A
female
age
30-35,
*olly_Poll
writes:HeyI'm 17 years old and live in England with my parents, brother and sister. I don't really get on with my family, my parents have said on numerous occasions that i'm a disappointment to them, and they favour the other two children over me. I have a wonderful boyfriend, who is 29. I know that is a huge age gap, but to us, age is just a number. We really do complete each other and love each other wholeheartedly.My family found out we were together and went ballistic, threatening him, and forcing us to split, and banned us from contacting each other. I did try to stay away, but he is my world, and within a fortnight we were back together, this time secretlyMy parents are suspicious, and have already threatened me, concerning being with him.I'm not good enough for my family, but with my partner, he says i'm his world. Someone I love, and feel safe with.When my family find out I will be made homeless, they've already threatened this. So I would move in with him, and things would be difficult for us, until we moved awayBut I don't feel loved at home, I feel no love for my family anymore. Is it worth staying with my partner to make myself happy at the risk of upsetting my family? They don't seem to care about me,so do I just let go and follow my heart, even though it will cause upset for people. My whole life I've been a doormat, I've finally found someone that loves me for who I am. So, should I go for my own happiness?Thankyou Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lolly_Poll +, writes (26 November 2012):
Lolly_Poll is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Guys,
Thank you for all you kind answers and help. I thought you might like an update on my situation. 9 months ago my parents started a particularly nasty and bitter row with me, whilst I was at work, in front of my colleagues and customers. I'd had enough of being insulted, and treated like scum, so I left.
I move in with my boyfriend, and we've since moved into a bigger home together. I'm almost at the end of my first term at university, and can honestly say life has never been better. I haven't spoken to my family since, they made it clear they didn't want to speak to me. But now I have my partner and his family, and feel more loved than I ever have done. Thank you to everyone who gave me your advice in such a difficult time. I hope everybody has a lovely Christmas :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): I can't agree that 12 years is a huge age gap. In fact I think it's a small age gap. I'm seeing someone who is 30 years younger than me! Now that is an age gap!
Follow your heart. Maybe you will make mistakes but you can learn from them. Do what you feel is right. I know how hard it is when you feel torn between family and the person you want to be with. It's hard and I sympathise.
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A
female
reader, Lolly_Poll +, writes (22 August 2011):
Lolly_Poll is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wouldn't want to cut ties with my family, but when they find out about my relationship they will disown me. I know this for a fact. My boyfriend lives in the same town as me, and my college, so it wouldn't be running away.I'm in my final year of sixth form, and have steps in place to go to university, of which my boyfriend fully supports me. I also have 2 jobs that i fit in around my commitments.I have a friend in a youth organisation that could help me into supported accommodation if that fell apart
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A
female
reader, Lolly_Poll +, writes (22 August 2011):
Lolly_Poll is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've got my final year of sixth form, and have steps in place to go to university afterwards. My boyfriend has supported me in deciding on university all the way. I have two jobs that I fit in around school. They have actually said that they favour the others. Fair enough i suppose, i know i'm nothing special.Thankyou for your kind words and advice :)
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (22 August 2011):
 From what you say, your parents are doing a great job driving you away. Of course you love your boyfriend, he gives you all the love you crave but never received from your family. I do think that you are a little young to cut off all ties with your family for this man. Ask yourself this, if you do leave your family to be with this man, what happens if it doesn't work? Do you have a plan B?
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A
female
reader, Mummy86 +, writes (22 August 2011):
 First of all your family do care about you, this guy is 12 yrs older than you why would he want to be in a relationship with a 17 yr old im wondering? surely somethings not right here, what if you did leave home to be with him there maybe things you dont know. Its not nice when siblings are treated differently but maybe they think you are only saying your in love with this guy to rebel does he live close to you why would you need to run away something doesnt sound right your legally olsd enough for sex but still alot of people would worry that this is just a fantasy or fling to him
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): Accidentally posted my answer. This is an add on. Even if they do favor one child above another, they do appear to care about you. But still, favoring one child over another is emotional abuse. That can scar a child for life. Its the ultimate insult. Regardless, if you do write that letter maybe they can realize what horrible things they have done. The worst part about abusive parents is that the child always keeps loving them, always wanting to forgive, always wanting to be loved. Best of luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): After the way your parents have treated you, hell yes. In a regular situation with two loving parents I would be all "stay with your parents" but i feel like your boyfriend really does love you. Just warning you, have a back up plan. Because if you do break up after you decided to move in, where will you go? And do you have a job or a way to go to college? Think about little details before you go. And if you do leave, write a letter to your family and tell them exactly how you feel. About them and everything. Your parents are horrible and need to see the error of their ways.However, I do believe they love you and find it impossible for them to favor one child above the other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): I met my boyfriend of nearly 5 years, then he was 27, when I was 17. It caused some issues with my family for a while but once I turned 18, there wasn't anything they could do either way. Its been nearly 5 years now and though it took my family some time (a few years, maybe year and a half,) to accept this, they eventually did. I am happy, doing great for myself in school since he has pushed me to go to college, and he treats me well. I guess what Im saying is that if he really means that much to you and you think he is actually a good choice for you (and by good I mean he treats you with respect), then your family will likely see this eventually. Follow your heart, as long as its safe!
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