A
female
age
30-35,
*ickeyk
writes: ~I'm 19 and pregnant and the farther is addicted to weed and drinking.My first problem was started a year ago last January when I started to date a guy that was defiantly not the kind I use to date. He was wild almost right out of person. He didn't scare me. Little did I know dating him would change my life forever even though it was only for a month. After having the most wild, crazy, and fun 3 weeks with him I learned there was something he was hiding and already learned his persona ties. Even though I smoked pot before I would of consider my self a social smoker but, now I smoked every day because he did.My one month relationship with him consider of great crazy sex and smoking pot. I wouldn't do anything alas but, that. I learned after two weeks he sorted coke smoked a lot more things that where harder then just pot. But there was still something he was hiding from me.After the month I figured it out. He was a junkie and had a girl friend and was just using me because I was good in bed and had a ride. I learned it right away. I felt dirty. I just knew he gave me something. After that I dated his friend and went into my f.u. mood and tried to show what he did didn't bug me and that I was a hot piss of ass he couldn't have anymore. Then move on with my life like normal. Problem is it worked for the first couple of weeks then, his junkie side really didn't care. His friend was a great guy and I ended of being really good friends with him. He would always tell me how pretty I was and how he couldn't believe he was with me. I never even slept with the poor guy and he was head over heals for me. He had a friend that had a lot of money and she did coke all the time. Long story short we all ended up doing it all the time. That relationship lasted about a month. I ended up needing a more sexual relationship after not getting any for 2 months and not being able to do it with this guy. He got me into pills and coke but, poor guy never got sex. Even with all the money he was pouring out over me with drugs.So one night I stayed at one of his friends house to watch her kids. There was this guy there named Tim. Cut this longer story short. I was all pilled up and he was defiantly not the guy I would go for but, like I said I thought I had something anyways so why not. I don't know he it was the pill I was on or he was just that good. But sex with tim reminded me of the sex I had in January. And it's been two months since I had any sex.I ended it with guy two and stayed with Tim. Turns out I was the only the 7th girl he's slept with and it was the first time he's had sex in 7 months. We hit it off great. We didn't tell anybody that we where together. Not even are selves. It took us 3 months of hanging out, partying, sleep at each others house every night and getting high before we both said we loved each other and that we wanted to be a thing. It was AMAZING! Shortly after I moved in with him because, it would be rent free and we weren't spending time away from each other any ways. Only when I worked.That lasted 3 months in it self. I found out Tim was a kind of guy you would call seasonal. He would change about every 3 months. He then decided that it would be a good idea for me to move out. I got the feeling he didn't want me anymore and was hiding something from me. After those next 3 months we where friends with benefits again and I still lived with him because I just never moved out and never really gave him a reason to make me leave. He would disappear though for like 2 to 3 days. I wouldn't ask questions. One day one of his friends asked if I was happy with life. My answer was no of Corse. His friend asked to you want to speed like you've never speeded before. Next thing I know I'm puffin on a glass pipe. Turns out that’s what Tim was hiding from me. He found out I tiered and was shocked out of his mind. Then smoked with me. Everything went back to normal he started telling his friends not to hit on me no more. Even though he knew I would never act on it. Then one night out of the blue called me his girlfriend again. We moved and started living together alone and 2 months of doing that really bad drug I had enough. Told him he could but, I was done with it all expect pot. He was really cool about it and said he liked it better that way and I was the first girl he'd ever might that could do it then drop it that fast. I honestly hated the shit. Made my teeth feel weird, hair look like crape, my eye's yellow, and I would sleep at the wierdess times.Then six months into the up and down relationship. I went to get tested because, I thought my problems from the first relationship where catching up with me because, I had a really bad U.T.I. turned out to be that I was just pregnant and completely std free. Talk about a shock both ways. Even though I knew I could do better then Tim and STD thing kept me from moving on because, I didn’t want to spread it anymore then what I did with Tim. Now I love him and I’m having a child with him in three months. I have no house or money to care of our child and my head tells me to do better.SO.......... Here's my life problem!Now Tim and I are expecting a child. He was raised to drink and party. His whole family is like that. I was raised to have a loving family and work hard to make sure there life is everything I can give them. He can't get a job. I had to move back to my parents and now I don't know how I'm going to support my child. I'm scared of being alone and having my child exposed to drugs before anything. **How do I get around this?**Should I wait to see if seeing his little girl of ours will change things?~I really love him and want to be that person that saves him. But like your probably going to think is that I’m crazy and need to get away from him as far and as fast as possible. Which is what my head tells me to do but, my heart won’t let go.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): I'm in the same boat you are. Kinda my boyfriend grwew up with the drugs and drinking to and didn't work either. But when he found out he was having a little girl reality kinda sunk in for him. He now has a job and is trying really hard to get past his bad habits. He still smokes though and thats one thing that you can not tolerate. I really mean that. I told he could drink when he needed to but there is no reason to expose a child to that. He has gotten so much better he changing its slow and it will be a slow process if you can stick it out I think it will be worth it.
A
female
reader, shnookims  +, writes (2 May 2009):
 You need to think of this child as a blessing. It is going to be the thing that changes you. I seriously hope that your drug taking isn't going to affect this poor child though. You said you've moved back in with your paretns, so they're willing to help you out? And you won't be alone. You need to be the best mother you can to this child, because she deserves it! Like lazyguy says, you have to grow up now and realize your responsibilities. You don't want your daughter to be exposed to drugs then stop smoking pot as well. It is a drug too.
I've seen it countless times and you really need to go with your head now. For the sake of yor daughter. If your "boyfriend" wants help and wants to be part of his daughters life, he will come to you. But then you NEED to lay down some serious rules and keep to them. Don't run after him and don't let him get near your daughter if he's still on drugs. She's more important now than he is. He's messed up his life, don't let him completely mess up yours and your daughters.
If your so unsure of you capabilities to take care of this child and give her the best life you can, and if she's going to be exposed to drugs and alcohol so soon, then maybe you should consider putting her up for adoption. There are lots of good families out there who can't have children.
If that's not an option for you I don't think you really need advise as to what to do. You know what is right for you and your daughter. Take responsibilty because party time is over.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (2 May 2009):
 "I really love him and want to be that person that saves him."
Oh dear god. Well at least you put it clearly. Pity that it never ever works. It is not as if you have been capable of saving yourself.
You say you will give up drugs except pot. HA! There is no such thing as pot anymore. It is skunk now. The pot from the 60's and 70's has been cultivated into a hardcore drug, infinitly more potent then the weed people used to smoke.
Frankly, when your life story reads like an advert about the dangers of drugs, you need to worry less about saving others and more about getting your own life in order.
Six months from now you will give birth. That is NOT a lot of time. You need to get off drugs (do you really think any drugs are good for babies, what you are smoking your baby is smoking), get an income and start leading a regular scheduled life.
You don't have time to play the gf anymore who will cure the bad boy of his ways with her love. Anymore then you have time to wait for the prince in shining armour. You got pregnant, you are an adult now. Time to take responsibilty for your own life.
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