A
female
age
30-35,
*elanie Francis
writes:My partner hasn't got much money due to working part time hours and having to pay bills so when my birthday came up, he never got me anything which I understood due to his situation but he didn't mention to me that he wasn't going to get me something. About a week and a half after my birthday, I was wondering why he didn't even at least get me a card which doesn't cost much. After casually speaking to a family member about it, I thought that I would ask him about it so we went out to eat lunch and after we had left the place I mentioned it to him. He became quite defensive and we started arguing about it in public. He then stormed into the nearest shop and went to the card section and picked up a card and was ready to pay for it. I stormed in and took the card off him (I didn't want the card anymore as it looked like I had forced him to buy me one).Anyway about a week after he presented me with a card which was nice and a A4 note pad which he had glued down in neat rows all of the receipts that he had kept as souveniers from when we had been out for dinner, movies etc. The thing is that all the receipts which went over like 4 pages were paid for by me so looking at them was a bit weird. It sort of just reconfirmed to me that I pay for most things. He probably tried to be creative but I could think of more creative things then doing that. Was that a cheapskate present? Ps: I am not a materialistic person.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 March 2016):
 While I think he was trying to show some sort of effort with the "home made" card - it also made you realize that YES, this is an financially uneven relationship.
So here is my thing, if you are OK with paying for stuff more than he does, then don't worry about it. If it actually bothers you, then you might need to rethink the relationship.
Personally, he could have put a few pounds away and saved up for a little something. However he didn't.
Which means maybe you two need to talk gift giving "rules" that way you can BOTH limit how much money you spend on birthdays/Christmas gifts to each other. That way no one will FEEL bad for spending more or less.
And yes, he was really embarrassed to be called out on being a cheapskate thus his childish behavior with trying to buy you a card.
And yes, I'd let it go. He obviously isn't a very creative person. But he TRIED. (failed but got to give him some credit for the effort!)
Maybe he LEARNED something from this whole event. Like... a GF likes AT LEAST a card for her birthday....
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (13 March 2016):
 I think his reaction was a direct result form feeling embarrassed about his financial situation. But that,in my opinion, does not negate that he could have at least cooked you dinner or something. I have to be honest, I just don't get the A4 receipt note pad gesture. Was that meant to be a gift or his was of saying that he does appreciate that you do support his situation by being financially generous? If it was, I think that gifts of that nature are far more valuable than any store bought token. I liken it to my kids mothers day breakfast of stone cold coffee so strong that you could stand a spoon in it accompanied with toast an inch thick with butter with half a jar of jam plonked in the middle- Priceless! I think it is safe to say that you have made your point. If it were me I would let sleeping dogs lie.
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