A
female
age
30-35,
*ervousvirgin
writes:Dear Cupid,okay, so... I'm really glad i found this site because this crap is eating me alive.Here is the whole story..short.I am 17 years old.I'm not that pretty and I'm big. Not massively huge but big. My appearance really makes me insecure so its hard with the sex life.I've met quite a lot of guys and they ended up being jerks so we didn't even have sex or show any affection.so that means that ive never even been kissed.. :/ its embarrassing but true.im a complete virgin other than i masturbate like crazy..But now I really want to have sex and this guy i know wants to have sex with me but I'm really nervous and i feel like I'm not even good enough.. He isn't that good looking either.. but i dont go for looks. I go for personality.So.. i know i won't care how he looks but.. FAT isn't attractive, so i care what he thinks.i mean.. its my first time and he has had sex with 3 diff women. I just don't know what to do.I've been trying to come up with ways to boost my confidence so i will do it. because i really want to.please help me out.thanks :)Love, The Nervous Virgin 3
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): i'm 18, a virgin, and also haven't been kissed. i'm average and not in a hurry to lose my virginity. you have to think about how you'll feel later. sure he wants to be intimate with you, but does he really, genuinely have feelings for you? i'm not saying you have no/low self-esteem, but if you're that worried about it, trying to hurry and get rid of your virginity isn't the best thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): Well, my grandma always told me that when my self esteem is low to get some sexy underware. it actually works! I know how it feels to feel like you aren't good enough. although my situation is quite a bit different, its the same. Just look at it like this. Would you rather share all those expierences with someone who truly cares about you, or someone who is using you? Its hard to look at it that way, but take it from someone who has been used, over and over again. I have been in a relationship with a guy for about a year and a half now, and i wish i could have saved all those things for him. so please don't do anything with anyone unless it feels right. I'm only 17 and i've already made the mistake of loosing it all. in the end i only got hurt, and then regreted it because i didnt get to share it with someone i truly care about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): It's not my business who you sleep with in your life or how many partners you rack up - we all make different choices in life. But I think it's best you have a good long hard think about this before you decide what to do. You've got to ask yourself if you think you'll regret this at a later date, and if you think you will then I say you shouldn't do it.As for your age, you are still very very young to be feeling too old to be a virgin. I bet a lot of people you know have told you they lost it at fifteen. Well, lots of people do, but also lots of people your age lie. In five-ten years you'll find that a lot of your classmates/friends probably didn't actually lose their virginity till later, or even a long time later.I didn't get my first kiss till I was 19, so you're in good company. I'm actually in no way ugly, I was just so shy and nervous that I never let anyone close enough to kiss me. I lost my virginity something like four months after my first kiss. I know some girls that are 23 and still virgins. I know girls that lost their virginity when they were 13.It doesn't matter when you do it. What matters is that you're ready for it, and that you don't live to regret it, have a horrible experience or are psychologically damaged because of it. So you've got to ask yourself now, do you really want this? Are you ready for this? Or are you just tired of being sexually inexperienced?
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A
male
reader, Barrybaggs  +, writes (13 June 2011):
I see one key problem here. You are too busy trying to lose your V tag, you're running your self respect, and confidence into the ground.
Go back to page 1 of this whole scenario. You don't even seem to be communicating with this guy. You don't seem to be friends first. Are you sharing your hopes and fears with him? But yet you're willing to let him do something very intimate with you?
I think you need to reassess who you're allowing into your world, and what role they're playing. Talk to him, and judge if he's really work going to bed with? You don't even seem to be attracted to him. You have admitted personality is what attracts you, but some level of physical attraction needs to exist before sex. When the time comes, if you aren't attracted to him, how are you going to cope when you're body and heart are telling you 'No, I don't want this!' ?
You need to work on loving yourself, valuing what you have to offer and finding people like you who value friendship, personality over looks and looking for meaningless sex.
Continue exploring alone, whilst looking for like-minded people who will bring you joy and bring out the best in you. Don't throw it all away on someone you don't like, purely for superficial reasons.
Good luck!
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