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I'm 13 and I'm in love with a 19 year old...what should I do?

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 December 2007) 9 Answers - (Newest, 25 July 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, *kater_Gurl108 writes:

ok i'm 13 and i'm in love with this 19 year old guy and he really loves me for me. but he is scared to ask me out because of the age different. but he wants no sex or anything. he doesn't even mind people seeing us together. should we go out or not? what should i do?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (25 July 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntHoney, if something feels wrong about the situation, then tell him that you can't see him. My mother gave me one of the greatest gifts when I was your age. She told me I could blame all kinds of things on her when I didn't want to do something. I could just tell boys that my mom was so mean and so strict that I couldn't do what they were asking.

It worked too if I was invited to a party that I knew would be trouble, or if someone asked me if I wanted to 'party'... which usually meant drugs and sexual stuff.

It's not the best way to be popular, but I have to say it saves a lot of worry and heartache.

He really is kind of old for you. Usually, a 19 year old would like a girl who is a bit closer to his age. I'd worry about that if I were you, actually.

If he really likes you, he can wait until you're 16.

If he's bothering you too much, tell your parents or an older relative, one you can trust.

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A female reader, Skater_Gurl108 United States +, writes (25 July 2008):

Skater_Gurl108 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Skater_Gurl108 agony auntyall don't get it we love each other but something feels wrong. can someone who is my age that can relate to my situation PLEASE answer this! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A female reader, x-Happy-Feet-x United Kingdom +, writes (29 December 2007):

x-Happy-Feet-x agony auntwell i think its ok if hes not intrested with having sex with you i think its ok if you love him then stay with him but if he starts getting more serious already then tell someone and move on because it does come to mind that he could be a pheodaphile but its just a sterotype age doesnt matter at all

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007):

I know how you feel and can really relate as I'm the same age as you and have fancied older guys. I think you should both sit down and really think hard. Make a list of the good points and bad points of your relationship. Im sorry but there will come a time when he will probably want more and will not be able to get it. This could lead him to stray from you which means you get your heart broken. Could you really handle the looks you may get in public? Think long and hard but in the end do what you think is truly right and live life to the full. Luckxo

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A female reader, Skater_Gurl108 United States +, writes (28 December 2007):

Skater_Gurl108 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Skater_Gurl108 agony auntthanks so much for the advice!

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A female reader, mama2three United States +, writes (28 December 2007):

mama2three agony auntDitto to Kenny!!! The fact that a 19 year old is interested in a 13 year old is *very* strange and puts red flags up all over my brain.

Not to mention, if things ever did get physical with you and him, your parents could file statutory rape charges against him and he'd be going to jail for a LOOOOOONG time! Even if you waited a few years, depending on the state you live in, he could still get in BIG trouble.

Normally I agree that age is a state of mind, but in this case, things just don't seem normal.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (28 December 2007):

kenny agony auntNormally i would normally say that 6 years is nothing, that age is only a number, that its how a couple feel for one another, and not about the age. However, as you are only 13 the age gap of 6 years then becomes huge. I have to wonder what a 19 year old man would want with a 13 year old girl to be perfectly honest. Truth be told at this young stage in your life i really do think he is to old for you. If we leap forward a couple of years like say to when you are 19, and you are working, you drive a nice car, you have adult friends, you go to pubs & clubs ect, would you let you friends see you dating a 13 year old?. I think you should sit this one out and for now date lads of your own age group. As you mature and grow into a fine young lady this age gap of 6 years won't look so bad atal.

All the best for 2008 x

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (28 December 2007):

hello1 agony auntNO, you're 13! he is a possible pedophile. Keep away from him

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A female reader, LouLee United Kingdom +, writes (28 December 2007):

LouLee agony auntI dont think you should go out with him, when i was 13 i was in love with a 17 year old and i thought we were gonna last forever then my dad found out and told me a few home truths. Most boys at the age of 19 would not go out with a 13 year old...would you? I'm really sorry but if you found someone your own age you'd have so much more fun. best wishes hun

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