking for your own place to rent or possibly buy. It will help you grow more as an adult and give you more freedom. Your family will not like this. But you know what? You are a grown man and it's absolutly normal for you to want to go and start your own life as an individual. If they give you grief for wanting to do so then I think it's time to go to a family counselor. On one hand it could really do a lot of good and get everyone to share their thoughts and different perspectives and come to terms with you being an adult and your parents growing older. On the other hand your family seems extremely oversensitive and they might be offended/angry that you would even suggest this. So I would think long and hard before introducing that.
- As an alternative, you could tell them that you plan to move out (I know your post was about going on holiday, but I do think you need to move out sometime soon and this might help) and that you want them to participate in you doing so. Make it fun. Take them with you to find stuff for your new place. Make it a family thing. They might not like the idea that you're leaving, but it might be comforting to know that they had a hand in it.
See, the problem is that you are all adults living in one house trying to live by your own rules. This would naturally cause tension. I believe that if you move out, there would be less time for that. You wouldn't get in each other's way. You wouldn't have to give them a detailed list of what's going on in your life. They would get used to the fact that you're a responsible grown man.
And as for your siblings, I believe they're just jealous that you are better off than they are at this point in time. Try not to let them being upset with how they've handled their lives get to you. It happens to everyone with brothers/sisters/friends/etc at some point in their lives. Just be the best person you can be and that's all you can do.
Go on holiday, live your life, be happy - you've earned it. It's not the end of the world because you're growing - it's practically the opposite. Take care.
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