A
female
age
30-35,
*bdd
writes:I try to control him, I have been hearing this a lot. We are broken up now but I want to work on this for myself even if WE still happen to get together. How do I manage that. I know it may do with trust but I dont know how to solve it. Also he used to tell me I tell him one thing but when he does it i hate him for it, and when he does what he wants i dont like it either he never knew how to make me happy. I need help clearing this up in my head. Can you help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RennieGeek +, writes (28 October 2010):
Could you give some examples? This is really hard to judge when we don't know your behavior. Do you get upset when he hangs out with just his friends? Do you call him or text every second of every day? Do you tell him that what he's wearing isn't right? Do you tell him when to be where?
Some examples of your behavior will help us help you.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 That is impossible for me to answer, because I don't the situation. "Controling" another person can be through many different ways, and unless he spesifically told you, or you already know, how you controlled him, I wont know how to help you.
I think though, that if you don't recognise any controling tendencies with yourself, consider that your ex might have said it only to hurt you, or maybe he was paranoid and felt controlled by anything and nothing.
You have to use your own self-insight to judge what you can do, and what your issues are within a relationship. Take a look at yourself from your own point of view.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Ok well have you had a past relationship were you have been cheated on or had your trust broken? Or have you really bad self asteem issues?
It sounds like he has tried but he cant cope with your controlling issues anymore, it is said that we dont realise we need help until we lose someone that is close to us and that has happened you here, you need some distance from him now so you can get better, start making yourself feel better, believe in yourself and do simple things that will make yourself feel better like getting your hair done or getting a new outfit believe in your self and forget about your past relationships and try and work out why you have trust issues has he ever made you question your trust for him? If he has then sit down with him and tell him why you feel like this.
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