A
female
age
30-35,
*mallCard
writes:I've kind of dug myself a grave here. I'm dating a man who's 42, and I'm only 18. But there one huge problem that I used to let slide but now it's starting to get to me. He's married. I used to just brush it off, but every time I see his and her car across the street, I start to worry and get parrnoid. I don't know what they do together, and that's what upsets me. I'm not sure if I should just come clean and tell him that it's really startng get to me, I don't want to share him anymore. I've hinted things like that before but he would allways saythings like the seeds of time may blossom into somethig more beautiful than words can express, he told me that after I said that I think that he will never tell me he loves me. I don't want him to tell me that he loves me untill he means it and she is out of the picture. I really care and want to be with him so much, but I'm losing my grip on our relationship so to speak. I don't know if I should just wait it out and be happy with the time that I do get to spend with him and not dwell over the fact that he might be using me as a toy. Or should I just stop this till he leaves her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): "should just wait it out and be happy with the time that I do get to spend with him and not dwell over the fact that he might be using me as a toy. Or should I just stop this till he leaves her."
Well firstly, yes wait it out and be grateful for the left overs you get when he's not with his wife OR you get some self respect. Secondly, there is no MAYBE you ARE being used as a sex toy. You're an 18 year old girl and he's old enough to be your father, you really think he comes to see you for your amazing conversation skills? get real.
He is not going to leave his wife for an 18 year old girl, it just won't happen. The only time he'll leave her is if she finds out and he gets kicked out the house.
Drop this guy, get some self respect and OPEN YOUR EYES.
If you want to get rid of him quick just tell him you love him and have feelings for him, he'll run a mile.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Um...hello...you are being used...big time by a guy who is a creep. Let's imagine for a moment that prince charming ditches his wife (you know, the one he vowed to love and cherish the rest of her life) and gets with you. You are going to trust this guy to remain faithful to you? Are you out of your mind? Honey, he doesn't love you. He's using you to get laid. He's using you to give his 42 year old flagging ego a shot in the arm. Newsflash...he ain't leaving his wife. You need to run the other way. You are wasting your time and jeopardizing your emotional well being by doing what you are doing.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 You seem to be forgetting that 'she' hasn't done anything wrong. She presumably loves and trusts her husband, who is having sex with a teenage neighbour. That makes him a bad guy, and you a bad girl. This is not true love: this is your first experience with an influential, experienced man, and this is his ego boost.
You really don't have a right to be mean to her. And you should stop it with him. I doubt you will, but you should. And no, of course he won't leave his wife and set up shop with a teenager, so if you leave him until he leaves her, you will be leaving him forever, I think.
Sorry to be harsh - I'm not usually, but this is just silly. There are so many nice 18 year old guys around! Have one of them instead! Honestly. It would be much better for you. You are playing with fire here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): You say you don't know what he does with his wife. Let me give you a brief look into your married lovers life with his loving wife.- they touch, they caress, he rubs her shoulders and talks to her about work and kids (if any) - they talk about their planned holidays. Their family times together. - he tells her his thoughts, his fears and his dreams- they go shopping together. They visit friends and family together- he may help her with some housework, kids schoolwork.gardening(??)- they entertain their friend, families AND EVEN NEIGHBOURS- they lie in each others arms, tickling each other, intimately caressing each other- they make sweet love where he tells her how much he loves her and their lives together. After an erotic movie he f*cks her. Yes he F*cks her because both are very horny. - he pats her bum while she is in the kitchen, sometimes gives her bum and breasts a squeeze when he thinks no one is looking- they shop together, they eat together, they are complete with each other- she is his beneficiary and his pension is hers- they fight, yes they fight and even swear each other, then they have make up sex with passion and lust- they nag each other. Sometimes jealous of each other- they may be friends as well- he lies to her. He covers up his adultery. He is a snake.- he secretly sneaks around . He tries to steal a few minutes to run to you bec you are waiting for him flat on your back, legs wide open. He slinks away after the sex so that no one sees hiim Fing around with a girl young enough to be his daughter- he laughs to himself as to how easy and how gulliable you are.- he runs home to be withhis wife and family life beacuase he wants to- he is seen around with his wife bec she is his honourably other half while you are only good enough to have on the sly- all good days- holidays/birthdays/valentines/xmas and the like he plays happy homes while you are left hiding behind the curtains looking at his happy life- does he acknowledge you at all-f you want to be anything other than a mere F in the sly you need to out him. Reveal his cheating ways. But becareful your game may just endBecause this is really a game to you, isn't it? A game to destroy lives?LoveGirl
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Honey, he will NOT leave his wife for you. It will not magically become TRUE LOVE or Pretty Woman....
He is a cheater and a liar. What he is doing to his family is devastating and YOU are PART of that. Think about it.
Why be with a married man? Why would you not want a "whole" man? He is not "yours" at all. You are his midlife crisis mistress. Once his wife find out about you you will become his biggest mistake.
Drop him, let him go.
Find a SINGLE guy to date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): He's not going to leave his wife for a teenager, end of story. Wake up! You're just a piece on the side that's all. I bet he can't believe his luck. Maybe you should get yourself your own man and stop stealing other peoples.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 October 2010):
 You have very appropriately dug your own grave since this is certainly a dead end. Cut off the sex and see just how long Mr. Wrong hangs around.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This guy is a slick predator, albeit since you are 18 it is legal to do this.
I doubt he is really reliving his youth or feeling more manly here, he is probably just really getting off on the power he has over you and using you as a "throwaway".
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 October 2010):
 You're his sex toy and he's a smooth talker. Learn your lesson here. Any man willing to cheat on his wife is bad news. Period.
Don't waste any more time with him. He doesn't love you. He won't love you. He'll deny you the second his wife finds out.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 October 2010):
 He's married and having an affair with you. To top it off you live across the street? If the affair is in the neighborhood it's only a matter of weeks before his wife catches you two together. You're another life he is leading outside of his normal one...he sees you, you engage in sex then he goes back home to his wife and other life. If he loved you he would leave his wife, but he's not. You have a 12% chance of him leaving his wife, not very high is it? End it because you could be waiting until the end of time for him to leave his wife. You get hurt in this matter, and his wife does too if she finds out.
A word of advice, don't date men who have a ring on their finger they're not 100% available.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Look through the posts here, you'll see many situations similar to yours, a woman waiting for a married man to leave his wife. Don't waste your youth on a married man! The odds are he will never leave you, no matter WHAT he says. You are a young fresh breath of air for him, an escape from his family obligations, but at the end of the day, he still goes home to his wife, doesnt he? And he always will. Get out sweetie, you're not going to win. A man will say almost anything to get a sweet young thing, but it doesn't mean he will stand by what he says.
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female
reader, TjLady +, writes (28 October 2010):
 I'm sorry to say this but, WTH? this guy can be your DAD!!
First off, you will never be happy with him, why? because he is married! he will never leave his wife, that is a known fact, specially if they have children together, what they do together is unfortunately non of your business, at least that's what his wife would tell you.
Second, you made a big mistake in choosing a married man to be your boyfriend, because lets face it, he IS cheating on his wife, and if he cheats he is not an honest man, not with his wife, not with you either.
Married men who cheat specially with such a young girl as you, most of the time just play around, since they are getting the feeling of being more manly, reviving their youth or just have the feeling that they still have charm with the young ladies.
I would recommend you stop seeing this man, it will only bring you misery and pain.
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