A
female
age
36-40,
*razylady
writes:so i(23) been married to my husband(31) for 7 months now, when we went to a club and partied with friends, my husband (drunk) jokingly said "did you find someone to have a threesome with yet?" im like "haha no" ( im drunk ).. as he said that, i totally was upset inside becuase even if we were drunk, we're not the kind of people to do that, we're very religious, and believe sex is only for 2 people who love each other, etc. and just because you're drunk it doesn't mean you don't know what you're doing. i think that's a dumb excuse for people to use, just to get out of trouble.anyways, recently we were with friends, and we were just in the car simply talking about life and how we should do what we want, to make us happy, cuz life is too short. so then my husband jokingly says "if i was able to do what i wanted, i'd have threesomes every day", we all were like "umm, ok thats interesting", not what we expected to hear! i was expecting like vacation more or something. so obviously it reminded me of that club night and i got very upset and embarrassed. its like uh why do you even what to have threesomes, we just got married and have sex like 2 times a week hardly! plus were with people and he totally looked bad, the conversation stoped after that.before we dated and got married he wasn't religious and was the guy who had tons of girls, and he had a threesome before but just once! but he stopped that player lifestyle a few years before i met him anyways.so tell me, does he realy want threesomes? is he stating that im a bore in bed, or just horrible? or am i missing somthing?
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drunk, player, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): Tell him that you'll go ahead with a threesome if he agrees to the MFM format(you and two guys)and observe how he'll get cold feet about the fantasy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): thanx for the feed back... im sure he would want a 3sum considering he is a male, and i get if he has fantacys about it, it just made me feel realy insecure considering the 2nd time he said it with our friends, 1 reason is because its a bad look infront of them and 2 when he stated he would have them everyday, seemed more like i wasint included in the picture. i guess it was the way he said it. i will deff have a talk with him and see where his mind is at, cuz theres no way id have a 3sum.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Yes I think he really wants a threesome. Why do you think it keeps popping up in conversations? He's just hoping you'll be drunk enough, or keen to the idea. Maybe it's time to have a frank discussion with about what he's feeling but you have to listen without interruption and not freak out if he begins to be honest. You may not like what he says, but it'll show greath trust and maturity if you can wait until he's finished speaking before you hurl. It sounds like you're the only one who's really religious in this relationship, while he's still got a bit of "player" left in him. That's not to say you should give in the idea; it's probably not a healthy thing to experiment with in your marriage but you need to understand where his head is out, and who you are really married to.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (26 September 2011):
Yes I think he really wants a threesome. Why do you think it keeps popping up in conversations? He's just hoping you'll be drunk enough, or keen to the idea. Maybe it's time to have a frank discussion with about what he's feeling but you have to listen without interruption and not freak out if he begins to be honest. You may not like what he says, but it'll show greath trust and maturity if you can wait until he's finished speaking before you hurl. It sounds like you're the only one who's really religious in this relationship, while he's still got a bit of "player" left in him. That's not to say you should give in the idea; it's probably not a healthy thing to experiment with in your marriage but you need to understand where his head is out, and who you are really married to.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 I don't think your husband was joking about the threesome. He was using alcohol and humour to test the waters. This is a common and predictable fantasy and is not a reflection of you or your sexual skill. The manner in which he broached the subject was boorish.He may have abandoned the player lifestyle before you met but I suspect he adopted the religious one mainly to accomodate you. Now it sounds like he's feeling a bit confined by it. He doesn't want to admit as much for fear of letting you down.' Whatever it is, I'd be sitting him down and letting him know that the 'jokes' about threesomes are not funny, they make him look rather pathetic and they are reminding you that his past was more colorful than what he professes to want now.'....Well said and I agree.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (26 September 2011):
Okay, I would be seriously embarrassed too if my husband said something like that in front of other people! He's 31? That's a bit immature/childish of him, not to mention a bit inappropriate.
Like others have posted, you should ask him why he keeps bringing it up because it's making you feel insecure. I think just about every guy fantasizes about having a threesome but they just leave it to fantasy. So yes, he probably does want a threesome (like probably 99% of men out there) but the way he's going about it is a bit wrong considering he's embarrassing you in front of other people and making you feel bad about yourself.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2011):
 "so tell me, does he realy want threesomes? is he stating that im a bore in bed, or just horrible? or am i missing somthing?"
Sounds like he's fantasizing about them. But you're making a leap if you think that means you are a bore in bed or horrible in bed.
"as he said that, i totally was upset inside becuase even if we were drunk, we're not the kind of people to do that, we're very religious, and believe sex is only for 2 people who love each other, etc. and just because you're drunk it doesn't mean you don't know what you're doing. i think that's a dumb excuse for people to use, just to get out of trouble."
So challenge him on this. "Why are you bringing up threesomes? If it's a joke, it's not funny. I'm not interested in ever having one, I find the topic upsetting and it makes me wonder if you are really happy with me. Is there something you should have told me before we got married?"
Don't internalize this as something that is your fault or your problem. Either your husband is a bad drunk with a poor sense of humor or he really wants a threesome, in which case, well, then he's been lying to you if he's led you to believe he is in line with the statement I used as a quote from you.
Is it that you are insecure of his love for you or are focusing on his past?
Whatever it is, I'd be sitting him down and letting him know that the 'jokes' about threesomes are not funny, they make him look rather pathetic and they are reminding you that his past was more colorful than what he professes to want now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 September 2011):
 I think deep down a LOT men & women wants a 3-some. It's one of thoe most common fantasies out there. Ususally it would be with two women so the guy can feel like a total stud..
Ask him, when it's just the two of you. Tell him to be honest and also tell him how it makes you feel.
Does it mean he is bored in bed? no, not really. It might mean that he is comfortable in his connection to you to want to experiment. This in on him. This is his "fantasy", it doesn't mean if he doesn't get to do his "fantasy" that the marriage is over. There are plenty of things a couple can do in the bedroom to spice it up without bringing in more people.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 I am sure he doesn't think that you are a bore in bed! It depends on his personality maybe he is just one of these men that joke around a lot and doesn't mean any harm. There are plenty of this type of men that don't even think about what they are saying.
Off course this is going to upset you because you are feeling like you are not good enough, but am sure you are. Taking religion out of it most men always fantasize about having a three some. Don't take it personally he is only being honest. At the end of the day he is saying what most men are thinking. Am sure he doesn't love you any less for it. The only thing that you can do from here is to talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. Speak to him. Communicate thats what you are meant to do in a relationship.
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