A
female
age
30-35,
*ohemi
writes:I am 20 years old and I am still with my high school sweet-heart. Our relationship began 4 years ago and we feel to be really in love til' this day. I really love him and wouldn't doubt spending the rest of my life with him, we have been going to the same university without my parents knowing. My parents got very mad when i first asked them in I could have a boyfriend and until this day they get very mad just to think of it. They say I cannot have a boyfriend until I finish my career like at age 27. I feel very stressed because it is extremely hard to keep my relationship in a secret and I am scared that any minute they will find out, but at the same time I am mad that they think I don't have a heart or feelings and won't let me have a relationship.
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female
reader, nohemi +, writes (6 September 2009):
nohemi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys so much!!!this really helped me a lot..at times i dont know if my parents are wrong in not letting me date, or if im wrong in still letting them make decisions for me..I've tried talking to them before and my boyfriend too but my parents screamed at him and forced him to leave my house. It makes me mad that they dont want me to date, but at the same time it hurts me when they get mad at me. I know they are scared for me not to finish my studies because of some guy, but i am very focused..i transferred universities with honors and they are not paying a dime for my school(to answer your question). My boyfriend is also studying and he has and still is supporting me. Sometimes I feel like just telling them and leaving, I just come home for the summer but..idk..maybe we need family counseling or something..because they just dont want to let go:(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): I don't see how your parents have any say so in your having a relationship at the age of 20. You are a legal adult. That said, are they paying for your college?
If they don't want you to have a relationship, they may mean that they don't want you dropping out of school in order to be with some guy.
What I would do is just to reassure them that you are planning on finishing your studies but that you also have a boyfriend that you care for very much and see a future with.
I mean is there a problem with this particular guy since you have been seeing him for 4 years, they must have known about it in those 4 years. Do they think he is a loser, not good enough for you, not a good provider?
I would try to get to know what their fears are and talk to them about that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): The way I see it is, you are 20 years old. You are an adult, and they need to respect you and your decisions. I understand where they are coming from... with school being important. But it seems you are concentrated on school, and that should be all that matters to them. I really think you should tell them how you feel, and tell them the truth about you dating. I'm 21, married, have a baby, I'm going to school, and I work part time as well. It's all about prioritizing, but you can do it!
Good luck with your parents!
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A
female
reader, iloveyhoo  +, writes (6 September 2009):
 Hmmm,well yes your parents might seem strict but the truth of the matter is they want you to have a good life,good job,without it all getting messed up with love problems and mistakes like for example if you got pregnant.What you should do is try and sit down with them,when they are in a good mood and explain to them that you are 20 years old, and now an adult,you can make decisions of your own choice.that you feel like you should be allowed a relationship as you are completely fine with looking after yourself,then you need to explain to them that you want to have a very successful career, and you will try your best and a releationship will not affect that as you will put more effort into your job making. show them that you are capable of making the right choices wiv your job first.
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (6 September 2009):
 I think that telling them will be a load off your mind, as i in the past have tried to keep a long relationship a secret, but as soon as my parents actually found out, they were angry, but if you speak to them about it, and make it clear that your other half hasn't ruined any of your education/career so far, and they don't intend on doing it in the future. Also make it clear that you are old enough and responsible enough to make your own desisions, and need to tell them in order for it not to worry you during this important time in your life.
Hope i helped
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