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*yomer
writes: Hi every one,I have read a ton of posts on here looking for advice but I still need help. I am 22 years old and have fallen in love with a married woman. We got to know each other very well as friends for 2 and half years. This past summer we kissed and then things moved from there including a night of intense passion and romance. I cared about her very deeply at the time, but I was upset that we had hurt her marriage. I talked to her about this, and she assured me that the marriage between them had been dead for a long time. I have observed this and I can tell you this man is rude to her, he doesn’t care for her and, has been emotionally abusive. The reason they are still married is because he is getting his citizenship, she feels she owes it to him not to leave him until after that’s done. Her husband and she were going to get a divorce after the business with the INS was finished. We have seen each other for a few months now and over the summer we made three trips to see each other. It was after these trips that I realized how much I love her, and I realized she is the love of my life my soul mate. She has told me she feels the same way. They had been married for 4 years and together for 10, and I left my girl friend of 3 years for her. Before we had our first weekend, they had an understanding she had told him she was seeing someone else, she did not say it was me; his only response was that he wanted to hold off divorce till after his citizenship was completed. Well recently we were at her house and the mood struck, everyone was gone just us, and it just happened we, well we were caught by him. He said nothing he just walked out of the room, she followed him, and I grabbed my stuff to leave, scared out of my mind. She says she loves me, and she knows I love her, but she says she needs time to think and be able to come to terms with this. Recently she has told me that she hates herself and everything we did together. She is beating herself up, and I worry about her, I am afraid she may choose to go back to him just to make amends. I don’t want her to be with him he is bad for her what can I do or say that will help? I know this is the one for me. If you are going to leave me advice that I shouldn’t have been with her in the first place please just don’t respond this is the real world and love isn’t always right. I never liked her husband but I do feel horrible for hurting him. Please help.
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reader, cyomer +, writes (20 November 2006):
cyomer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk I havent updated in a while. First of all thank you to everyone who has written to me on here, I apreciate everything you all have said. The situation between her and I has improved, however it has been 2 months of us leaving each other alone that brought us both back to wanting to work on things. In that time she has tried working on her marriage to no avail, and I have tried dating other women, but none of them were anywhere near as interesting or fulfilling. We have recently started talking to one another again, it is a slow start, we are going much slower this time. I will not do anything more forward with her than a movie till the divorce is finalized, I want hr to be mine, and I can't share or hide anymore. So I will let you know what happens with this. Wish me luck as I wish all of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): I like lost andalones answer. I am also 22 in loved with a married woman. We knew eachother since highschool. We were in lov ethen. we didnt do things normal teenagers did. We had intimacy at a very young age. After she left him for the 3rd time she found me. She planned on getting divorced, and naturally he lost it. i was there for her the entire time. I stayed out of their conversations, i had blind faith that she was doing this for her. IT WAS HER BUISNESS She lived with me for a short time bc her mother didnt want her living with her. Shortly after she found out he gave her an std wich i have now. We stopped having sex, and two weeks later she was gone. I took her back. THe longest drive of my fucking life. We tried to talk via AIM and myspace, but she has stopped talking. I want to die. If there is anything i have learned from this, its that u cannot mess with marriage. I used to be one to just have sex with unhappily married women. No more. Thanx god u taught me a valuable lesson.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): Well, after nine months my relationship with a married woman ended last week. I was completely smitten with her and very much in-love. I thought we'd end up together and she said she'd leave blah-blah-blah but it never happened. Was totally gutted and thought it would take ages to get over her but surprisingly it's hasn't been too bad. Before I couldn't sleep, eat, my emotions affected my work and personal life. I was dead against anything to do with anyone that was married but unfortnately I was weak and we got together. It was always more than just sex and we would go out together and have serious good fun. I guess it's sometimes the old saying of "You always want what you can't have"! Bugger - at the age of 32, this is one woman I would have spent the rest of my life with. Ho-hum!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2006): Crumbs, sounds quite similar to what I'm going through at the moment. Ugh! Never been in love before and at the age of 32 I have found it, but with a married woman. it really is true...'love hurts' !!
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reader, cyomer +, writes (18 September 2006):
cyomer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, again. well were still talking and i know its still too soon since the incident, but i cant stop thinking about her i want to see her again, i dont know how to tell her without pushing her away. please help.
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reader, cyomer +, writes (15 September 2006):
cyomer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I think we are entering the eye of the hurricane. She started a conversation with me tonight, first time in a week. It was a pleasant conversation like the ones we used to have and she even imed me just to tell me goodnight. that means alot to me and she knows it, we used to tell each other good night every night. so i am taking these things as a good sign. I will keep you updated.
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reader, cyomer +, writes (13 September 2006):
cyomer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell she told me she wanted our private affairs to be private, but i live with my best friend, i dont know how i could have hid it. she is going out of town this weekend to see her best friend, i assumed she would be talking to him about it. she says she wasnt going to talk about it at all, should i be worried about that?
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reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (13 September 2006):
 Why would she be furious with you?
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reader, cyomer +, writes (13 September 2006):
cyomer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we talked today and she asked if I talked to my best friend about this. I didnt want to lie to her so I told her I had. She is now furious with me. I feel dumb but I needed to talk to someone I didnt know what to do. please help.
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reader, Lostandalone +, writes (12 September 2006):
That is the best thing and a very mature decision. You're on the right track and I commend you for your commitment to the right thing. You don't find too many people your age who can do that. I applaud you. Good Luck.
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reader, cyomer +, writes (12 September 2006):
cyomer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the advice; yes I do love her. I understand what your saying and I have talked to her, I let her know that I loved her and I always would love her and that I’d be there for her and that I supported her no matter what. I think the best thing I can do now is wait, I don't want to influence her because I realize it has to be her choice. And I fear if I push her I may lose her forever.
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reader, Lostandalone +, writes (12 September 2006):
Love isn't always right but opinions vary and thats what you asked for, so don't tell anyone not to leave you advise only on what you want to hear, that defeats the purpose all together.
Now, Yes you love her and yes she also loves you but keep in mind that she has love for him also and he in turn has love for her. You can't change the faccit of their relationship just because you have strong feelings. It is what it is. Love doesn't erase infidelity or deceit. You should bear with her and understand what she is dealing with. These are life changing events and just because you love someone doesn't make it an easy task for the other. Be patient. If the love is that strong than it will keep and you can be together but she has issues at hand the are detremental to you all's well being. Its a state of maturity and now that you have put yourself in this situation you have to take what comes along with it. Its not easy and it will take some endurance. Whatever she decides you have to be willing to except and live with. Putting her feelings and well-being first over your own is true love. Is your love that powerful? I hope this helps.
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