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30-35,
*hettoPrincess
writes:right well im 15 .. and ive been going out with this lad who is 26 ... but ive been with him for nearly a year .. and where so happy .. he treats me like a princess and buys me what i want and loves me loads ... and evryone says im a very mature 15 year old aswell...but there's one thing im unsure about .. is the age .. is it bad that there is a big age difference? i need help quick !! x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (25 October 2009):
 OK I may be slated by others for bringing up the whole conversation about paedophiles but if I don't who will it seems. Everyone else is saying 'oh it's OK, enjoy life and everything is fine and as you are not having sex, everything is OK'. Well I can only say that at 15 you are NOT in control and when someone who is a lot older than you can turn your head and make you think that he is prince charming then someone needs to say something. I wouldn't be much of a responsible adult if I ignored it all and said, OK sweetheart, you do what you feel is right and don't worry about the consequences. I am saying be wary and the fact that you are from an Asian background where it is hard for you to even have a boyfriend means that the whole secrecy thing is only playing into this man's hands. You came to this site to ask a question and you ended with'but there's one thing im unsure about .. is the age .. is it bad that there is a big age difference? i need help quick' !! xIf you weren't worried in any way then you wouldn't have asked the question in the first place. Live your life without having so many restrictions and putting yourself in the way of potential harm that is all I am saying. I'm afraid we have to be 110% certain of things these days and if you are already hiding facts about this man then alarm bells are ringing for me. Love can conqueror anything but if you are having to hide this relationship then questions begin to arise. Good luck.BFNCountry Womanx
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): Hello!When i was 15 i started dating a 25 year old, my oh my was it the biggest mistake of my life. This man totally took advantage of me (not sexually) but mentally. When i was fifteen i thought i was mature and everyone also said i was for my age i did also look a whole lot older than i was. Eventhough at 15 i had gone through many challenges most adults haven't been through i was still not mature enough!!!.Now being 21 and looking back on that 2 years of my life makes me upset. I missed out on being a kid, like i said i was mature but i grew up wayy to fast 15,16,17 is all about enjoying your teenage years with friends , boyfriends around your age are funner and can relate to you better. Date older men when your an adult 18!. Does this man know how old you are exactly?. It's your choice in life and a part of growing up is making right decisions for yourself try to look into the future a bit.
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reader, ticki +, writes (23 October 2009):
 You say that you guys are happy together. well, thats good!you guys might not have any problem stayin together. However, arnt you still at school? and where is he?? if you want to go to univeristy will he wait for u??just keep this in mind:if you are happy together and you can work out any problems because of your age difference, thats good, but if you can't work out any problems or stuff like that, then thats not good.to be honest, if i were in your place and he said to me your too young or this wont work out, then i wouldn't be that surprised.
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reader, GhettoPrincess +, writes (23 October 2009):
GhettoPrincess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe do have an open relationship .. we go town together and all sorts .. but i cant tell my mum and dad .. because im asian and we are not ment have boyfriends and what not..but if they seen us in the street than i couldnt really do anything about it ... i dont think its going out of control . i just wanted someone to speak to about it....
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): not all 15yr olds are silly. and a pedophile is someone who only targets kids. not a vast range of ages. besides age is nothing its care etc what counts.
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reader, Country Woman +, writes (23 October 2009):
OK you have had numerous responses to your question and at the end of the day I can only comment from my own opinion on this. I was extremely mature at the age of 10, but in all honesty yes girls do mature faster than boys and an older man can act immaturely but we are talking about a man who is over the age of 21 and considered an ADULT.You on the other hand have known him since you were 14 and in the eyes of the law in most countries this man has basically been grooming you. That is the term given to an adult who is able to have a certain level of control over a minor, i.e. you. You do not see it or recognise it as it can be very well disguised by the person doing the grooming in the first place. I would consider the fact that you have not been sexual with this man as a blessing in disguise. It is illegal under the age of 16 in the UK. You say he treats you like a princess and buys you presents and spoils you rotten. That is all part of the process sweetheart. Believe me I know from the fact that one of my own nieces had the very same situation but her situation was worse and it was sexual and the man concerned was older than your man. It was over a period of time and he basically took her virginity, she was flattered by him and he treated her like a princess to. I also know someone else who visited my home when my daughter was a baby and to the outside world he appeared very gay but in reality he had been grooming a girl about the same age as you, it started when she was 14 and the sex came along when she was about 15 and he was around 26. Her parents found out in the second case and they questioned him and he is now serving a prison sentence. The girl was oblivious to the facts as he had convinced her he loved her and what they were doing was not wrong in any way, they were IN LOVE. My nieces situation ended up being reported to the police for prosecution but the man concerned knew it was wrong and he even lived down the road from a girl's high school all about the same age as you and he finally committed suicide rather than face the courts. These men are not genuinely interested in a mature adult relationship, if they were they would go for women of their own age, when they are involved with a minor they are controlling the situation without that person's knowledge, it is very heavily disguised and dressed up in such a way to make them believe that it is LOVE. They are paedophiles at the end of the day sweetheart and they pray on the innocents like yourself. Don't be a victim. If this man is genuine he would wait until you are an adult of say 18 and he would also not hide your relationship. He would be upfront and approach your parents and be very open and honest about his feelings for you. Are your parents even aware that you are seeing this man? You have asked the question of the age situation and you have asked for help quick, so I am sensing there is a certain level of urgency from your question, do you feel like this is becoming out of control now? I think your maturity in your own mind has lead you to come to this site in the first place but I would say right now things have not gone beyond your control so be honest and upfront and let your parents know what is going on. If there is nothing wrong in it, then this man will not blame you for wanting things out in the open. If however, on the other hand he tells you to keep things quiet then you know for sure that he knows what he is doing is wrong and he just doesn't want to explain himself to anyone because at the end of the day this could lead to him being prosecuted or having to explain why he is dating a minor. I would say though that just because it isn't sexual right now, doesn't mean that you can sit on your laurels and think that everything is hunky dory. Your instincts are spot on and you need to be brave and mature and be open and honest, the more things are hidden behind closed doors the more susceptible you are to having your life controlled for you. Don't think for one second that you are in control and he will do whatever you want him to do, he is much stronger and mature than you and there are women who are a lot stronger and older than you who cannot control situations which become out of control when they least expect it. Keep us posted OK, I am not trying to be a scare monger but instead I am just being honest and open with you and I hope that you take on board everything I have said as I am a mum and have seen this happen to someone close to me and also someone I totally misjudged so I have had my eyes opened very wide to how things can change in a second. We are all here for you so the one thing I would say is keep on talking and don't bottle things up, if you have any doubts or fears then don't leave them talk them through with someone other than this man, another adult/teacher or friend of your parents if you feel you cannot talk to your family. BFNCountry Womanx
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reader, Anonny +, writes (22 October 2009):
Then if its nothing sexual - you have nothing to worry about! - Good luck!
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reader, GhettoPrincess +, writes (22 October 2009):
GhettoPrincess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe are not doing anything sexual though .. he sed he will wait till im ready .. hes just perfect for me .. plus im not a girl who wud take any abuse from him .. he dont control me ... what i say goes to be honest .. he wudnt do anything to hurt me ...
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reader, Anonny +, writes (21 October 2009):
Hi! - I would be VERY careful here! - I know a guy who was 29 and dating a 15 year old girl. They had sex and he ended up going to jail for it because her parents prosecuted!!
In reality - men who are well in their 20's and are dating young teenage girls - are no better than some paedeophiles! - So just be careful - if you truly love each other - hold on until you are of a legal age before doing anything sexual - and your boyfriend should know this!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): Yeah especially if you have been going out for a year, which makes you like only fourteen when you started! and him twenty five......that is a bit too far
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reader, MickyDredd +, writes (21 October 2009):
It probably is bad. He is older than you. And men will often exploit girls your age just to "have their way".
If he really loves you, sure, it might be all right. But I would advise you to enrole in an English Language class, as your command of grammar is terrible!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): Can you find me a 15yo girl who does not think she's mature for her age?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): Yes it is bad. Thats why your asking here instead of asking mom n dad. We cant ground you.
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reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (21 October 2009):
 Typo
This ISN'T what proper relationships are based on. You saying "I want" and him getting it for you. Have you considered he may be buying your attention? He probably thinks its very flattering!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): In my opinion love is love.. no matter the age, sex or creed.. But you have to look at it in a lawful way.
If he really loves you though.. he'll wait 3 years to be with you. And maybe by then you can realize what it is you really want!
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reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (21 October 2009):
Gerta has given some good advice.
I think that at 15, the 11 year age gap is far too big. This is an ADULT man here. You are still a child, and whether you like it or not, this is the truth. You may be mature for your age, but believe me we all say that, and at 15, we all think we know it all. But it 10 years time, you will realise you didnt.
I am 26, the same age as your boyfriend. I know that I would NEVER consider dating a 15 year old, purely because I am in a completely different place in my life. A 26 year old man would also never usually date an underage girl for the same reason, without prior motivations. To be perfectly honest it is unhealthy.
May I ask what it is you actually do with him? Do you go on dates? Is this a sexual relationship - because that also throws up a LOT of issues, because he is essentially raping you and commiting a criminal offence. You are not 18, so you cant drink, you cant go to clubs, bars etc, 18 films at the cinema? What do you actually do with him? Do you go out with his friends?
Most 26 year old men, want a woman, who they can have an adult relationship with. They are getting into jobs, careers, getting mortgages and thinking about long term relationships. They have had experiences, probably been to university, and seen far more of life. They expect MORE than a 15 year old can give them.
You say he treats you like a princess and buys you lots of stuff? Is that why you like him? Because he buys you presents? This is what proper relationships are based on. You saying "I want" and him getting it for you. Have you considered he may be buying your attention? He probably thinks its very flattering!
The teenage years are a time of growth and development, where you learn about yourself as an individual. You change so much between 15 and 20, that you would not recognise yourself. You will grow up, and grow out of him.
Even when you are 20, this guy will be 31. That is still a massive age difference. You are almost in completely different generations. You life priorities are completely different. You will want to go out clubbing, whereas he will want to settle down. He has done with being child, and a teenager. Let him be an adult and you get on with growing up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): well personally i think it sounds bad because your 15 and he's 26, so that's what 11 years of age difference. I know alot of mature girls at 15 or immature 26 year old's so i'm sure it doesn't look bad but it sure sounds bad. My parents were 10 years apart and there marriage didn't last long because of the age difference. She wanted to party and he didn't because he was alot older than her, but idk it all depends on the two of you. But if the two of you love each other then you shouldn't worry what anyone thinks. Good Luck =]
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reader, isitworthit16  +, writes (21 October 2009):
Wow I have like the same problem except I'm 16 and his 28 and he is just perfect. But the age thing is always there and it is always going to be there no matter what. However what I have come to realize is that if you truely do love one another it shouldn't be such a big factor. And as the relationship grows and matures so will you and once you're about 20 I doubt that his age will even matter. Hope it helped:)
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reader, brunettebarbie +, writes (21 October 2009):
 I've had a few brief relationships with older men who have been about 10 years or so older. Personally they didn't work out for me because all they wanted was sex. This is not always the case. But when you think of a guy in his 20's hanging around with a 15 year old girl sex does come to mind.
Question yourself and think how would your friends and family react if they know your going out with a man who is 26? (thats if they don't know already)
If your unsure about the age. Have a good think why... Take care.
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reader, Lexie88  +, writes (21 October 2009):
 Age difference is not a big deal later on in life but at your age it could be a problem. He's a man and you're a girl. I don't know if you're sexually active with him but if you are he could be committing a crime depending on the age of consent in your country. If you're not sexually active with him and he's been with you for a year and isn't pushing you to have sex it makes me wonder if he's getting it somewhere else (I hope you don't take this the wrong way, it's just a thought). Even though you may be a mature 15 year old you just don't have the life experience that he has and his expectations in life are probably completely different than yours. Do you hang around his older friends? I think you'd be better off with someone your age but I know that you can't help who you fall for.
Having said all that, if he treats you well, if he doesn't push you to do anything you don't want to do and if you genuinely enjoy his company, keep seeing him. Look after yourself and value yourself first and everything else should fall into place. x
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