A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hello everyone, I'm really needing some help right now. I'm 20 years old and still have to tell my parents where I'm going who I'm going with what I'm doing and if they think I'm lying they will check up on me and ask my friends if I'm there. I don't think this is appropriate for a 20 year old woman. I've recently been seeing this 22 year old guy, I'm not sure where it is going and what is going to happen, I've been staying at his for the past six weekends, we both work all week and find it difficult to see eachother in the week. As a person who has had some bad experiences rushing into things I'd like to just take my time with this guy and see what happens, I do really like him and I think he does me too. However I do not think it is necessary to tell my parents about him while I'm not sure if it is going to end up a serious thing or not. I have made the mistake plenty of times before, getting my hopes up telling all my friends and family he's going to be the 'next one' only to be let down and made a fool out of(at least that's how I feel). I've just got back from his my mum rang me while I was there three times and I missed it and then text me asking if I was coming home, I replied about ten minutes later saying I would be home soon. (I had originally told my mum I was staying at a friends I will call R) When I got home i received a text off my friend C asking why my dad had asked her if I was there, he had already asked R If i was there and she had said she was working, I didn't actually think parents would check up on me at 20 years old, my dad tried to catch me out and asked me what I had been doing in the afternoon i told him I'd been with her at her sisters he then told me he had already asked her and he had said she was at work. Is this normal? Am I being unreasonable? I'd inderstand if I was 16, it's not even as if I didn't respond to my mums text I text her back ten minutes after so she knew I was okay. Does anyone have any suggestions how I can handle this in the future? I know they're only being protective parents but I am an adult!!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 March 2016):
 You say you where not in any danger, but they didn't know that, all they knew was that you had lied to them, therefore it might have had them worried, someday you will have children and you will understand, even though you are an adult they are worried about you.
If you want your own space move out of home and get your own place, this will help with the privacy you want. But no more lies. If you don't want to tell them about this guy well that's your choice but just tell them straight you want a bit more privacy and that you will let them know if you are not coming home and that you are okay.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 March 2016):
 Oh, and I forgot to add, YOU could do a "preemptive strike" and CALL/TEXT your mom/dad and let them know ahead of time that you will be gone for the week-end and back Sunday around XX o'clock.
While you might FEEL you shouldn't HAVE to tell them, you are STILL living at home and thus... they still feel responsible for you and your safety.
It's common courtesy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2016):
EDIT:
That means you lie to you parents where you are.
Should of course have been:
That means you DON'T lie to you parents where you are.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2016):
I agree with the first anon poster.
IF you want to be treated like an adult - ACT like one. That means you lie to you parents where you are.
Consider something bad happened to either you or one of your parents and somebody needed to track you down. It would be hard because of the POINTLESS lying.
If you DO have a tendency to lie to you parents and it's the norm for you, then you need to consider that they treat you like a kid... cause you ACT like one.
IF you feel OLD enough to spend a week end at a guy's house, tell your folks.
Since you get along well (in general) with your folks tell them. I'm not sure if we are all that serious, we are going slow and getting to know each other and that is that.
You live under their roof and for as long as you do that... they will "SEE" you as a kid. That is how many parents work.
Your DAD is a TAD over the top, but I think it's because he worries. He KNOWS you have lied about stuff and that makes him feel like he can't protect you and you don't trust him.
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (13 March 2016):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you. :) I did think it was a little bit over the top. I'm not an only child, my mum and dad split up when I was 4, my mum then had another child to another man when I was 8 and my dad had another child to another woman when I was 11. I have two younger sisters. My dad seems to be the one who is obsessed with finding out where I actually was but I don't see why they really need to know I wasn't in danger I'm back home I'm not hurt or upset so I really can't see the problem it isn't as if I was in danger. I think my dad still thinks I'm about 10. Me and my parents do have a pretty good relationship I would say, I just don't want to make a huge deal about someone when I'm not really sure if they're going to be sticking around or it's going to get serious.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (13 March 2016):
Yes ths can be very difficult as you are a adult.However i notice from your letter that you did not mention if you had brothers or sisters.Now if you are an -only child- this might go some of the way explaining your mum and dad being over protective.It would be very important for you to sit down and have an indept chat with your parents,and explain how you feel,and also taking into consideration their care and love for you.Hopefully you all will be able to come to a understanding that will be o k for all.I can fully understand where your coming from,so have an open chat.You might consider telling your parents about your boyfriend,stating its at at early stage as of yet,without going into many details about your hopes for the future.Kind wishes NORA B.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2016): if you want to be treated like an adult you have to act like one mostly by not lying. It seems you have a history of lying about where you're going and what you're doing so of course they check up on you. if you are going to lie at least make sure your friends are willing to cover for you. If you're not sure where this is going with the guy, then maybe it's not wise to spend the night. Unless I misunderstood. Even so, tell your parents you're at his house, you don't know where it's going and you're taking it slow. At least tell a friend in case something does happen along with his name/address/number. That's just part of common sense. Your friend doesn't have to tell your parents.Or, just say you're with a friend and it doesn't matter who. If they ask you if it's a guy, be honest! That's probably what they're worried about! I know people who had curfews at 26... and she was a teacher living at home to pay off student loans! She simply told people she didn't feel the need to stay out late or do overnights. her philosophy was that if she was not allowed to do it while growing up then she was too old to do it once she became an adult.bottom line act like an adult. Be honest about where you're going and who you're with and what you're doing that way they won't have to worry. If you have rushed into things in the past you may be part of that happened because nobody knew what you were really up to and they could have been used as a sounding board as to the wisdom if some of your choices
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