A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend has a 16 year old daughter. i'm 19 and he's 50 - she's had a problem with us being together for the whole year and a half we've been together. at first i tried to get on with her but she started being devious and trying to get him back with his ex (who's 21 - so it's not a problem with the age difference although she tries to portray it is). i used to get on with her just like i would a friend but we soon realised what was up her sleeve. he separated us so i therefore don't see him weekends. the daughter and i now never see each other so i don't see a problem but she still hates the fact he's with me - doing everything in her power to split us up. e.g saying 'it's her or me' paul (my boyf) replies 'that's your choice not mine'.her latest trick is telling her mother -who my boyfs been split up from for 15 years (she always texts him 'tell your slag this, tell your slag that'. the daughter has told her mother that i've been prank calling her on a witheld number - when i haven't but she has infact been doing it to me along with sending me nasty message on facebook 'stay out of our lives...' - i haven't responded however she won't go away. so now her mother's involved who has threatned my boyf on several occasions saying that she's going to get her husband to beat him up (rather childish i know). i've asked my boyf why we can't go round their house to sort this out but he says they are people that like using their fists. so going back to the pranking - the mother is now going to the police. she txd my boyf saying 'tell the slut i'm going to the police because our daughter has been getting pranks', he texted back 'good then we can sort this out once and for all'i sent the mother a message on facebook 'dear claire, thanku for your complimentary messages to paul regarding me. i hear that your daughter has been receiving prank calls, i know how she feels because paul, her nan and i have been on the receiving end of her prank calls! i hear you're going to the police - i think this is a wise decision. i hope one day you will accept that paul and i are very happy together, yours sincerly xall she wrote back was 'don't message me, you don't know me' - i can't believe how childish she is.she called paul saying 'forget the police beacuse my husband is now going to come and beat you up'i personnally think it's all threats. i want to msg her back but don't know if i should?what should paul do now? the police is not an option because they didn't do anything when he's been to them on various occasions.paul is now really upset about what has daughter has done over the last year and a half and now chosen not to have anything to do with her.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 February 2010):
 Get back with the ex... pppfff.. she's not a witch she can't make things happen. He's with you and he's bloody happy, whenever they are not around
Again I say... Your 19, but you choose to date a much older man. Because of this your actions and your thoughts must be mature... Children like fighting in the mud, adults don't. She's 16, she's a child to you, your an adult... Children throw their toys out their pram in an attempt to manipulate you when they don't get what they want. Best to let babies scream and cry, eventually they can see it's not working and they eventually give up. Please talk to Paul, respect his op pinion, he is older, he's seen this all before. He also knows the difficulty you face as a young woman dating an older man. Please trust him more, he knows how to cope with this, he's been there before. As a grown man, his life is a mess, and the lack of money makes it difficult to protect you. But please, ignore everything, make sure your happy, and he loves you and you love him. These women will never give up, but he's moved on, long before he met you and he knows what he wants right now. They can scream, shout, lie and manipulate, but that is good, it pushes them further away. Cool, dignified and uninterested, think perfect superior adult with no time to spare, adopt this persona and you'll get there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhis ex ex was 53 so i don't think he's just out for young girls - it was love at first sight between us however stupid it may sound to every1.
he's not rich, infact he's poor and has had to result to moving back home with his mother recently!
i have made the effort with his daughter on lots and lots of occasions no matter how rude she was and bad she made the atmosphere - i bit my tongue and kept quiet, so i can't say i didn't try.
i really can't see this threat going any further, i think the daughter and mother are both all talk and no action.
i'm not going to respond or give them what they want - totally agree with miamine.
she only started liking the other gf when they were nearly over, as soon as i came along she tried to get them back together and is now 'best friends' quite literally with the ex.
he has now made the decision today that he really can't take anymore of this.
he doesn't want anything more to do with his daughter until she can give him respect and try to stop controlling his life.
we have both spoke to her about the age thing, i really don't think it's about that. the bottom line is that she isn't getting what she wants. he's clamped down on her e.g she wanted some money to go away with the school and he couldn't afford it (he's in the shit living at home with his mum, never spends money on me because he simply hasn't got it so had to say no to her), anyway since he's been saying 'no' she's been throwing her toys out of the pram. and yes he does pay maintenence. she also makes such a big thing and on a regular basis says he should get back with the ex!
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (9 February 2010):
 you are 19 and he is 50 with a 16 years old daughter! Are you really willing to fight for your right as a girl friend of her father? Im not sure if this is for good. well if he is very, very RICH maybe you have a reason to fight for this. But if you think this is because of love" i am really going to think it hard first.Because if im in your place i will let them out of my life before im getting crazy fighting for something maybe not really worthed to fight. Did you sometimes realise maybe they are just playing you in their hands!..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): Errr.. it would actually worry me that a 50-year-old man would date a 21-year-old then a 19-year-old...
I understand true has no age... but I don't know if is healthy for anyone to have dating pattern that involves much younger women.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 February 2010):
"What should paul do now?"
Paul seems like a very sensible man. When he noticed there was trouble he split you and his daughter up. He's not a fool, and he's not a child, he knows exactly what she is doing. He knows she's behaving like a bitch, he knows she's trying to manipulate him. He knows all this and he keeps telling you, "Leave them alone, don't respond to their nonsense, ignore the whole thing".
You however like the drama, you want to fight fire with fire. You are playing into their hands, that's exactly what they want. Why they hell did you send the ex a message. You just gave her more reason to curse you and threaten you. Leave Paul to deal with this in an adult way. If they boyfriend is stupid enough to attack him, Paul will call in the police. They have no evidence to show that you have been harrassing the daughter, so it's just more of their stupid nonsense. He won't talk to the daughter because he's ashamed of her, and untill she behaves like a decent person, why should he have her in his life.
Don't act like the daughter and the ex. Please take Paul's example. It's not your business. If they text you, then keep the messages for evidence. Don't talk about them, don't gossip, don't call them, just go on with your life and be happy. This is not a school yard, your supposed to be an adult. Don't feed the fire, don't give them attention to make them feel important. Follow Paul ignore them, they mean nothing, that's the right way to get your revenge and drive them up the wall.. :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 February 2010):
Keep every text and message you receive. Do not contact any of them again. This is just mind games by two very bitter women who just don't get that he's moved on. Keep everything they send you as evidence and have nothing to do with them at all.
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A
male
reader, Faraday +, writes (9 February 2010):
 Tyhe police OUGHT to take this seriously if threats of physical violenve have been made as that is technically assault - no need for punches to land, just the threat will do.
Also, the police are quite capable of checking phone records to ascertain who has been making those prank calls and clear you, assuming that you didn't make them.
This does rather assume that the police can spare a few moments away from harassing motorists and revenue collecting......
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