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female
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anonymous
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year. He is 20 and I am 16. It's a great relationship and I really love him. He was a family friend before and the feelings grew for us over ages - we never acted on them because the age difference wasnt appropriate until I was almost 16. I have always been very maternal and in the last year I have wanted a baby. A little while ago I fell pregnant and he was happy (I was ecstatic) but it wasn't meant to be. Since then I have wanted another baby... I really really want one and I know I would be a great mother, even now. He'd be a great father too. I think these feelings emerged when I got paralysed (I'm OK now) becasue of an illness. I almost died and it made me very aware of everyone's mortality. It made me mature to almost an adult at 13 (something which I wish hadn't happened but it did) and these feelings stuck. Hope you have ideas (I could support the baby financially and my boyfriend and I are moving in together when I'm 17) thanks, Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): i'm 16 and i really want to have a baby, but my boyfriend doesn't want to have kids right now. i don't blame him because he's in his first year of college and he's 19 but
i feel like i'm ready to have a baby with him. we've been together for 2 and a half years. i got pregnant when i was 14 but i miscarried.
i just wanted to know if it was bad to want to have a baby right now..and i'm not sure what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): im all most 17 and i been with my boyfrend for all most 2 yers we are all show wonting a baby but wen we do have one it will be in 07 when my house is oll most bilt and are making monney be for you have ababy make sher you have a home of your own and can get whot your baby needs with out the halp of sume one alls make sher you have a car and have it all pland out and that you are rady to have no free time no more seeping in geting up at all times of the night lots of crying wonts its happen you cant chang it its not like playing baby dolls its alot of work bouth you and him talk with him and be sher he is going to do his shaere
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2006): i to am going out with a boy who i know is the one im 17 and hes nearly 18 we have decided 2 start trying for a baby, and i was wondering if anyone has any advice to help me concieve,thank u good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2006): im 17 and i love my boyfriend very much we have been together over 2 years and we live together. we have been living together for nearly a year and i have so much love to give him! i really would love a baby to share our love with and he agrees although we are ment to be going on holiday at the end of the summer and i have to fly. Neither of the familys would agree but this is what i think of night and day and i have thought long and hard. if its what you want go for it dont hold back there may not be tomorrow
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reader, annalee +, writes (9 February 2006):
hiya im very sorry you got parilised i was parilised when i was 8 years old its not a nice thing but with you trying for a baby and only being 16 i dont think its a bad thing im doing exactly what your thinking off i wanted your advice as im 17 and my boyfriend christopher is 25 we were friends since i was 14 but we knew we coudnt get togetheir because of the age gap but now were togetheir we both want to try for a baby we now have a place 2togetheir a two bedroom house and planning for a baby please can u give me your advice
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (31 January 2006):
 Just a few thoughts for you to consider:
What's the rush? You can have a baby at 16, 17, 29 or 37. With help of fertility experts, some women are having their first babies into their 40s. Why do you have to do it right now? Is it just because *you're* ready? I don't know if that's a good enough reason to create a whole new human being.
As Irish said, think long and hard about what your motivation for having a child is. Is it for you? So many very young women your age crave a baby, telling themselves that "it's something to love, that will always love me". Well, maybe. At least until the child gets to be about 13! But it's not all games of cootchie-coo and Baby taking his first steps. There's a lot of colic, nappy rash and teething, as well as the dangerous toddler years in there, too!
Take a long break from your yearning --it'll still be there in a few years-- and do a bit of self-analysis. What happens if you do have a baby? What happens if you don't? What back-up plan have you got to support yourself and the child if your relationship goes awry? Where do you see yourself in five years' time? In ten years? Will you be trying to work, raise a baby and get an education, all at once?
Ask yourself some really searching questions before you rush into getting pregnant.
Finally, give some consideration to the fact that many relationships from the teen years don't survive the transition to adulthood. That's only because people grow and change, and never so much as between 16 and 25. You won't even recognise yourself in ten years' time, I can promise you that, and things that are crucially important to you now mightn't even make a ripple in your life then. What if your boyfriend is one of the things you "grow out of"?
I speak from the heart because that's what happened to me. At 17 was married to the man I'd loved for a whole year. By the time I was 23, I couldn't stand to be in the same city with him. (True.)
Of course I'm not saying that's your destiny, but check with your parents and your older friends: the relationships that seem perfect at 16 turn out in many cases to be a "rough draft" for the rest of your life, simply because you lack the experience to discriminate between what seems good and what actually IS good.
There really isn't any need to hurry up with this choice. If you choose to move in together when you turn 17, that's great. Just make sure that your relationship is strong enough to stand on its own (a year, minimum) before you add the strain of a young child to the mix.
For the record, I regard age 20 as a really rock-bottom age to start having kids. You need to make sure you've finished your own growth, and that you have the education and finance to give your child all the best in that you can, and any younger than that is an unnecessary strain on you.
Be thoughtful! Think of your child's needs first.
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reader, wishes +, writes (31 January 2006):
 Hi hun, I understand where you are coming from. I had to go through a lot growing up which means that I have matured quicker than a lot of my friends. At 16/17 I to was "dying" to have a baby. I thought I was ready, I thought the relationship I was in was the one, and I didnt know why I should wait. Thankfully, my boyfriend at the time wasnt ready to be a dad yet. He loved me so much and we had a good relationship. We thought we would get married then start a family together. But the more into the relationship we got (we were together 4 years) the more I realised that I didnt want him. I wanted to be married and have a baby, but not necessarily with him- he just "fit" well into my plans. I am married and pregnant now, with a husband that I love more than anything, and I am so so glad that I waited. Sometimes we get stuck around the idea of getting what we want that in the meantime, while trying, we dont actually get it. Speak to young mothers. Find out what its like for them. Speak to single mothers. I know you believe that your boyfriend is the one but what if hes not? And, if he is, dont you want to enjoy the nice couple time you have before the baby comes? After having a baby your lives will revolve around the baby and you really wont have much time for yourselves. Best wishes. Let us know what you think of all of our advice. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): Dear, it really sounds like your mind is made up already. Not sure what you mean by "hope you have ideas" so I am assuming, you are questioning if this is a good idea? I do have some thoughts to share and for you to think over.
No, I don't think this is a good idea at 16, to have a child. I really do think, you want a baby to fulfill your own emotional needs. Babies are fun, cute and wonderful, but babies are the ones that have the unrelenting, huge emotional 'needs'that must be accomodated, night and day-to flourish, to be healthy and grow up happily. So one has to stop thinking about what 'she needs' and think of this what this baby will need. When a Mother puts her baby's needs over and above her own and anyone else's needs, in this world...this is the true mark of a mature, solid Mother. You need to realize the profound responsibility that entails the act of giving birth. From that moment, your whole future and life changes and the responsibilities that come with raising a new person, are monumentous. So how do many young mothers do it? Well, it is hard work, a lot of sleepless nights, constant round of diaper changes, and it requires lots of work and giving up a lot of hopes, dreams, plans and education. Young children can never be left alone, and their health and safety must be constantly monitored. This is a full-time, round-the-clock obligation. This no walk in the park, dear. Your whole life will revolve around this child 24/7. You will be fully obligated to exchange the fun and freedom to do whatever you want now, to doing for what is best for your new infant. Everything will revolve around the proper care of this new baby. There will be joy but there will be a lot of hardship, emotionally and financially.
All, I am saying is if you feel you are mature enough to get pregnant and have a child, make darn sure you are old enough to shoulder the responsibilities. With a new baby, your further education could be put on the back-burner, indefinitely. This is why many young people will postpone all emotional/sexual entanglements, usually have a better footing in their professions. They wait until they are done their education, they get established, they learn, they gain more life wisdom, maturity, insightfulness and ...then they settle down and have a family.
I also strongly believe, before any young woman makes a baby, she needs a committed, loving husband, not a boyfriend. Your baby needs two parents married and totally committed to each other. If I were you, I'd wait, get your education and career underway and marry this good, caring bf of yours, who will support you while you stay home and care for your baby. Do not expect any less. But in order to do that, he needs to get his life in order and have a career. Because raising children is not cheap. I hope at 20 years old, he's well on his way, in that direction.
So, please wait... and have that wonderful baby with your bf when the two of you are old enough and willing to stand together and proclaim in a marriage ceremony that you are partners for life. Any other option is third-rate and not good enough for any baby. Please think this through-don't allow your emotions to overrule your better judgment. I recommend you listen to the counsel and wisdoms of people who care for you like your mother, aunt, older sister, or an adult good friend. Sit with them and really have a heart to heart about this. Research what is involved in raising a child. Good luck, dear and give this time..live life and enjoy the freedom of youth.
Hugs, Irish
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reader, willywombat  +, writes (30 January 2006):
 I can only remember how *young* I was at 16 and how not ready I was to ahve a child. But if you feel ready then I cannot dispute that as we all mature at different chronological ages. My opinion and what I would tell you if I was your mother (and I am old enough to be, even tho I didn't have my child til I was 29!) is that I would ask you to leave it a bit longer until your body is more physically mature and you have more life experience behind you. That is not to say you couldn't cope at all. Just cos I was an immature 16 year old doesn't mean every 16 y.o is the same.
Whatever you decide I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
Good luck x
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reader, beenthere +, writes (30 January 2006):
16 is very young to have a baby no matter how mature you are. you don't want to regret it in later life because of the limits and restrictions having a child can bring with it. certainly don't try before you move in with your bf. you need to know that situation can work on it's own and settle into being a couple before you allow anyone else to come along. i am 25. i have 2 children. my oldest is 6, i split with his dad after 4 years, when our son was only 2. he was born 3 months before we moved in together. i am now with another man who, although i love very much, i am having problems with. we also had a child together around 3 months before we lived together. our baby is now 7 months old and for all that time, and more, i have felt i might as well be on my own again. you see, my point is that, even if your bf wants a baby too, you need to know your relationship will work on it's own and set some rules BEFORE you make that kind of commitment. i feel like i missed out on a lot having a baby at 19. i'm not saying you shouldn't if it's what you really want. just that you need to be absolutely positive that it's what you both want and you both know how each other feels eg. will you you be happy looking after the baby yourself? how much of a contribution, financial, physical and emotional, will you expect from him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2006): well im sorry about you nearly died and geting paralysed but when your sixteen you feel all these emotions yeh i know your probably saying but im serious well if you think you should have a baby then you should speak to your mother or a friend that you can trust about this.
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