A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey Everyone,Okay, I'm going to get right to the point...if your boyfriend was going away for college and he was living with two girls, would you be mad/paranoid? Now if you're willing to read some of our background..here it is, otherwise just answer that first question. This might be long, sorry...Alright, so we have been a 'thing' for two and half years, he has asked me to be his girlfriend on multiple occasions, but I don't feel good enough for him. He says he's in love with me and I know for a fact that I love him, I just haven't told him yet...We're both virgins and someday we want to lose our virginity together. He says he can wait as long as it takes me to be ready, even if it takes years. Although, I do go down on him...I have a hard time trusting people, but he promises he hasn't and won't sleep with anyone else. He told me he didn't even kiss anyone while he was at college last year, even though we weren't technically together, he said he thinks of me as his girlfriend. So I'm deathly afraid that he'll end up sleeping with or kissing or falling in love with one of these girls. He promises he won't, but what happens when he's drunk and horny and they're right there. I don't know what to do. Should I trust him? Is it possible for a guy to live with girls and not have anything happen? Also, we're not technically together...so he can do anything he wants with these girls or any girl. That scares me so much.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (19 August 2012):
There’s no one rule for all guys, just as there is no one rule for girls. A man can live with girls without anything sexual happening, especially when he’s in love with some-one else, which it sounds like this guy is, with you! It’s slightly unusual that you insist that you’re not technically together, yet both of you act and think like you’re in a committed relationship with each other. If you’re sure you love him, and he’s promised that he loves you and will be faithful to you, why on earth don’t you tell him how you feel and agree to speak of yourselves as being together? You are together in all but word. Talk, listen, agree! Admit your feelings for each other, and then there will be no reason not to trust him whoever he’ll be living with.
I wish you all the very best.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 August 2012):
Point 1 - Only he will know whether he will go with a girl whilst he is at college. No one can stop him, no one can change his mind, and if he sets out to do it, then that's it. So, in fact, him living with 2 girls is irrelevant, because he could be living with two guys and still find a woman to be with.
The chances of something happening aren't really different, as whilst he's at college he'll meet women everywhere. This means that the issue of you being paranoid is also taking your mind off other things that you need to be thinking about, because whist you worry about him with those 2 girls, you're forgetting about your own life, and also my next point. And yes, it's possible for guys to live with girls and nothing happen. I live in a flat share with a guy and one other girl, and nothing has ever happened. There are lots of other people who I know who have lived in mixed gender apartments and nothing has happened.
Point 2 - As to the rest of your post, which is in fact more important, I'd say this:
You two are not exclusive, and that is not because he wants it, but because you have declined it. This puts you in at real risk of losing this guy. Whilst I appreciate that you might have trust issues, and you seem to have real self-confidence issues, realistically speaking you can't expect him to sit around twiddling his thumbs waiting for you to make your mind up.
He can say to you that he'll wait for you to be ready for a relationship all he likes, but if someone comes along that ticks all the boxes you tick - and then says she'll commit - then you'll lose him.
My advice overall is this:
You like this guy, he likes you, and has made that clear. You now need to decide, and quickly, where you want this to go. You don't have time to sit around thinking you're not good enough - you clearly are, or he'd not be bothered about you. He is, he has told you so, and he is waiting for you.
But, this will not last, so stop putting yourself down, stop panicking over other girls and make a decision to either go be his girlfriend, or let him go.
Just please don't sit there getting more and more panicked, because you'll drive yourself mad, and he'll find someone else.
This is your call. Make it today!
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