A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am a 21 year old female and I recently met a guy off a dating site and we really have hit it off big time - sexually and spiritually! He's so considerate, loveable and all-over gorgeous and I may be falling in love with him. Trouble is, he's 57 - yes, that's 36 years older than me! Of course, I'm very woried what my family and friends will say cos the age gap is so obviously huge but it really doesnt matter to me. I would normally be against such a relationship but I'm hooked! Can this go anywhere? (We've been sein each other for 8 weeks) Should I try and end it? will I end up getting hurt? I guess Im looking for encouragement here but I've never been in a situation like this so please please help and advise me! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jlotwin +, writes (8 November 2008):
im 18 and my boyfriend is 50 and we been together nearly a year and i say its a wonderful thing so GO FOR IT!! :Dxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): Im in the same situation but im the older man 56 she 32 and beautiful beyond compare.Weve been together for 2 years now.
I think about the possibility she may meet someone younger and even, damn it all, more sexy than me, so the risk is not all hers.We love each and dont want it to end. You,young lady, are in the better position here, if you were to finish, being young enough to start again even in ten years time. Just do what Im doing and enjoy the moment and try to make your relationship last as long as possible and dont worry what others think, true friends are always there for you. Remember many people dont get to live long enough to do anything. They put to many obstacles in their own way.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): You will have known his age beforehand because they always put this on.
The questions to ask yourself are why do you want an older man,and why does he want a younger woman?
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (4 November 2008):
 I agree to a certain extent with the female anon that said something about older guys going for women younger than them because they cant sustain a relationship with women their own age. To a certain extent I believe thats true, and certainly is in the places I have been in the past.They do tend to like control and someone of younger years is easier to manipulate. I am aware I have read a bit too much Take a break and watched too much Jeremy Kyle, and it certainly might bot be the case for you (from what ive witnessed it tends to be teen girls) But any expert will tell you i'm sure, that it does seem to be the case.Would a sane minded, well balanced woman of 30 something want to take a gamble on a guy in their 80's? I dont know..C xxxxxx
...............................
A
male
reader, Transcowboy  +, writes (4 November 2008):
 I have always said age is just a number. I mean my Girlfriend is 12 years older then me, i don't see it as a big difference. I do think tho, that 36 years is a bit much. That is like dating your dad. I would just be afraid that something would happen are you prepared for that.
...............................
A
female
reader, lovinggirl +, writes (4 November 2008):
Hi.
I know it's a bit of a cliche but age really is just a number!
If you both like each other a lot and are willing to give it a go, then go for it :)
Just take it slowly.
Good luck x
PS. Don't worry about what other people think, your family and real friends will support you regardless if they love you, those that do not accept it, are not really worth your time in my opinion.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): this is the exact gap between me and my ex-boyfriend. Of course, I was seventeen at the time, but nonetheless, I regret it. It lasted eight years because I felt too guilty to leave him because he was old and most likely would not find anyone else. He didn't have any problem with using the guilt to control me either.
He was sexist and controlling. Most guys who look for women less than half their age are sexist and controlling. They are incapable of having a relationship with someone their own age.
My new boyfriend is bothered by my past as well, and throws it in my face every so often during an argument.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): If you're the loner type, and don't want children, you have a good chance for it to work. I married an older man, it was definately exciting for awhile, but after we had children, then you are pushed out into society for your kids sake. I felt isolated many times with other moms marrying a guy close to their age. It would've been nice to find a couple like us to socialize...because with my friends, hubby felt 'old' with their conversation...with his friends, they treated me like a little kid. Not lovin' it! :)Sometimes I feel like we live seperate lives because or our age gap. Well, that's how it's been for me. Hope this helps. Take Care.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): Thanks a lot everyone, you really really have been so very helpful, especially Lance Merryweather for your down to earth, no-nonsense answer and very especially Irish49 for your detailed, concerned answer. We are just at the stage of talking serious talk as you suggest, Irish49 so, with renewed confidence, thanks again!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): You are both legal adults, so no one can tell you that you are being silly or that this age gap relationship is wrong. But dating usually has a possible outcome, it's to find that one person, we can spend a future with. So if you are like most of us out there, you could be looking at the 'long haul' with this guy Assuming, your relationship is a very happy, mutually respectful, caring relationship, your bf and you may have some hurdles to overcome and then again...maybe not. It all depends on attitude, and maturity. Some of these obstacles may or may not apply to you both. Or maybe you both have discussed this. If not, it's wise to talk about three important below pointers.
1) Health. It should be realized, that when a 21 year old and a 57 year old, get involved... the age gap, physically, grows wider with each passing year. So, no matter how healthy he is now, he may get into some serious health/energy issues that the you could find troublesome to deal with, in your own stage in life. I am not saying he is of poor health, but progressing age can bring unknown aging problems with it. When you grow old together, being close to the same age at each stage, can be somewhat easier to manage, emotionally. Do you think that you could possibly have the committment and maturity to hang in there, through sickness and health?
2) Children. You likely will want children someday. Is he prepared to be a father at this stage in his life? His life expectancy may not match a child's growing-up years. A lot of older guys do question their level of patience to raise a child and cannot see themselves as being able to cross the generation gap with their partner, when it comes to proper parenting. That is something to consider and discuss.
3) Energy. He may find over time, that he no longer have the desire to participate in doing activities that you like to do. (dancing, concerts, physical sports/activities) You and he may do things together now that could change for you, in 15 years time. He will be 72, you'll be 36. He could be slowing down..whereas, you will be young enough to want to do those things, still.
Depending on your maturity level, your personality, and your life goals...you both could match well together. But it is a good thing to really sit and talk about the possible future issues and obstacles that could crop up. Mainly health and children issues. Best to discuss all this now or when you feel the relationship is building momentum towards a more committed stage. Good luck and I wish you both happiness.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 November 2008):
 As long as you realize you won't be growing old together then fine. I guess you don't want children either?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): Think ahead, say 10 or 15 years. He'll be well past pension age then and you'll only be in your mid thirties. Big age gaps have been known to work for a while - take Hugh Hefner and Peter Stringfellow for example, but I guess those two will be able to afford to employ a nurse to push them around in their bathchairs when the time comes.
If you enjoy each other then there's no harm in it, make the most of it, but it won't always be so. As for whether you'll get hurt or not - if you stay the course - in 20 years time you'll probably have buried him and that will hurt.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): Obviously, I can only give you a guy's point of view here. And as the guy in that situation, I'd be having the same concerns about will it last, is it going anywhere, will I get hurt? What I'm saying is, I would consider myself exceedingly lucky to be in a loving relationship with a lady of such tender years. You're both feeling a little wary about the hurt factor so, if you are both as serious as you seem to be, make it your priority to be as kind, thoughtful and loving as you can to each other - DONT LET THE HONEYMOON END! p.s. sod what others may think - it's YOUR life.Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (4 November 2008):
Odds are stacked against you because you are on different wave lengths. And the longer you spend with an age gap relationship, the more that becomes apparent over time. But you're a legal age so its your call isn't it.
C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): It won't last but your an adult, It's totally up to you what you do with your life.
...............................
|
