A
female
age
26-29,
*upcakessmiles
writes:So im 13 going to be 14 and there is this guy that i like but hes 20 and he knows that i like him and he says im not supposed to but i seriously like him i can't stop thinking about him. He always listens to my problems and try's to protect me. He knows its illegal until a certain age and so do i but we're both worried what would happen we could both lose our live's, but he is always there to hug me or tell me what to do when something bad happens. i can't tell what these feelings for him are, and i really want him to like me as i do for him, is this ok? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cupcakessmiles +, writes (27 September 2011):
cupcakessmiles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry, i should have made that more clear. What i mean was like angeldlite said this is what would happen to him "sex offenders register, prison term locked up with paedophiles and rapists, unemployable when he gets out, ostracised by his community when they find out what he was in jail for" thats what i mean he would lose his life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Why do you keep mentioning dying?
*quote from first post*
He knows its illegal until a certain age and so do i but we're both worried what would happen we could both lose our live's.
*quote from last post*
I'm just trying to make sure we both will still have our lives.
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A
female
reader, cupcakessmiles +, writes (26 September 2011):
cupcakessmiles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm trying not to and I'm hanging with my friends to not think about him, plus I'm staying really busy. i've been trying to make it a just friend relationship like him wait a few years then see if i still like him. i really don't know if that is the right thing to do. I'm just trying to make sure we both will still have our lives.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 so he is in a teacher role. if he gets further involved with you by dating you, he can say goodbye to the chance of any job like this in the future coz he will never be allowed to work with kids again. it sounds though like you are the one who is interested and he is trying to let you down gently. when you are 18 he will be 27 and if you still want to be with him then that is fine, no one will be bothered. if you have feelings for him stop trying to entice him because if he gives in to temptation with you his life could be SERIOUSLY ruined. (sex offenders register, prison term locked up with paedophiles and rapists, unemployable when he gets out, ostracised by his community when they find out what he was in jail for) leave him be so he can date WOMEN, not children, because no offence and you may feel and even look grown up, but in the eyes of the law you are still a child and that law is there to PROTECT you until you are old enough to make sensible choices, not spoil your fun
x
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Hey, well i know things are hard when you are young, as there is defointly that big legal age limit it makes things so much more complicated. Even though he may well seem lovely and nice, you do however need to keep your eyes open as people can hide behind something there not. I am aware as i am 14 and i have been friends with people in my past who have been in love with 20 or even 30 year old men at my age. Well first of all, you need to be careful as i am sure you have been told so many times before, he could do anything to you and if the worst was to happen then as sad it sounds you would be defenceless. Secondly he may well seem nice and listens to your problems but if he ever makes any sexual remarks or comes on to you despite your feelings you must get out and stop all contact as like alot of people have said, he would only be intrested in one thing. I know you may well trust him, but i do suggest you don't meet up with him on your own or go to his flat or anywhere like that with him, if you have an older friend maybe then maybe it would be best to hang around with them if you meet up with him. Personally, i know its hard, but i do suggest that you wait untill you are alot older and can be sure of who you love and want to be with i am not telling you this because i think you are incable of making you own decisions but you simpley do not know who could walk into you life, not to mention your only young once, so be wise with your decisions. I know it is frowned upon a young girl being friends with a 20 year old but who knows he could just be a nice guy who wants to help out, however it is very unlikey you find a man of that age who just wants to "Help Out" and from seeing it with my own eyes, storys like this one do not usually end well i would be very very careful.
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reader, Basschick  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Well that's just creepy. He sees you as his little sister and of course he wants to protect you and help you learn from your mistakes. But that's all there is in this relationship. Your crush and his need to take care of a little sister. 20 year old men do not develop feelings for 13 year old girls unless they're seriously perverted. And trust me that's not the kind of attention you want to have from anyone. It's time to break this tie and find kids your own age to pal around with.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 September 2011):
You may not think he is manipulating you, but honestly he should know better at his age. Specially if he works as a trainer/mentor/teacher.
And your mom is absolutely right. If there are still feelings in 2-3 years, maybe.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Your mom sounds like she has a good idea. Patience will show if he's the guy for you. Wait a few years and all will be clear.
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female
reader, cupcakessmiles +, writes (26 September 2011):
cupcakessmiles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe meet at a Self Defense Gym and we were both students then his stepdad gave him the role of being the teacher. And no he isn't manipulating me he is very nice and knows all the laws and know what to do and not to do so do i, if i sound pushy im not meaning to. i told my mom and she wants me to wait and see if you like him in a couple years.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (26 September 2011):
How do you know this guy? I don't think your parents would be to keen about you hanging out with a 20-year old guy. It is illegal and he is a man and you are still just a young girl.
To answer your question, no, it's not okay. You like him now, but you're still so young and have so much ahead of you that he will really be holding you back. Do you really want to be bringing a 20-year old to your homecoming or other dances (he probably wouldn't even be allowed)? Do you want to sneak around behind your parents' backs (because I doubt they will be okay with this)? He gets to stay out until whenever he wants and you have to be back home by curfew.
Besides him being too old for you in general, once he reaches 21 and can hit the bars...where do you fit in? Do you really think that he'll stay faithful and even want to tell his friends that he wants to stay home to hang out with his 14-year old girlfriend?
Hopefully he does actually know better and he's there for you as an older brother. He could just be a nice guy and knows how it's like when you're in your early teen years and the things that seem trivial to you now are nothing in comparison to what you have to deal with in adulthood.
However, I don't think it's wise to put out your feelings. You may have a crush on him, but if you look at the big picture, he's not right for you, not to mention he could go to jail or end up in some serious trouble if he does anything with you...such as end up being labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life. Put your feelings/emotions aside and don't attempt any sort of relationship with him.
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reader, angelDlite +, writes (26 September 2011):
a DECENT 20 year old man would not be interested romantically in a girl of your age. if he IS interested romantically in you it means he is a PAEDOPHILE - there is no other word for him, so if this is the case you really need to keep away from him
x
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 September 2011):
It sounds like a crush. It also sounds like he is manipulating you a little bit there, or just "grooming" you.
I don't think it's healthy at all for a 20 year old (considered an adult) to hang around a 13 year old child. I know most 13 year olds don't like to be called children, but physically, mentally and emotionally a 13 year old is a child.
What does your parents say to this?
And honestly you shouldn't worry about death, you should worry about living.
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reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 You are only getting in to your teenage years, where as he is a bit past adult hood. You are both at completely different stages in your life and I don't think it would be healthy to date this guy. People would talk about it and judge you both, Even though you should be free to do what you like, and date who you want, a guy this age will probably want to have a physical relationship and that would be just completely wrong. Try talking to your parents or to a trusted adult before you make a choice.
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