A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 18 and I continually get my electronics taken away from me that I paid for and am continually grounded. I have a bedtime of 10 on school nights, and it varies on weekends. I have some money put away for savings and Im in school right now (Its all paid off). I want to get a job to make some more money but they wont let me. They also wont let me move out (i need to know how much i have put away first and I don't have access to my account). I had a lot of medical issues growing up but now all I have is really bad lungs. I have medications I'm on and take regularly and stuff. My parents keep telling me that Im not responsible to move out and do everthing I have to do and that they will get in trouble wiht the law if they let me move out. Im 18, I want to be able to get a job, and not be grounded/get my things taken away from me all the time!! I paid for my devices myself. Ive tried numerous times to get them to let me move out, get a job, etc.. but they wont.If i was to try and move out they would probably take all my stuff away from me so I couldn't take them with me. What do you think I should do?
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 It sounds like your parents are trying to do what they believe is the best thing to do. If you have a child who is unwell/disabled you would naturally be more overprotective. Do you have any other family members you could talk to, they might be able to help in some way. Or a teacher/youth worker. They could maybe have a chat with your parents for you. Maybe your parents might agree to loosen the rules in return for you not leaving.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): Why will they get in trouble with the law if you move out?
How about cooperating with them. Ask them what it would take for them to feel ok with letting you be on your own. Does it have to do with your medical conditions? Something else? Why not try a compromise. E.g. you get a job but agree to find an apartment very close to where they live so they can check in on you easily. This might assuage their fears if letting you he on your own. Then as time goes on and both you and your parents are used to you living close by then you can bit by bit move further away from them or find other ways to curb their intrusiveness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2013): What is everyone on here saying? I can see we don't have the complete story here. Just because you turn 18 doesn't mean you're mature to take care of yourself. You have college students still on their parents' dime. So relax. I assume they are practically paying for everything else, but you want to insist that you paid for your own electronics? If you were taking care of yourself at 18 completely, would you even be able to afford any of those electronics. It sounds like they have your best interests at heart especially if you've had a lot of medical problems that hey have had to deal with as adults. It's easy not to think about what a caretaker of someone with an illness has to go through. Do I think your parents can lighten up a little? Sure. But if they're paying the bills, then it's their rules. Why not focus on trying to get a part time job and show them you can be responsible so they don't have to worry so much instead of trying to move out. I mean, come on, are they abusive to you? If you've been sick, why the immediate need to run out of your house. To me, it doesn't sound very grown up. The grown up thing to do is analyze the entire situation which includes what role you parents have in ensuring you lead a safe and healthy lifestyle, financial responsibilities, etc. Further if you don't have a job, how on earth did you pay for your electronics? Think about how your parents feel and stop being so selfish. If you have bad lungs that means you've been in the hospital multiple times and have had multiple emergencies and if that's the case your parents have been trying to keep you alive this long. Could it be that they are worried about you being alone or on your own? That would certainly be a valid concern. Also, not knowing what illness you have....but if it was cystic fibrosis which gives you bad lungs - this is a disease you've inherited a trait from from both parents. If this is thne case, had it ever occurred to you that there is some guilt that you're parents might harbor. Even if it wasn't that illness, your parents could still be harboring some guilt that they couldn't keep you well. Like I said, think like a grown up. Grown ups with illnesses need help too. Sometimes they can't be on their own either. I understand you're 18 and want some independence, but these are basic concepts you need to appreciate. So my advice is to look for a part time job - something small that allows you to take some responsibility just as long it's not detrimental to your health.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 January 2013):
 Yes, what are your medical issues? I understand taking medications, but are they receiving money from the government for your care? Are you a medical dependent of theirs?
I agree with CaringGuy. If they are talking about being in trouble with the law if you leave home, YOU should talk to the police yourself to see how your medical condition impacts your independence. Are you in school now, like high school? Talking to your counselor about it might shed some light too.
I can understand their behavior if you had a life-threatening issue, but even more, I can understand YOUR feelings too. I had really strict parents myself who didn't view us as being adults until we moved out of the house. So I talked to a long-time friend of mine and arranged a roommate living situation and moved out pretty early through college and have never looked back. I loved my parents, but they had a hard time letting go. I'm thinking that your parents love you, but it takes them longer to let you go than it takes you to feel like you want to fly from the nest.
Don't worry, and don't lose heart. Your time is coming! Remember, it's not enough to get away from your parents and be on your own, you need a plan for your life. Want your parents to see you as an adult??? Start talking about your future with them. Make them see you graduating from college. Make them see you as a future decorator/businesswoman/entrepeneur/teacher/doctor, or whatever. Now's the time to think about that, no matter who's roof you're under.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 January 2013):
 aside from your medical problems, are there other issues you are not mentioning?
you sound much like my Autistic Spectrum child (since Aspergers in no longer in the DSM)
do you have any disorders such as ADHD or learning disabilities or Aspergers as a diagnosis?
School nights... are you in high school?
if so I know that getting up around 6 to make a 6:45 bus would require me to be in bed by 10...
if you are 18 why do you need your parents permission to get a job?
see I'm sensing we're not getting the whole story.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2013):
I'd be half tempted to call the police and tell them what is happening. This sounds very, very weird to me. There is something quite sinister in their behaviour. This isn't like you're a rebellious teenager who's wrecking their house. You're now a grown woman who wants to do her own thing, and they won't let you and they're taking your stuff that you've paid for. And then to say that they'd get into trouble with the law, that's weird
Do I think you should move out? Yes. do you have a friend who could help you at all?
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