A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I've completely lost my mind here, so maybe someone can give me some perspective. I'm a 38 year-old mother of one. I've been divorced for years. I've always thought of myself as a rational person until now. For reasons I cannot explain, I recently had a sexual encounter with a 20 year-old guy. When I say that out loud, it sounds creepy. I'm almost old enough to be his mother. Anyway, I work the midnight shift and he's been coming over almost every morning after my daughter leaves for school and we've been having sex. This has gone on for a couple of weeks now. I know this is a bad idea but it's been incredibly exciting and it's all I can think about. It's kicked my sex drive into overdrive. I think I must be having some kind of mid-life crisis or something because, even though I know how all of this sounds, I can't resist continuing it and I find myself wanting it to become more. I'm starting to think of us as a couple even. To top it all off, we're not even using birth control. I'm a 38 year-old woman and I'm acting like a teenager hoping her boyfriend will pull out in time. What's wrong with me? I am going to make an appointment to get myself back on birth control at least. Am I completely mental? Surely there's no future in this. It doesn't seem healthy but I don't want to give him up. Yes I am sad, lonely, and depressed and this attention has been intoxicating. Advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 May 2017):
 You are old enough to be his mother, although that is nobodies business as you are both adults! Honestly though no protection? He is 20 he could very well be sleeping with multiple women and he could be riddled with infections, I really never understand why people can be so careless with their health never mind you a single mother to your child. Surely you should be safe? Also I doubt he wants a relationship it sounds to me like this is purely about sex so be careful that you don't get hurt. The only advice I can give you is please get yourself tested at a clinic in case you catch anything.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2017): Enjoy it while it lasts but please make sure he uses condoms till you go on the pill.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (21 May 2017):
 AHEM...jealous lol. He is an adult, you are an adult-enjoy! Just get the birth control happening. That much you know is being irresponsible.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2017): Funny how 20 is somehow still a BOY when it comes to sex with a willing older woman, but is an adult when it comes to literally anything else.For the record, I am of the opinion that once you reach the age of consent for your society, that is when you are expected to be able to handle a sexual relationship with someone, regardless of age gap, if any.Now, the OP and this man of hers are both adults and neither are in relationships. If they wish to sit down and define what their relationship is, so be it. Maybe it is just a little harmless fun between consenting adults, or maybe it will develop into something more. Or maybe it won't.I say explore that and see where it goes and just enjoy it in the mean time.I do agree that this will not heal depression, however. Only the poster can dO that.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (20 May 2017):
 Until I reached "Yes I am sad, lonely, and depressed", I was thinking "what's the problem?"
You ARE old enough to be his mother BUT you are both single (I assume) consenting adults. Life doesn't come with any guarantees. All you have is the happiness you can enjoy now. The future is never promised. Enjoy your happiness now but please please please sort out reliable contraception before it is too late.
Perhaps now that you have this excitement in your life, you could motivate yourself to get help for your sadness, loneliness and depression? Then if this relationship runs its course, you will be a stronger person than you were before.
Enjoy but be careful and take care of yourself.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (20 May 2017):
Unprotected sex with a twenty year old. Pregnancy is only part of your problem. Have you considered the possibility of sexually transmitted infections?
Personally I think it's great that you have found a playmate. But you need to protect yourself and you need to be prepared for the the possibility that he is going to grow tired of the relationship and decide to move on. But that could happen with a man your age. So enjoy yourself but please make this kid wear a condom until you are sure he is safe.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2017): I think the history to this scenario would be interesting to know because the average 20 year old doesnt knock at the neighbours door for sex!You brushed over the initial sexual encounter very rapidly and now the lad is onto a good thing that you are prepared to supply.I wonder if you are both on the same page here and how long youve known the lad and his family.You may be physically hot and he may be muscle bound and keen to practice sex but is this supposed to be a dirty secret or a new awakening?Where will it go?is the unasked question!Quite probably you will end up as a notch on his belt and you will be likewise.But what if he wants to move out of his folks house or hostel and move in with you?I can imagine that you see this as a summer of love type of thing with a finit time limit, but what happens if he just wants to lie in your bed all day while he gets his life organised!Will it still be good for you?
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (20 May 2017):
 I agree with chigirl. I think it is great that you are taking this opportunity to enjoy life and experience some happiness and excitement. Who knows where this relationship will lead. The point is that you got an opportunity to experience joy and you jumped in. Sometimes happiness comes in the most unlikeliest of places. You are both single, consenting adults so forget the naysayers. I think it's a perfect sexual match. You are both at the age (in your genders) where your libidos are at its peak. Good idea to start using birth control. Have fun!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 May 2017):
 Think of your daughter. Don't do anything that will put her to shame. It's perfectly acceptable for you to have fun but do it responsibly. Also, remember that hot sex won't take away the fact that you're sad, depressed and lonely. You're filling the void in the wrong way. What are you planning to do when the young boy decides to take off? Do you realize you'll be sadder still and possibly even more depressed?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2017):
 1. You ARE old enough to be his mother.
2. I think (personally) the age gap is too big - not for casual sex (though for me... it would feel way to robbing the cradle) for a serious relationship? Eh? The BOY is barely out of his teens. He has LITTLE life experience. YOU, on the other hand, has a lot - you have had a child, long term relationship(s) and a career (or at least a work history) and INDEPENDENCE for much longer.
Let put the shoe on the other foot a minute.
You mention a daughter. HOW would you feel if she at 20 was with a who was old enough to be her father at 38? Would ou not feel she should find someone closer to her own age, someone, she can GROW and MATURE with?
Now aside from the LOGIC (at least my personal logic as stated above) - I CAN see the fascination with, the attraction to a younger lover. NO doubt.
What I find the most telling is when you write:
"Yes I am sad, lonely, and depressed..."
Sex isn't going to CURE that. It might temporarily make you forget but if you are SAD, LONELY and DEPRESSED it's UP to you to WORK on that, not lay that on a 20-year-old lover. And while things might seem "fun" now... if it because more you would probably find that you have little in common and he can't ADD more to life besides some fun. He CAN'T fix your personal issues.
And being irresponsible? You know better.
Sorry, if I sound like I'm raining on your parade here.
If I were in your shoes, I might just stick to having "fun".
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 May 2017):
 I think its healthy. Who doesnt need hot sex? Keep at it. As far as a relationship goes, I dont think it is meant for life either. But who says you need to marry him? Enjoy the sex and the thrill. But use protection unless youve both had the baby-talk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2017): Enjoy yourself but always remember it may go somewhere or it may not.
I am 16 years older than my husband!
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