A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I’m gonna tell you the whole story becouse I want help to get him of the other women and I’m gonna fight with everything I’ve got but I can’t do it without your help, well ere goes my husband is the love of my life and when he left it was like I had lost a piece of myself he was the best husband anyone could have asked for and a fantastic father to are grown up kids. And I screwed it up by not giving him the love and respect he so deserved I always took advantage of him he was the one who worked his fingers to the bone to give me o lovely home and the nice things that I now know I didn’t deserve. I didn’t even notice the financial worrys he had hanging over his head because he didn’t want to worry me, I just thought of myself and what I wanted and didn’t give a stuff what he was going through. Your probably thinking I’m taking all the blame but if you knew me you would see it was all me or you might be thinking I’m mad for wanting to chase him but all I can say is that if you knew and met my husband you would see why I’m trying with everything I’ve got to win him back. I will do whatever it takes so are you up for the challange???? I hope so Reply to this Question
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (19 September 2009):
 This one's an interesting situation.
Your husband has run off with not one but several women. He treated you very well, and he did what he did because you neglected his needs.
The only thing anyone can tell you is that you're going to have to find him and spend some serious time with him.
He knows you well so you're going to have to honestly look to him, and start being extremely affectionate to him, and convince him that from now on, you won't ignore his needs.
But before you can do that, you're going to have to really lovingly and sincerely open up to him about everything you've said here. That means let him know how much you appreciate him in your life, and how much pain you're going through realizing that you didn't give him what he needed, and how much he's been hurting because of that.
With some work and patience, and if he's convinced that you truly do love him and want him back, then you're going to have to honestly and with all your hearts forgive each other for all of this pain you're both going through. You're going to have to rebuild trust and make it stronger between the two of you. And you're both going to have to work on improving the intimacy in your lives, both emotional and physical.
And you personally are going to have to be determined to change your behavior towards him.
Obviously he felt that he couldn't continue to support you the way he had been and he has to know that you never wanted him to feel inadequate for that.
There's so much damage here and its all based on a lack of communications on both your parts, and especially the lack of affection and love he needed probably at a critical moment in your marriage.
The one thing you have to see here is that if he decided to go looking to other women now, then he's really suffering because obviously he loved you very much, and probably still loves you. If this is the case, then you need to address that and find a way to heal together.
If you think you need marriage counseling, find someone that has a very good reputation to help you. It seems like you two have so much invested in your marriage emotionally and it would be a shame to see this happen now.
From your age bracket, it would seem the two of you should be enjoying your lives together with the children grown and at this stage should have been much more intimate and happier than before.
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